Rules for the Sterling Void: The Valley of Gods and Monsters
You need a change. You need some excitement. Your life feels like it’s been mis-sold to you. Damaged goods that you’re desperate to return, but sadly, you were born out of warranty. You hate your job. You hate your home. You don’t have any family or friends that you feel you can connect to. Student loans, mortgages, bills overdue. You left your dreams to gather dust and crumble like some ancient artifacts in a museum’s stock room. When did it all go so wrong? Nothing has turned out the way you hoped it would when you were a kid. It’s all just been a series of compounding mistakes. Why did nobody tell you that, after a certain point life just seems to get worse and worse? It’s not that you want to die. No, that isn’t it at all. You want another throw of the dice. You want to start again, at a different place, in a different time. You want to go somewhere where you can begin anew, with a completely clean slate. That’s when you first hear about the Sterling Void: The Valley of Gods and Monsters.
A mysterious valley that was said to be home to powerful gods and terrifying monsters. Despite the warnings of the locals, you just cannot resist the allure of the unknown and decided to seek out the valley. After many days of arduous travel through rugged terrain, you finally find yourself at the entrance to the valley. There, you see a sign with a seemingly otherworldly language that makes you uneasy and a lectern with a blue scroll on top of it, a sense of dread washes over you and, just as you take a step forward, it hits you, literally, a note hits you in the face, it contains a set of petrifying rules, but your curiosity gets the better of you. You take a deep breath and step into the valley, fully unaware of the horrors that await you. As you walk further into the valley, the you begin to notice strange things. The colours of the plants and rocks seem to shift and change, and the sky above you is a deep shade of purple. You hear whispers in your ear, but when you turn around, no one’s there. Suddenly, you feel a tug at your feet and look down to see tendrils of mist wrapping around your ankles, pulling you down.
You tried to fight it, but it’s no use. You are dragged down into the mist, and when you finally emerge, you find yourself in a completely different world. The sky is a shade of silver, and the ground beneath you is made of shimmering white crystals. The air is thick with the scent of burning incense and the sense of unbelievable petrifying dread, and you can hear chanting in the distance. This is the Sterling Void, explorer and the you are now trapped there, but you wanted this and you are to blame. You knew that you had to follow the rules if they wanted to survive in this strange and dangerous place. And so, begins your journey through the Valley of Gods and Monsters, where you might face unimaginable horrors yet discover incredible secrets that may change your life forever.
Take a deep breath, adventurer, and savor the scents of burning incense and warm air. Listen closely to the wyverns chirping, inviting you to join them in eternal flight. But beware the staring imps, giants, ogres and griffins, ready to pounce at any moment. An insolent stare and you’ll be in their grasp, a glob of flesh. Remember the note you found, its warning ringing in your mind: 'Follow the rules or perish.' You shudder at the thought, but you're determined to make it through the Valley alive. You pull out the crumpled note as a reminder and steel yourself for the journey ahead. It reads the following -
Rule #1: Do not look at the gods or monsters, some of them are incomprehensible to humans in their "natural form" and, their mere presence can drive a person insane. Although it's not the case for all of them, it's better to be safe than sorry.
Rule #2: Make as little noise as possible. The gods and monsters can hear even the slightest sound and, if you're too obnoxious or noisy, you might be stripped of your soul.
Rule #3: Do not touch or disturb any objects that appear out of place, as they may be cursed or possessed by malevolent entities. These objects may include ancient artifacts, unusual stones, or unusual markings on the ground. If you encounter such objects, it is best to avoid them altogether and move on. Attempting to interact with them or take them may lead to disastrous consequences, such as being possessed by a vengeful spirit or cursed with a never-ending torment. Always exercise caution and respect for the supernatural forces that inhabit the Sterling Void. The objects in the valley can bring forth unspeakable horrors.
Rule #4: Only eat fruits and vegetables, as they are provided abundantly by the plants. Do not harm any animals unless they attack you first, as they are protected by divine grace. However, if the elementals or gods provide you with meat, you may eat it. It is important to follow the rules of supernatural hospitality and show gratitude for their generosity. Breaking this rule will result in severe consequences and you will forfeit the right to your soul and flesh, as it is a sign of disrespect towards the beings that have granted you protection and shelter. Remember, survival is possible without meat, but it is impossible without the protection of the elementals and gods.
Rule #5: Do not breathe in the mist. The mist in the valley can cause hallucinations and distort your perception of reality, making it dangerous to navigate. Cover your nose and mouth with a cloth if you must pass through it.
Rule #6: Do not touch the water unless it is orange in color. The water in the valley is cursed, and those who drink from it will suffer a fate worse than death. If you must drink, only drink from the "gilded water" that is orange in color and has regenerative properties.
Rule #7: Do not make eye contact with the statues. The statues in the valley are cursed, and those who look into their eyes will be trapped in a never-ending nightmare.
Rule #8: Do not trust your senses entirely. The valley can play tricks on your mind, and what you perceive may not always be real. Always verify your surroundings before making decisions.
Rule #9: Do not speak to anyone or anything that could possibly be a malevolent creature. The valley is home to creatures that can mimic human voices, and their intentions are often malevolent. Be cautious and discerning in your interactions .
Rule #10: Do not attempt to leave the valley without proper preparation. The gods and monsters that reside within the valley will make it difficult to leave.
Rule #11: Try to minimize use of light especially if you're out in the open. The creatures in the valley hate it and, and may hunt those who use it.
Rule #12: Do not disrupt the natural order of the valley. The curse that plagues the valley is delicate and easily disrupted. Avoid stepping on any cracks or disturbing the natural environment. Those who break the natural order will suffer dire consequences.
Rule #13: Do not open any doors unless you know where they lead. Some doors in the valley lead to places best left unexplored. If you do not know where a door leads, do not open it.
Rule #14: Do not climb any trees unless it is necessary. The trees in the valley are alive and may trap you if you climb them. Only climb if it is necessary for your survival.
Rule #15: Do not use any technology unless it is absolutely necessary. The valley is a place of ancient magic, and technology may anger the gods and monsters that reