Hi everyone,
I've been offered a CST-equivalent job in a dream location in England but I have other offers overseas. I'm trying to weigh up the pros and cons of each and I've been much more focused on what could give me the best training opportunities ... so I've only just looked at the salary on the offer (I knew it was gonna be meh as it's an LED post) and it just says "MN37". A quick google says that it's about £35,858 per annum and is based off an older contract. Is that right?
Given how we're all lasering in on fair pay, I was wondering what people's thoughts were on these alternative contracts. Given the rising competition ratios and general clusterfuckery of training, more and more people will be in my situation of taking alternative routes to complete said training. When the BMA negotiates about FPR in the coming talks, will contracts like these be affected too? Or will the sexier hospitals still be able to lowball people through these older agreements?

(TW- Self Harm) Hey guys, I’m 20yrs old from Aus and I’m currently trying to claim centrelink. I was working but due to mental health/medical conditions I can no longer work and afford rent. I need to explain why I am unable to live at home with my parents and i’m struggling to word it professionally. It’s not as though my parents are abusive, they aren’t bad people I just cannot be there. Even when I visit for a little bit I get overwhelmed and need to leave. Being in their house brings up triggering memories from my teen years which I work really hard to forget. The atmosphere is horrible as there is heaps of tension between my siblings and my dad & stepmum (I think they are doing to break up and my parents divorce already gave me enough trauma). My stepbrother whom I’m not comfortable with due to some incidents that occurred a few years back is now living there and there’s next to no space or privacy (especially because they are doing renovations and there’s only one shower). The house used to be my step-families and it’s cluttered and messy and makes me feel dirty constantly. It really triggers my OCD. I’ve struggled for years with self-harm addiction and i’m scared moving back their with make me relapse. I haven’t lived with my mum for 8 years as living there caused me so much anxiety and we would constantly fight so that’s not an option. Anyway, you get the general idea. Anyway I can professionally shorten that down?

Why are customer based businesses in bhubaneswar has such a laid back attitude towards its customers? The waiters in a high class restaurant; the doctors in a first class hospitals; mall workers etc. These guys are so unprofessional towards their customers,lazy and it really surprised me that this is just the general attitude in all the businessess everywhere? Anyone has an idea what the reason is behind this?

So i have a problem... it seems ive pulled a tendon on my left testicle. Im pretty sure its from the new work pants in combination with the seat in the truck that im driving.
I feel as tho im constantly slipping forwards in the seat as i drive all day, having to constantly adjust my pants. I actually went to the hospital because i thought it might be testicular torsion or some infection. But no, just a strained ball tendon.
The issue is that i dont really know how to tell my boss that my balls are too big for the work pants that the company has issued. Im generally a private person, so its really awkward for me to talk about this esspecially with ppl in my work.
Also im fairly cirtain its the pants, as at my previous job i drove the same model truck that had the same model suspention seat. No ball aches at all. So the only thing thats changed is the pants im wearing, even got the same undies.

For over 7 months up to possibly a year, my 9 year old daughter has been experiencing moderate to severe abdominal pains. They come on suddenly and are quite sharp, ranging to a dull lingering feeling and can often last hours. The pain travels sometimes from one side to the other, primarily left.
During the first major severe flare up (about 7 months ago) we were concerned about appendicitis, but the Emergency Room at the hospital ruled it out. They did however note that her lymph nodes on her neck were very enlarged, she was not sick at the time or recently beforehand.
Since then there are times that are worse than others but almost every day has pain for at least 2 hours of that day.
At the end of February her general care doctor finally ordered an ultrasound which was done on 24/02/23. The ultrasound showed all abdominal organs as normal. No gallstones or gallbladder wall thickening. The only finding was "multiple prominent mesenteric lymph nodes".
The ultrasound summary was that the appearances are suggestive of mesenteric adenitis.
The general care doctor told us this was no problem and just happens when kids get sick, and sent us away.
After looking into the condition it seems children only get this condition for a few weeks at most, not nearly a year, and she has not been sick for nearly a year, in fact barely a cold during that whole time.
What could be causing this? She can't keep being in sharp pain every day with no help.
We have an appointment scheduled with a different general care doctor tomorrow. What conditions could I ask about that could cause this? Are there any specific tests I could enquire to have done?
Additional information, in the family there are autoimmune conditions, type 1 diabetes (her blood sugar is fine), Crohn's disease, Inflammatory bowel disease.
Please give me suggestions of what to check with the doctor or tests to follow this up with if possible.

Hello. KPOP DJ here. I hope you all are doing well.
I won't disclose who I am because this account is more or less supposed to be a throwaway, but I recently have come across this subreddit and thought I'd share my two cents about what's been going on when it comes to KPOP Nights that have been happening in general in the last couple of years. I also want to answer some questions that some people may have.
I've been a DJ'ing for the last 6 years. I got a good start doing KPOP Nights at one of my favorite clubs in my city and basically have been hosting and doing shows since then. I've traveled to different cities and worked at different festivals. I even have had the opportunity to work with a few KPOP artists. Most of the shows I do are pretty fun. I prioritize and take great pride in simple mixes in between songs and incorporate music videos in my sets whenever I can. It makes it easier for me workflow wise and I think people tend to have a good time. It's also hard work.
I've worked with both UH2T and KPOP CLUB NIGHT (ran by POPGOESTHEWORLD) in the past as a DJ for their events. If you are unfamiliar with either of these entities, they basically talk with LiveNation or some other third party venue acquisition company and hold KPOP Night events at these venues all over North America. These venues include places like House of Blues arenas, Irving Plaza and etc, places that can hold up to a 1000 people or more. The nights are similar to what many have seen with stuff like Shrek Rave, Spongebob Squarepants rave and a host of other themed raves. I had the pleasure of covering shows for both, but personally prefer working with the good people at KPOP CLUB NIGHT because the owner of that company actually likes KPOP and when I had the opportunity to cover for their shows, the hospitality was always top notch.
With UH2BT, I can tell that the owner of the company is simply looking for a cash grab. Making requests for accommodations that should be standard and simple feels like pulling teeth.
I personally prefer doing smaller KPOP NIGHTS at smaller clubs and venues in my city, because it feels like you're more so growing a community as opposed to just playing music for a large crowd. I also really enjoy playing at cupsleeve events, vendor events and at Boba shops. There have been some ups and downs over the years, but I honestly wouldn't change anything. I enjoy what I do. I have been feeling like I should be doing something different lately but I don't see myself stopping anytime soon.
I started listening to KPOP shortly after I got into J-POP and JRock. Back in the day, we had this channel called the International Channel. On certain nights or mornings, you could catch Japanese and Korean music shows, so thats where I got hooked. I listened to some stuff on and off. Believe it or not, the first K-POP song I remember hearing was Baby VOX's "Xcstacy," which illegaly sampled and featured 2pac on the song. I remember seeing the video and being floored. After that I started digging. I discovered groups like Dynamic Duo, Big Bang, Se7en, TVXQ, Epik High and Girl's Generation. I remember hearing Gee being played on the radio when I was in college. It was surreal. Now it's everywhere. Currently, my favorite groups/artists are Red Velvet, Twice, BTS, Seventeen, Nieah, Hoody, Yummda, Jay Park, Jessi and ITZY.
During my sets, I play some of this stuff today, but if I'm being honest, a lot of the new audiences that are tuning in to KPOP now may consider 2nd gen KPOP to be too old and won't vibe with it as much. I also feel like people who go to KPOP Nights typically don't like to hear too much Korean Hip Hop or R&B. I usually play mid to late in the 3rd gen and 4th gen KPOP. I try to please everyone that comes to my events and make myself open to requests. Lately, my goal is to host a full-on KHH night at a small speakeasy in my city soon and grow that into something bigger.
Anyways, I won't write too long because I know you all have some questions about KPOP Nights in general and about how DJ's typically approach their work. I've seen some good and I've seen some bad. I have plenty of stories to share and have some opinions about certain fandoms in the wild, so just ask. I will be very blunt. I also would love to hear your opinions about KPOP Nights in general and if you have any of these type of events in your city at all. I'd be down to pass on some info to industry people if you have ideas, suggestions. I will try to respond to everyone who has a question.
If you'd like to follow my work, message me privately and I'll share some links. I just don't feel comfortable or right self promoting myself on this post.
Thanks.

Life comes in many flavours, and each day we face many questions. Some of these questions are judgements. And some of these judgements involve others in significant and meaningful ways. On the one hand, we seek to satisfy our personal needs -- self-determination -- while maintaining a sense of virtue -- compassion and justice. For many, there is too much injustice and suffering just to ignore. On the other hand, balancing the needs of us and them beckons honest appraisal of situations and people. But where and how should our finger be pointed?

Core psychology of blame

Among the very earliest struggles in a person's life is the process of ego development. In its simplest, ego is about separating good from bad, self from other. Various theories and models strive to explain the ego, or its development, from various perspectives. For the purposes here, I will be referencing object relations theory, which is part psychoanalytic psychology and deals with very early development, starting at birth. A few things will be slightly simplified to keep the text concise.
Within this theory, the first several months involve what is termed the paranoid-schizoid position. The "schizoid" aspect refers to a cognitive-emotional process known as splitting. This is where external objects, including people, are split into opposing mental parts -- to form part objects, or the "good object" version and the "bad object" version of each meaningful external object or phenomenon. For example, when the caregiver is gratifying to the infant, that part object is the "good caretaker"; and when not so gratifying, that caretaker is the "bad caretaker". At this stage of development and understanding, these two "part objects" are not seen as from the same source. Rather, each is a separate thing appearing and disappearing as circumstances and feelings change. The key word here is separation, which we will come back to later.
The other aspect of the paranoid-schizoid position -- the "paranoid" aspect -- refers to a curious side effect of splitting everything into "good" and "bad". Because each "part object" is either all good, or all bad, and because the appearance and disappearance of these mysterious entities is more-or-less out of control, the infant begins to resent and fear the bad objects that keep happening. That is, the baby hates the bad objects but loves the good objects. This is perhaps the very first stage of moral awareness -- raw, albeit mistaken judgement; love the good; hate the bad; pure, uninhibited attraction and repulsion. As a result, or side effect, of these negative or aggressive feelings toward "the bad", the baby may fear possible persecution, invoking paranoia. Strange though that may sound, there is a bit more to it.
Splitting, as between the mentioned "good" and "bad" objects, is only half the story. The other half of splitting is between "good self" and "bad self". That is, because in the paranoid-schizoid position, objects are temporary and impermanent, so too is the self temporary and fleeting. Moreover, the self is either in comfort, or in distress, giving either "good self" or "bad self" -- depending on circumstance. Since the "good self" appears with the "good object", and likewise the "bad self" with the "bad object", the child fears the appearance of the "bad object" even more. This is because its presence entails essentially collapse of the previous self-concept, as if to enter a realm of deserved persecution for being the "bad self" -- and hence the emergence of paranoia.
On an interesting aside, this manner of judging objects and selves as good or bad based solely on whether one is currently in comfort or pain is the essence of Stage 1 in Lawrence Kohlberg's stages of moral development. This is a theory on the progression of individuals throughout life in moral reasoning. Stage 1, termed obedience and punishment orientation, judges those in trouble or pain as inherently bad. In many cases, this view basically blames the victim. Further, this type of reasoning is essentially the basis for the "might makes right" mindset seen in some cases of antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). One thing to keep in mind is that we all start there, but not everyone stays there. In this way, having crude moral reasoning later in life is effectively a sign of delayed or regressed development, much like a disability -- ie. "morally disabled".

Completing the person

Eventually, the child will reach a point in development where objects become whole and persistent, able to have simultaneously negative and positive qualities. Objects or people may take on accounts, or balances, allowing for consideration of simple reciprocity, including guilt and reparation. Self and caregiver become distinct entities, where "good" self is no longer lost each time caregiver is absent or busy. Assuming successful progression, blame and judgement is no longer split dichotically between two extremes. Otherwise a new type of splitting is come, where objects and entities, though whole and persistent, are either idealised or devalued.
An important key trend exists between consecutive steps of ego development. This is the trend of expanding persistence and relatedness. In the part-object stage, objects appear and vanish -- some good, some bad. These raw appearances are neither persistent, nor related. In the whole-object stage, objects become persistent, although at first not really related. Because of this initial lack of relation, the secondary type of splitting -- idealisation and devaluation -- is still likely. Basically, since one person or object is fundamentally unrelated to another, including the self, there is "no harm" in seeing one as all good, and another as all bad. Without a stabilising relation, moral judgements can be whimsical yet extreme. A person or object may alternate between being embraced and discarded, depending on present feelings or arrangements. But what makes a stabilising relation?
In general, stabilising relations develop naturally through observation and reason. For example, a caregiver may through time be taken as an intrinsic part of one's need for support. Or a sibling may eventually be seen as fundamentally similar and related. But the building of these relations, or attachments, can be hindered by certain experiences or feelings. For instance, an unstable or unavailable caregiver may leave a child feeling resentment, shame, or guilt. These feelings may then get in the way of building an emotional bond. The resulting lack of security, mixed with possible shame or guilt for not being good enough, may lead to maladaptive and unstable boundaries and self-definition. Some common results are narcissism and borderline personality -- the former as an escape mechanism from feelings of inadequacy, and the latter as unstable border-lines between what is embraced, and what is rejected. These early childhood misgivings can then live on subconsciously, infiltrating the psyche and its future engagements.

Competition and judgement

While the capacity for blame and hate may emerge, as described above, from fundamental urges of attraction and repulsion -- mixed with innate capacity for making inference -- there is another powerful instinct at play. Complex social animals have a built-in game of gene-selection and mate-selection. This game relies on a simple heuristic, or objective -- form competitive hierarchies, and select those at the top. The evolutionary assumption is that competition filters out less desirable code. Without reflection, this pre-configured notion may be taken at face value, often in fact elevated -- whether spoken or kept silent -- to something of religious adherence. But is the argument sound?
In simple times, back in the tribe, individuals tended to grow up closely-knit and fairly uniformly. Regardless which parents one had, pretty much everyone had access to the same quality of food, healthcare, and education. Tools and other amenities could readily be made or obtained by any abled body, often with only modest effort. As a result, there was, compared to modern times, an extremely even playing field. Very little interfered with the above premise that those who achieved success in social hierarchy likely had something special inside. Sure, luck still played a part, but that part was not only far less significant than today, but also far more visible for those of simple tribes. In probably most cases, everybody knew when someone had encountered bad fortune, as individual stories were less hidden.
In the current age, however, personal merit is vastly more obscured and mangled by deceptive forces. The range of disparity in childhood resources and care, the long duration of schooling needed to be competitive, and the sheer price of admission into money-making pursuits, completely destroy any legitimacy the heuristic of selection by social hierarchy may previously have had. Luck may have played a part back then, but today the part played by the lottery of placement into a particular family, time, and place is riddled with inequity. On top of all that, the behaviours and exploits that set one person atop the next are lost from sight through the complex labyrinth of time, legalese, and the unfathomable size of modern society. Hence, the basis of soundness behind judging merit on personal outcome is no longer something that can be supported with any honesty. To praise or blame based on social status and wealth is to partake in folly.

Entity and arrangement defined

Entities are mental objects, and their social accounts, pertaining to people, groups, aggregates, and other moral agents. I say mental objects for two basic reasons. One, individuals and groups change through time. As the saying goes:

"A person never steps into the same river twice; for on the second occasion, one is neither the same person, nor is it the same river" (paraphrased) ~ Heraclitus of Ephesus.

Two, while we may posit that physical substance seems to exist out there, beyond the mind, we nevertheless must work within our mental model, or worldview, when considering those entities and other things of material or mental reality. Hence, entities and objects can be cognised, or considered, solely as mental objects. This phenomenon of the mental becomes even more apparent when we consider the nature of not only being, but identity, character, and personal story. None of these, from what I can tell, can rightly be said to exist outside the mind. Each has arbitrary, situation-specific, and continually shifting boundaries and connotations.
Arrangements, in contrast, are sets of objects; entities; their relative positions; their internal configurations; and their relations and interactions. Arrangements are hence the frameworks in place either materially or logically between and within entities and or objects. Common examples include law, culture, contract, education, and social hierarchy -- but also the physical placement of people and things.
Not surprisingly, the arrangements in place have substantial influence on the outcomes for individuals and society. The same person lowered into two different cultures and circumstances can be expected to have a different time. Education, ideas, values, struggles, and relationships may all be completely changed. The combinations of butterfly effect, disparity of opportunity, and idiosyncratic accident leave open the door for a wide variety of possibility.

Splitting and blaming the entity

Before talking about what to blame, or how to blame it, we might consider some phenomena which may influence one's ability to make sound judgement. As discussed previously, early development can play a big part in both the way one perceives and understands the world, and also the way one feels about, and hence reacts to, situations and challenges within the world. So let us look at some such phenomena.
Splitting, in the post-infancy sense, is the viewing of mental objects -- including and especially people -- as either idealised all good, or devalued all bad. The primary hypothesis goes something along the lines that a child who felt insufficiently loved or attended during infancy and early childhood may develop an internalised sense of unworthiness -- perhaps shame or guilt. In simple terms, the child may internalise a judgement of "not good enough". Since early, particularly pre-linguistic experiences tend to be deeply-seated and hard-conditioned, the person later in life may not only have little if any recall of such experience, but likely has little ability to reflect or challenge the resulting feelings or cognitive distortions. Basically, the only remnant clearly visible may be the feelings and intuitions themselves -- sense of shame, guilt, and never being good enough. However, as with other inescapable negative feelings, the child or later person is prone to forming habits of escape. Most notably here, the person may partake in defence mechanisms, or unconscious patterns of perception and thinking that seek to turn off or escape uncomfortable or stressful cognitions.
Projection is among the most used defence mechanisms. It involves taking an unwanted feeling or judgement, and throwing it upon someone or something else. The idea is to distance oneself from such negative connotations. In the case of internalised shame or guilt of being "not good enough" during childhood, the person is likely to begin casting this judgement upon others. Unreasonable or unattainable standards may be adopted. The world itself may be viewed as inherently broken or untenable. In the case of splitting specifically, black-or-white, all-or-none thinking may be employed to polarise objects or people -- including oneself -- into all good or all bad -- idealisation or devaluation. This type of projection sorts others into something of angels and demons. Furthermore, as in borderline personality disorder, these dichotic judgements may switch regularly depending on current affairs. The key thing to remember here is that projection is done to escape unfaceable feelings or judgements about oneself. Use of this defence mechanism may shift blame from self to another, often in a way that is difficult or impossible for the user to see.
More broadly, splitting belongs to a class of phenomena known as cognitive distortions. In addition to all-or-none thinking, cognitive distortions include overgeneralising, disqualifying the positive, jumping to conclusions, exaggeration, perfectionism, personalisation, always being right, and labelling of others. Obviously these all have significant implications for how one judges others, and indeed how one places blame. For the discussion here, let us talk about one more of these.
Personalisation is when a person takes the blame personally, regardless what external factors may be at play. This style of attribution is inherently self-deprecatory. Alternatively, blame may be placed entirely on another person or group. The distortion here is not that blame is occurring, but that the object is always a conventional moral agent, such as a human or AI. Essentially, an individual with this style of attribution may have an irrational tendency to place blame on agents, rather than circumstances. The trick is understanding why this happens.
As it turns out, the psychology behind placing blame disproportionately on people and other agents, rather than arrangements, is driven by the instinct of social hierarchy. Like brought up earlier, people have a tendency to compare and compete, judging one another into hierarchies of better and worse -- more or less worthy. The more insecure a person feels, or the more internalised shame or sense of inadequacy one has, the more the person may be compelled to cast blame on others. Put simply, insecurity activates the instinct of social hierarchy.
There are some noteworthy side effects to the habit of blaming the agent. One is scapegoating, or the projection of a group's fears and insecurities onto an external object. In scapegoating, the object chosen is often little, if at all, related to the underlying problem or dysfunction. Rather, the group seeks to unload its insecurity onto an unlucky target. This behaviour is much like that done in narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). One might say that groups too, not just people, can have NPD. One common target of scapegoating is minorities, of pretty much any type, who are often blamed for internal inadequacies of the majority regime. Another side effect of blaming the agent is kicking the dog, or chain reactions of blame shifting where each rung of the social hierarchy blames the next rung, all the way to the dog. Similar to scapegoating, kicking the dog picks a target generally unable to defend itself. This style of attribution, moreover, is contagious within organisations, hindering legitimate consideration of how the true underlying issues can best be resolved.

False object of blame

A curious distortion of interest is blindly taking the mental as fact. In the extreme, there is a phenomenon known as psychic equivalence. This is common in children, where the imagined monster under the bed is believed surely to exist. The line between mental and external is still thin. While most older individuals are beyond such explicit equivalence, we nevertheless have no other option for understanding reality than what our mind beholds. Whether for positive or negative, when we see or imagine someone, we are never seeing the real person. What we witness is our mental model, or mental object, of the other. The same goes for their view of us. When they behold us, they are really beholding someone else -- a construct of their imagination. Likewise, when we judge or blame another, we are really blaming someone else -- a monster of our own creation. Sometimes it can help to remember that in our mental, we are all mental.

Another defence mechanism

Aside from cognitive distortions, another key issue stands in the way of finding truth. In order to resolve deeply-seated emotional baggage, that baggage has to be opened. Yet doing so can be both painful and confusing. The mind has another trick up its sleeve to avoid facing the rain -- intellectualisation. Many have heard of rationalisation, or the making up of good-sounding stories to explain otherwise irrational or emotion-based actions and choices. Intellectualisation is related, but distinct. Instead of making up stories to seem more rational, intellectualisation makes up complex frameworks and red herrings to distract oneself and others from getting too close to the underlying feeling. Just like for splitting, the usual root cause is believed to be insecure attachment during infancy and early childhood. The result, especially later in life, is the excessive overreliance on logic and complex frameworks to avoid looking inside toward emotion. Reason becomes a comfortable hideout from hideous feeling. This disposition prevents proper reflection, making it hard or impossible to stop idealising and devaluing others. After all, one cannot stop spilling pain until one finds the source of that pain.

Relation to free will

The notion of free will comes in many definitions. These can get technical. But one fairly common theme is what they seek to support -- often some type of personal, or entity-centric, responsibility or blame. Regardless whether logically sound, the pursuit is in many cases a rationalisation of the instinctual and emotional urges of social hierarchy and ego defence. Essentially, many debates about free will are really struggles, or disagreements, on the nature of blame, and to where it should aim. In general, the belief in free will -- regardless the definition chosen -- is argued in support of some type of entity attribution. Likewise, the disbelief in free will is usually argued in support of system attribution, or blaming the way society or culture is structured. A person may choose a definition specifically to assert the desired end -- a psychological phenomenon called motivated reasoning. This text will avoid choosing a definition, as the underlying principles of behaviour are more important.
A less known paradox exists within the bounds of psychological agency. As is regularly discussed in certain circles of spirituality, there exists a spectrum of self-boundary between immediate, local, relative and timeless, non-local, absolute. This mental state of contraction or expansion depends in part on the grasping or release of fear and attachment. For those unfamiliar, the felt sense of personal agency -- sometimes called doership -- and one's associated beliefs about personal causation, are prone to change, or shift, depending on the present level of anxiety -- especially social and existential anxiety. There are two key aspects related to the sense of being in control.
The first aspect of interest is that of causal scope, or how far we trace the causes and influences behind any given event or decision. For example, as I type this, among the most immediate, or smallest causal scopes, is that of my finger pressing a key. Moving toward greater scope, we may consider that the arm is moving the finger. Further, of course, one might say the body is doing the typing. But the scope need not end there. We can trace back through the causal chains, finding all manner of influence. After all, why do I care about this? What social factors and life experiences influenced this cause? The more immediate the causal scope, the longer and more encumbered the causal chains. Hence, even though when afraid we may focus on the more immediate, hence feeling more in direct control, the more our felt boundaries of self and causality contract, the more short-sighted, distracted, and materially-bound we are. The paradox is in the inverted pyramid of influence atop our actions.
The second aspect relates to impulse and desire versus self-control and composure. Human desire may be divided broadly into basic animal instinct and social image. In Freudian terms, these would be id and ego. The former is often viewed as impulsive or animalistic; the latter as controlled and composed. A meaningful portion of pro-free will arguments seems to equate or compare the composure and planning of socially-conscious actions and choices as representative of the essence of "free will". That is, more "controlled" or deliberate actions were exercising greater free will than their more impulsive or animalistic counterparts. But is this assessment sensible?
On the one hand, being more socially aware likely helps to prevent being manipulated or impeded by others. Most would probably agree thus far. But on the other hand, the more we care about fitting in, or otherwise playing the game of social hierarchy, the more we submit ourselves to social norms and other hive behaviours. Essentially, the more we care about image, the more we let society control us. Despite this emotional tether, those with the biggest egos often proclaim the greatest sense of self-determination. Certainly one could argue that being on top of the hierarchy usually entails greater access to social amenities, some of which offering greater freedom. But there may be some right reservations here. Firstly, the enhanced freedom of high status often comes with enhanced fitment and scrutiny into the externally-defined social mould. This is not always the case, as for example with dictators. But secondly, the vast majority of those playing the ego game are neither in positions of status and power, nor emotionally secure enough to go their own way toward personal happiness. Perhaps most prominently, for most social animals, the hive provides only minimal amenity, and maximal loss of autonomy. Yet the internalised ego and self-concept obscure this reality by making cultural, emotional artifacts of socialisation -- especially during childhood -- appear as self-chosen. The person is thus a product of upbringing, but because these aspects of conditioning are so deep and unconscious, their effects are simply taken for granted as part of who one is. Hence, a second paradox exists in that what may appear as evidence for free will -- ego and composure -- is in fact the very thing enacting the long-seated will of the hive.
On a different note of the free will debate, there seems to be a phenomenon somewhat like "free will of the gaps", where any unknown of psychology or physics is received wholeheartedly as evidence for freedom. While no doubt one may never really know, particularly when stuck in the subjective mind-box, one might consider the effect of splitting, or black-and-white thinking. This habit may, without enough reflection, colour one's assessment of personal agency as either wholly existing, or wholly absent. This is not to say undue burden and other explicit interference is unregarded, but more that even the mere existence of randomness or unpredictability may be taken as sufficient reason to ward off the behavioural influences and effects known by modern psychology. Remember that splitting is driven by egoic insecurity, and that ego has vested interest in building the narrative which best places oneself in the social hierarchy of the mind. Impulsive or controlled, what we choose is there to satisfy instinct, whether animalistic, or socially-focused.

Blaming the arrangement

On the other side of inferred causation -- after instinct -- we have experience, conditioning, and circumstance. Experience and conditioning are carry-overs from past arrangement while circumstance reflects the present arrangement. For simplicity, I will place all three simply under arrangement. To borrow from earlier:

Arrangements ... are sets of objects; entities; their relative positions; their internal configurations; and their relations and interactions. Arrangements are hence the frameworks in place either materially or logically between and within entities and or objects. Common examples include law, culture, contract, education, and social hierarchy -- but also the physical placement of people and things.

With this definition in mind, what then does it mean to blame the arrangement, and what benefit does so doing provide?
First, let us consider the standard Western approach. When we blame the entity, we are accomplishing three fundamental ends:

1. declaring a point of causal significance;
2. downgrading social status;
3. offloading correction;

On the first point, blaming the entity cuts off past influences, including deficiencies and inequalities in access to essential resources like health, respect, education, and experience. One might wonder why respect is included here. But remember the types of issue that arise from internalised shame, guilt, and feelings of inadequacy. These live on subconsciously, causing non-obvious impairments in judgement and performance. Plus they harm health and performance through elevated stress hormones.
On the second point, blaming the entity lowers its public appraisal, thus cutting off access to the types of resources just mentioned.
On the third point, blaming the entity places the burden of correction squarely on the already broken component. For simple matters like enforcing social norms or decency, this type of blame is probably effective in most cases. But when we start looking at bigger matters, like health, education, intelligence, self-restraint, and general performance, the idea of forcing the suboptimal party to fix itself starts to break down. All these matters are heavily influenced by external circumstance through time. So telling the person to fix the resulting dysfunction is like telling them to rewrite their past environment, including their upbringing. Moreover, those from broken pasts are much more often the least supplied -- in both resource and knowhow -- to make things better.
And this brings us to blaming the arrangement. If instead of burdening and downgrading the unfortunate entity, we recognise the conditions of success and failure, we can apply legitimate effort toward enacting a better future. Obviously society as a whole is far better equipped to improve not only the outcome of tomorrow, but the conditions of today. Some of us, by chance, receive the winning hand. This may be in genetics, family configuration, area of schooling, or maybe just missing detrimental accidents and injuries. What sense does it make to hoard the helpings of fate, thus preventing the wealth of shared development and growth? In a world literally brimming with technological advancement, is it really better for the majority to live polarised as minority winners and majority losers?

Arguments

One might argue that blame and praise are natural and effective tools for motivation and modification of behaviour. Natural though they may be, these tools are premised on the limited knowledge and resources of tribal past. Like using a hammer to insert a screw, messy tools ought to be reserved for desperate times only. Modern medicine, psychology, and sociology offer a new toolbox, today readily available, for resolving problems with minimal collateral damage. True, not everyone has fair access to these modern amenities, and that is exactly why we need to stop blaming the victim. The technology is here. We simply need to open the gates.
Another common argument is that absent of pointing fingers, people would lose motivation, or stop caring. There may be some truth here. If we remove the whip from their backs, the slaves may begin to relax. But is that really a bad thing? Per-capita material output is already worlds higher due to automation and tooling. But artificial scarcity is brought in to "keep up the morale". This scarcity is largely in the form of wealth and income inequality, which ensure the true producers of wealth -- the workers -- are kept chasing their imagined carrot. The effect, in practice, is burnout and learned helplessness. The secondary effect is thus decreased performance, which is then "solved" with ever greater artificial scarcity, perpetuating the cycle of lies and suffering. Instead of entertaining a system of slavery with extra steps, why not more equally distribute the tools and technology of efficiency and success?
A darker argument that occasionally gets said out loud is that excessive competition and suffering help to weed out the less desirable traits. Often, it is proclaimed, nature wanted it that way. Ignoring the obvious lack of compassion, is this argument sound? The simple answer is no. The longer answer is not even a little. There are two main reasons. Firstly, the dirty game of filtering by social hierarchy was not only sloppy for its original environment of small tribes, but is completely unfit for modern, complex, abstract society. As explained previously, the legitimacy of individual merit is no longer known by fellow tribespeople. Wealth generation and extraction are too far removed and abstracted for proper outside judgement. And complex systems of power and propaganda further prevent equitable distribution of the fruits of labour. Secondly, the amount of time needed for such mechanisms of trait filtering to make an appreciable difference are substantially longer than the time from now before technology will allow superior selection of traits. There will be no need to compete in the sloppy ways of the past; nor any need to compete at all. The problem of selection is soon resolved. AI is entering the exponential phase. Petty and primitive worry about traits is irrelevant, for multiple reasons. If anything, those unable to understand this are unfit to be making policy decisions.
An argument which comes up enough to mention is that without blaming the entity, criminals would have free reign, able to do whatever they wanted without repercussions. This argument is missing something quite substantial about what is entailed by blaming the arrangement. Simply, if a certain person is believed to lack the self-control for certain situations or positions, that person will be kept away from those circumstances. A common example is driver's licensing, where one must earn the privilege by proving competence. And similarly to that, if someone is blatantly acting out and causing trouble, obviously they would be put somewhere safer. The key is rearranging circumstances as needed for best outcome while maintaining reasonable maximum personal autonomy -- without unnecessary harm, restraint, or loss of dignity. Yes, this is more involved in terms of resources and labour, but that is what technology is for. Naturally people prefer to have more privilege, and that alone is motivation enough to care.
And before someone accuses this approach of being or supporting a social credit system, we must make clear the difference. In social credit systems, blame is placed on the individual ! Sure, the factors used may involve family and acquaintance, but the burden of correction still goes to the person or small group. This is completely different from what is being proposed here.
A final argument relates to expense. On the surface -- especially from within the perspective of a system based on artificial scarcity and excessive wealth inequality -- the idea of having surplus means available for long-term planning may seem unfathomable. People's reluctance in this regard can be understood. But as mentioned above, we are presently, for presumably the first time in our recorded history, entering the age of exponential growth toward advanced artificial intelligence. Things are moving fast already, and both hardware and software are showing no slowing. If computational capacity continues to double regularly like it has for a long time now, we are probably looking at readily accessible post-human intelligence within five to ten years. Short of disaster or tyrannical interference, existing worries about labour and intellect shortage should soon evaporate. Yes, this time things are different. There is no known precedent.

Summary

Our natural instinct may tell us to blame the person. And Western culture may polarise this tendency to the extreme. But with a little understanding of why we feel the need to downsize others, we may be able to mend the splitting within us. Society may be designed around a game of hierarchy, but one need not partake. By knowing the factors that promote or inhibit wellbeing, and by using the knowledge and tools of modern, we can cast off the shallow assumptions behind us, to build something worth keeping. The first step is looking inside, to see the feeling that fears connection. Then we may look outside, to see that most are facing similar struggle. Situations are what make or break the person. If one should blame, blame the arrangement. The past may not be one for changing, but greater compassion today can find greater love tomorrow.

Hey everyone. My girlfriend and I are both very open with each-other about our kinks, and we experiment with them quite often. She just recently told me that she’d like me to start being “mean” to her on occasion. In my head this sort of falls under humiliation which she does enjoy, but she stated that she dosent just want it to be JUST in a sexual way, but In general. Now I am 100% a dom in the bedroom and we have extensive dirty talk, but it’s not in my nature to just BE an asshole you know? We’ve talked about this quite a bit since it’s been brought up, set ground rules, boundaries etc. and I am down for it as much as she is. I’d like some ideas on how to humiliate/be mean to her in and outside the bedroom, I have some of my own but can only brainstorm so much. Thanks!

摘要: 现代医院的诊断和治疗，离不开各种先进的医疗设备，而各种设备都离不开安全可靠的供电。很多手术往往长达数小时，手术过程中突然断电的话后果不可想象；同时很多医疗器械都直接接触或深入人体脏器，此时极小的漏电流都会威胁病人的生命安全。因此，针对医院配电系统供电的连续性和安全性，国家相关标准作了明确要求，医疗2类场所重要设备必须用IT系统供电，同时IT系统需要配置绝缘监测装置。本文介绍了安科瑞医疗IT系统在安哥拉罗安达总医院的应用。
Abstract: Diagnosis and treatment in modern hospitals are inseparable from advanced medical equipment, which are inseparable from safe and reliable power supply. Many operations often last for several hours, and the consequences of a sudden power failure during the operation are unimaginable. At the same time, many medical devices directly touch or penetrate into the human organs. At this time, the very small leakage current will threaten the life of the patient. Therefore, the national standards have made clear requirements, medical group 2 locations must be powered by IT system. This article introduces the application of Acrel Medical IT System in Luanda General Hospital, Angola.
关键词: 医疗IT，绝缘监测装置，报警显示仪。
Keywords: Medical IT system, Insulation monitoring device, Alarm indicators.
1. Project Overview项目概述
安哥拉罗安达总医院是由中铁四局承担的中国援安哥拉罗安达总医院改扩建项目，该项目使用了8套安科瑞医疗IT系统产品。主要包括：AITR系列隔离变压器，AIM-M系列绝缘监测仪，AID系列报警显示仪和AKH-0.66P26电流互感器。
Luanda General Hospital in Angola is a China-aided reconstruction and expansion project of Luanda General Hospital in Angola undertaken by China Railway Fourth Bureau. The project uses 8 sets of Acrel medical IT system products. They are AITR series isolation transformer, AKH-0.66P26 current transformer, AIM-M series insulation monitoring device, AID series remote alarm indicator and DC power supply unit.
2. Introduction of Medical Isolated Power Supply System 医疗IT系统介绍
医用隔离电源系统就是通过医用隔离变压器将接地系统（TN-S系统）转接成不接地系统（IT系统）来为重要的医疗设备供电。IT系统通过绝缘监测仪实现绝缘监测，通过绝缘故障产品进行绝缘故障定位。
The medical isolated power supply system is to switch the grounding system (TN-S system) into ungrounded system (IT system) through a medical isolation transformer to supply power for important medical equipment. The insulation monitoring device has the function of insulation monitoring and fault locator has the function of fault circuit locating.
3. Acrel Medical Isolated Power Supply System Solutions 安科瑞医疗IT解决方案
Acrel medical isolated power supply system is suitable for operating room, ICU, CCU and other medical group 2 locations providing safe and uninterruptible power supply. It mainly includes AITR series isolation transformer, AKH-0.66P26 current transformer, AIM-M series insulation monitoring device, AID series remote alarm indicator, DC power supply, ASG series test signal generator and AIL series insulation fault locator.
3.1 Acrel Medical Isolated Power Supply System for Operating Room 手术室配电解决方案
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https://preview.redd.it/ncmj1y5j98pa1.png?width=538&format=png&auto=webp&s=a8781a8245d20aa7fd926b1ccf10297cbae60641
方案一 不带绝缘故障定位功能
Option I without insulation fault location function
​
https://preview.redd.it/4h28hdij98pa1.png?width=592&format=png&auto=webp&s=215eb58da1e50b8c146dc48687bba14b1790e41b
方案二 带绝缘故障定位功能
Option II with insulation fault location function
注：1.在手术室的配电解决方案中，AID系列外接报警与显示仪应安装于手术室内部情报面板上，或情报面板的旁边（嵌墙安装）。在手术过程中，由医务人员来监视隔离电源系统的运行状况。
2.带绝缘故障定位功能的方案中，如果需定位回路超过8路，可采用两套AIL150定位仪来实现，其组合可以是AIL150-8型+AIL150-4型(最多定位12路)，或AIL150-8型+AIL150-8型（最多定位16路）。
Note: 1. For operating room, AID series alarm indicator should be installed on the intelligence panel inside the operating room, or next to the intelligence panel (wall mounted installation) so that medical personnel can immediately receive a notification when there is power supply failure.

1. In Option II，if the number of located channels is more than eight，two sets of AIL150 can be used. The combination can be AIL150-8 and AIL150-4 (up to 12 channels), or AIL150 -8 and AIL150-8 (up to 16 channels).

3.2 Acrel Medical Isolated Power Supply System for ICU and CCU ICU,CCU配电解决方案
​
https://preview.redd.it/th3o53zj98pa1.png?width=632&format=png&auto=webp&s=01a14fb45a7d0f74532436eb7bf55b3584060aa6
方案一 不带绝缘故障定位功能
Option I without insulation fault location function
​
https://preview.redd.it/5vjyg7ok98pa1.png?width=632&format=png&auto=webp&s=2b93c55c801cb9481fe8f8ee7d7ef2a07229c79f
方案二 带绝缘故障定位功能
Option II with insulation fault location function
注：在重症监护室的配电解决方案中，AID系列集中报警与显示仪应该安装在护士站内，由护士站的医务人员来监视各隔离电源系统的运行状况。
Note: For intensive care unit , AID series alarm indicator should be installed in the nurses 'station so that medical personnel can monitor the operating status of isolated power supply system.
3.3 Product Selection产品选型
Model
Picture
Function
AITR series isolation transformer
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https://preview.redd.it/x0cjxjel98pa1.png?width=135&format=png&auto=webp&s=f9f784fc61feef7088643eee0680eccfea42ca13
a. H class insulation meterial, which permits more higher temperature rise so as to extend the using time. b. PT temperature sensors
c. inrush current (IE): ＜12In d. capacity: 3.15kVA, 5kVA, 6.3kVA, 8kVA, 10kVA
e. low noise
f. CE approval
AIM-M series medical insulation monitoring device
​
https://preview.redd.it/xohi2uul98pa1.png?width=125&format=png&auto=webp&s=ab37c3628e661537d3704937690f6502c236eba3
a. insulation monitoring, overload monitoring, over-temperature monitoring
b. fault alarm output
c. RS485 and CAN communication
d. IEC and CE approval
AKH-0.66P26 current transformer
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https://preview.redd.it/2vo1cp6m98pa1.png?width=106&format=png&auto=webp&s=271df91e0b61f75efc3e833bf1fc4249293409ea
a. protective current transformer
b. maximum measurement current: 60A
c. ratio is 2000:1
d. installation: fixed inside cabinet by screwing
e. CE approval
DC power supply
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https://preview.redd.it/vakuvjkm98pa1.png?width=120&format=png&auto=webp&s=38f14c30de68635bd95e66c7f2c3ec453fa8d62e
a. output voltage: DC 24V
b. 35mm DIN rail installation
c. provide power for AID series alarm indicator
AID series alarm indicator
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https://preview.redd.it/udwmts2n98pa1.png?width=131&format=png&auto=webp&s=922da0fad65c72d9b1b498803acd988815e8f031
a. display the data of insulation monitoring device
b. panel or wall-mounted installtion
c. eqipped with DC power supply
d. CE approval
4. Connection Diagram接线图
​
https://preview.redd.it/a7pt85zn98pa1.png?width=572&format=png&auto=webp&s=14318ba01dacdeff5941fa901b4f6621560e24be
5. Installation Photos 安装图片
https://preview.redd.it/6wfkdmco98pa1.png?width=528&format=png&auto=webp&s=d5bf7889d9afa8a5662c1a9da12ac6f97d223c09
https://preview.redd.it/2i143fro98pa1.png?width=516&format=png&auto=webp&s=2df55d5f66fa13505976ac275202503a5d8e4762
6. Conclusion 总结
经过扩改建以后，罗安达总医院已成为安哥拉规模最大、硬件设施一流的医院。而安科瑞医疗IT系统为该医院的安全、连续供电提供了重要保障，有效改善了当地医疗条件，造福了当地人民。
After expansion and reconstruction, Luanda General Hospital has become the largest hospital in Angola. The Acrel medical IT system provides safe and realible power supply for hospitals, effectively improving the local medical conditions and benefiting the local people.
Bibliography

1. IT System Insulation Monitoring Device and Fault Location System of Acrel. 2020
   
2. IEC 60354-7-710: 2002 Electrical installations of buildings-Part 7-710:Requirements for special installations or locations - Medical locations. 2002
   
3. IEC 61558-1-15:2011 Safety of transformers, reactors, power supply units and combinations thereof-Part 2-15: particular requirements and tests for isolating transformers for the supply of medical locations. 2011
   

Does anyone know any hospital/program presenting Sub-i or USCE in general surgery for IMG in East Coast?

So, as the title says, the house that my partner and I rent (in Washington State) seems to be infested with ants--I don't leave out food or dirty dishes, and the floors get vacuumed and mopped regularly. We're generally clean people. However, as the weather gets warmer, they seem to be getting more active. The ants were treated by an exterminator appointed by my landlord last year, but he recommended the service be performed yearly, and that deadline has passed.
Since the ants have made their reappearance, they have been crawling out of: window frame cracks (on the seam to the inside wall); the tiled kitchen backsplash (think tiny glass/stone tiles layered like a brick wall, unsealed in between); the baseboards in the bedroom; the FUCKING STOVE VENT (they're literally dropping from the fan screen like it's mission impossible and falling onto my stove I am in hell).
I have placed six (6) ant traps--they have swarmed all over it, but they seem to reappear in a new spot regularly. It is my partner's belief that there are several colonies living inside the (older) house's foundation.
Is my landlord required to do anything, past extermination? What is his responsibility, if any, to us if the house is unlivable for a period/entirely?

Recently finished the series for the first time. I love him. As a kid I found him somewhat boring, but as an adult I find him the most interesting. He is an incredibly well developed character for a kids series, and for half of the series being ghost written and all the filleinconsistencies/plot devices used… (Like they could have gotten the cube from Tom easily without killing him wtf)
He really is just one of my favorite characters in general now, across all storytelling mediums. In the last couple of books he kinda bothered me a little bit, leaving a sour feeling with me but at the same time the character progression made sense and I enjoyed seeing him finally start to lose it/go off the deep end.
But overall he’s humble, just and fair, intelligent and quick, caring, kind, wise, noble, dutiful, strong, brave, ruthless, and has a sense of humor, is able to laugh at himself.
Second favorite would be Marco (he was my fav as a kid). He has a lot of those qualities as well. They all do. But Jake just seems like the most well fleshed out character. As a kid I loved Tobias, still do, but he’s not actually that complex (even dealing with being the orphan bird boy)… not in as nuanced a way as Jake, or Marco. (The girls were kinda done dirty overall imo)
I suppose you could consider Jake “the main character” even tho they all are, but really it’s him, starts and ends with him. And in a lot of fiction, or YA fiction maybe, authors/screenwriters struggle for some reason with the main character and make them bland and unlikeable. Kudos to ***KA and her husband for creating such a likable and intriguing, realistic, complex main character.
Didn’t they name their child Jake? Is it because they love the character that much too? Kinda strange lol, but cool?
Edit: (***I accidentally mindlessly wrote JK instead of KA lmao)

It doesn’t happen very often, but every once in a while I’ll have a patient refuse blood work unless we can use the vein finder. I don’t know about most hospitals, but at mine we as phlebotomists do not have easy access to them, and there are only a few spread out across the hospital. The only two I know of are in the ICU and up on our 5th floor as that’s where our generally more difficult sticks are.
Anyway, typically if they say that I’ll mark it as a refusal and alert the nurse because I don’t have 40 minutes to spend tracking one down, as they often get pulled away from their places. Typically if it’s just some routine bs labs they don’t really need, the nurse is ok with it, however every once in a while they’ll need them for a procedure or to recheck/monitor previous critical labs so I’ll have to find one.
I’ve correctly used one once, and missed on both attempts. The light messes with my eyes, and I found it projects the vein inaccurately if it’s not directly above and parallel with whatever you’re sticking. Second time I did it the machine to hold it up was kind of busted so it wasn’t held up very well, and as a result when I went to stick my hand kind of blocked the light. Got it first try. Any time after that I used that method. Appear to use it then block the light. Only thing it’s good for imo is cutting down on the time it takes to palpate and feel out a vein.
Any advice on how to use them properly is appreciated. Or if I should just stick (ba dum, tss) with my current method

I am 39f married to 45m narcissist. We have been together since April of 2020. We married a few months after we met. Those were the best days. In the beginning, I had never met a man so respectful and such a charismatic gentleman. He would always play talk saying he was just getting in good. I should have believed that. I have a daughter 9, from a previous marriage. It was an abusive relationship that lasted 27 years. How I managed to get out of it was pure work. Years of practicing positive thoughts. I have PTSD, bipolar 1, manic anxiety, and OCD. I see a doctor regularly and I go to any and every chance to learn and grow more to not show any symptoms. Fake it till ya make it. Now my husband has some me tal issues. He definitely is ADHD that's known. But there are others, anxiety being the absolute worst you can imagine, others that are undiagnosed. I was not aware of narcissism at all. 3 years prior to our meeting, he was in a tragic car accident and resulted in traumatic brain injury. Also after that, while taking a walk a car ran him over and left him for dead. His left leg is titanium from knee to ankle. Not only, all his previous relationships were toxic for him actually. Every time the woman left him for another man they cheated with. So along with the childhood trauma that no one wants to admit, he is drinker, previous drug problems from the past, pill problem from the past also, been to jail a couple times. He did got AA to quit drinking and a rehab with a 12 step program. So he still drinks only from time to time, but has been off drugs as pills without wanting to return to that. Now, back to the present day. He has Chronic pain from his leg injury and as of 9 mths ago, hurt his right foot somehow pedaling a bike to rush to see me at the hospital because I had our daughter. That was not planned nor we we're not aware I was pregnant. No baby bump. She is fully developed with absolutely no problems at all. Healthy. So I have a daughter 9 that doesn't live with me but comes for visits, and now another daughter, his only biological daughter that is his exact mini. He loves her and is very protective of her. He doesn't do much as of diapers or feeding with solids, he has done it but cannot stomach the mess of baby food. He does spend time with her and is so doting. He gets depressed and down off and on. He has not worked in a year or so because of the pain and problems worsening physically. Trying for disability. So I take care of him and whatever he needs. He is spoiled yes. But he is built to work that all he knew before so he does help around the house and projects if his liking. He is an angry and bitter man about his past. Holds anyone for anything they done wrong and when they cross his mind he is livid. There was no anger towards me until he lost his last job. He physically was unable to keep on so they let him go. It changed him for the worse. After that happened he went into a very deep depression and started taking his pain and anxiety and anger or anything that bothered him out on me. This was very new to me and very hurtful. I didn't what to think or how to feel because after a short time or a nap he would be normal and loving again. It was odd and confusing. Very hurtful and I started getting worse each time and then more and more. I eventually started fighting him back. Defending myself to his claims. I would get loud and yell because he just wouldn't stop going off. All of it was bs. He never told anyone else about it, just hurt me. Eventually it got so bad that I would physically hurt him then take the baby and leave for a while. One time I slept in my car just to be away from him. No cops ever involved. But he would go through the cycle and apologize and tell me all the good things he used to. He would tell me that the hurtful things were not true, he never felt that way, he would just do that to hurt me. At those times he would admit to the abuse and that he was wrong and hated that he would ever do that. But it would keep happening in cycles. I eventually stopped fighting and just would walk off away and cry. He always said something I did or said would just trigger his anger. So I naturally thought it was all me messing us up. Even went into a hospital for mental health for a week. It isn't me. His mom who I am so close to, told me in passing one day he was a narcissist. I didn't think about it enough or anything to change my mind that it wasn't stemming from his past. Well as of lately she brought it to my attention several times. So I finally saw something on narcissism on TikTok. Which I saw that, I immediately started researching everything I could find about it. I am an empath and he does go through the same motions as every other one. I mean I have read countless articles where the situation was so similar it could have been myself. Through this research I have also learned that it's very possible that he could never get better and in fact as he ages, it will worsen. Now it's been 3 very hard years for us. It has not been all bad. And I have reacted horribly to his outbursts. Now I have decided to try to stay the course. I love him and he does show me love too. I know how to play the game and am willing to play until he leaves himself on his own decision. He has never shut me out or left me at All even at his maddest times. No matter what I did. So I'm not convinced that he will leave. I do think that he has to rely on me so much that it is easier for him not to go. And when he is normal self I am above and beyond happy to help and do for him. When the darkness comes out, I notice it immediately because his tone always changes. He will start the devaluing and I will either agree with him in a nonchalant way or just completely play it off like I truly don't care. So I don't really take what he says in those moments to heart. Truly what he is saying to me is what he is and is doing to me himself. I know to not react to it at all so I don't or I react in a very positive loving way and manner he stops and changes his words back to sometimes even saying that I was right. So I will just play his game with him. When it's good times, it's better than I imagined heaven. When its bad, the hurt has been replaced with what's the sweetest and most positive way to end it quickly. We don't get physical or no raised voices. He says his hurtful things and I might even agree and apologize or walk away and start a complete different subject and that throws him off. Remember he's ADHD, I find a pleasant way to distract him from the madness. It's become just an inconvenience for me and I have struggled to keep my composure, but it's a work in progress. As it took about 10 years to be an automatic positive thinker and person in general, this will take time and practice too. But I think it will be second nature in no time. I have faith! #strong #boss

Regardless of how good things seem to go, I always find myself back in this position. Usually in bed staring at the ceiling or the blank walls. I’m overcome by a feeling of dread and despair, but simultaneously apathy and disregard. I’ll have an amazing night out with friends or people I love, I come home and am greeted by my cat. The dirty dishes pile up, and chores I neglect continue being neglected. My life is good yet I feel so empty and alone.
I always find myself in this cyclical cycle of suicidal thoughts. I fear my depression may truly be insurmountable. I realize the true gravity of what depression is. I will feel like this forever. No matter how good things go, how hard I’ll laugh and what fond memories I make I will always return to this plane of thought and being. Nobody understands how much I suffer in silence. I don’t want to be a burden on others, but I feel it’s futile to bother expressing the true scale of suffering experienced in silence and alone in own head.
People think of depression as being sad, but the worst part is the general apathy and desaturation of life. I know if I killed my self tomorrow so many people would be shocked, most couldn’t imagine me being depressed let alone suffering for so long. I feel like it’s inevitable I will kill myself. I feel like I have no other choice. It’s not like I’m actively attempting suicide, but one of these nights something will eventually give. The feeling is corrosive, an uphill battle. You can do what you want to stave away the pain, drown out the suffering. Maybe it works, but inevitably it’s not enough. Depression is death by a thousand cuts, slowly accruing mental fatigue until it’s too much.
Maybe tomorrow, maybe 5 years from now, who knows. One day I won’t be strong enough to fight anymore and depression will win. Something you can’t “fix” or “cure” means we can only cope. I don’t know how much longer I can cope for. I’m tired, just so exhausted.
The happiest people are sometimes the saddest.

(Just to clarify this isn’t my story, this is a story by u/vunto4 just rewritten from a different perspective)
Original Post
I AM NOT THE FARMERS, I’m simply telling their perspective
My family is a group of farmers that live in a rural community out in the Midwest. Last year some new neighbors moved into a small lot near our house and have been causing some issues. We being farmers, that live in a farming community tend to farm. Farming often entails using heavy machinery and owning farm animals. Our neighbors aren’t particularly esatic about this. Our neighbor’s teenage daughter gave us dirty looks when we tried to get a cow that wandered off back into our yard. One time, during the middle of the night our neighbor's teenage daughter blasted loud rap music from their car. We had a discussion with our neighbors and we came to an agreement that their daughter will apologize for her behavior. However, this has never occurred. Fortunately we caught a break from our neighbors when they decided to go on a trip for spring break. We used this opportunity to begin construction on a new pig farm near our neighbors property. In case you aren’t familiar with pig farms, they smell BAD, and are generally unpleasant. This is a tactic used to drive out annoying neighbors and it’s certainly an effective one.
TLDR: Annoying nuisance neighbors will be repelled by a new pig farm near their property.

Hi everyone! I started Auvelity tonight and I am going to post updates on this thread throughout my experience to help me track how it goes for my own personal reasons, as well as to help others who might find it useful.
Personal information: 24, white, female, in a relationship, in graduate school, have a beagle (my savior), currently seeing a great therapist and psychiatrist, do not drink alcohol (anymore), do smoke weed (however, I will not be for the first week or so of starting Auvelity)
Current diagnoses: CPTSD, Bipolar 2, GAD, OCD-like symptoms but not officially diagnosed
Past misdiagnoses: MDD, ADHD
Most prominent/debilitating symptoms: extreme anxiety (sometimes paranoia) about anything and everything, panic attacks (waking up in panic in the middle of the night, fear of driving long distances in case I have a panic attack, obsessing about reality and existence), severe depressive episodes (have been hospitalized once), suicidal ideation for as long as I can remember, hypomania generally presents itself in the form of severe anxiety, health anxiety (I am a little scared about starting this medication), episodes of depersonalization/derealization, executive dysfunction, trouble falling asleep and trouble waking up/getting out of bed in the morning
Current medication regimen: Klonopin/clonazepam 0.5mg AM + PRN (but I try to not take it more than once a day unless it's an emergency because ultimately I want to get off of it), birth control pills AM, Luvox/fluvoxamine 50 mg PM (psych decreased from 100mg to 50mg in order to start Auvelity), Trileptal/oxcarbazepine 600mg PM
Past medications that I've been on/did not work: Zoloft, Prozac, Lexapro, Effexor, Adderall, Ativan, Lamictal, Trazadone (this worked for sleep for sure but not for depression), Wellbutrin (have been on this three times--the most recent time it helped with depression but made my anxiety unmanageable, which is why my psych recommended Auvelity)
Coping skills/hobbies: cooking, cleaning, journaling, crochet, weight lifting, gardening/plants, reading (I feel like I’m doing everything right! Why does nothing work?😭)
Here goes nothing!!! Let’s see if it works! 🤞🏻

Hello everyone,
I'm a new NICU father hoping to learn some general advice or skills for our stay in the NICU.
Our son was born(full-term) on Friday and was diagnosed with Interrupted Aortic Arch Type B with VSD. Besides the CHD, he has done amazing all around. He's been gaining weight, drinking from the bottle, and was taken off his oxygen yesterday. He was diagnosed with a different heart defect in the womb, so we were at least mentally prepared he would be in NICU.
The intense anxiety of being in the NICU and freaking out over every beep or breath has disipated (at times lol).
We had to relocate to a bigger hospital 2 1/2 hours away and plan on staying here until he's discharged. Unfortunately, our 3 year old son is unable to stay with us, and is back home with his grandparents for the time being. It's been tough being away from our toddler, but we plan on alternating with the grandparents on visits back and forth.
We're waiting for our NICU baby's heart surgery to be scheduled. Luckily, our nurse has been great and pushed us to be more involved in our son's care. We've been able to hold him, feed him, and change some diapers.
The emotions have been a rollercoaster. But I'm very thankful for the great hospital staff that have such an important impact on so many children.
I apologize for the rambling, but I just need somewhere to spill everything.
TL:DR: How can parents cope with an extended stay in the NICU? Has anyone had to deal with the long distance from home while having a toddler unable to stay?

Sure the Lone Wolf trope is fun, but do you know what's more fun? The Unstoppable Duo! I am searching for a partner to be the Yin to my Yang, the peanut butter to my jelly (we can debate who is what later), and I am looking to embark on a story creating journey that fulfills this. But what exactly do I mean?
My character, Markus, is the prince of a small kingdom in the north, Eratia, and second in line for the thrown. Eratia is known for its rich mines and other natural resources, however, a lack of easily settleable land, harsh winters, and generally poor soil kept the rich nation from becoming too powerful on the grand stage. Your character (YC) is a princess from Aestas is a much larger and more powerful kingdom to the south. Located in the center of the continent in a mix of rolling hills and plains, the area provided rich farmland and benefited from being a constant trade hub. YC is second in line to the throne of Aestas, but since she has an older sister she has been little more than an afterthought in the minds of her parents since she was a child.
I know I know, prince and princess is boring, but hang on I'm getting there!
After a 5 year war, Aestas defeats Eratia and semi-absorbs them into its growing empire. Markus is publicly blamed for the loss by his father the king due to Markus' position in the military despite the fact that forces outside of his control were to blame. YC is used as a pawn in the truce as an arranged marriage is settled upon by both kings to join their houses and make public opinion soar.
Here is where the fun begins! After a (relatively) straight forward enemies-to-lovers/arranged marriage relationship blooms, the two set out on a path to take revenge on those in power who sold them out and to take over the throne of Aestas. This will be a path of action, political intrigue, espionage, romance, and more. But at the center of it all is an unwavering power couple, Markus and YC.
As a few more small notes on my idea: Please bring your creative brain. Ideas on how to improve the concept? Yes please! Paths for twists, turns, and surprises? Encouraged! Simply have a better name for the kingdoms? Great! Also, I'm imaging this set in a made up world, one that has forms of technology. Although the setting is socially and politically medieval, the idea of sticking with dirty castles, unshoweritg people, and disease isn't very appealing to me. I'm considering maybe including some kind of superpower system? We would have to chat more. Speaking of you, I do have some requirements:

1. I am looking for an advanced role-player. I won't count your lines like a teacher, but I am shooting for near-novella levels.
2. Be creative and open to world building, storytelling, character development etc.
3. Please be responsive. I understand life gets in the way, sometimes I have days were I simply can't respond, but if this isn't what you're looking for please tell me. This is a prompt I've thought about for a long while and if you're not right for it that is alright, just let me know.
4. I primarily use discord and would appreciate the same.
5. I frequently use OOC not just to discuss the role-play, but maybe just to be friendly. This isn't necessarily a requirement, but definitely something to point out.

Below is a small writing sample loosely based on this idea. This particular scene does not have to actually occur or be included:
Markus stood above a steel table upon with a holo-map lay strewn across. Section G7 kept flickering and he made a mental note to tear the tech officer a new one for letting him use a damaged map. His rough hands remained planted on the table edge in front of him as he leaned forward to examine the map. Those barbarians didn't have much in the way of tactics, but they sure made up for it in ferocity and in numbers. Markus ran a set of rough fingers through his long blonde hair. He was sure he needed a shower and a shave, but this wasn't the time for such niceties.
Markus adjusted his feet on the dirt floor. It was made of clay, terrible for farming and even worse to set up camp in. His eyes glanced up and took in the command tent for what felt like the thousandth time that hour. The prefabricated structure was usually teaming with life, but Markus had dismissed his men earlier. They needed rest and he needed time to think. The lifeless monitors rested on a pale red Home Screen with a spinning black logo in the middle, the seal of Aestas. It plastered an eery red glow on the tent and clashed heavily with the unnatural blue light arising from the holo-map.
Markus' mind needed to be on troop movements, supply lines, possible exit strategies, and more, but truthfully he was unable to concentrate. Also for what felt like the thousandth time, Markus reached in his pocket and pulled out a folded photograph. The edges of the film had started to curl from being carried around, but he didn't care. He opened the photo and a tired smile grew across his face. There were plenty of portraits and photoshoots of the princess around and she looked stunning in all of them, but this was his favorite image of her. It was an off-guard photo. She had been looking out over their balcony with the sunrise on her skin when she turned to face him and he had snapped the picture. Despite his overwhelming love for her a pit of worry still sat in his stomach. Her scheme was supposed to be set in motion today and he could only hope it went off without a hitch.
Okay! That's all! If you made it this far I hope you're interested and I look forward to seeing you soon!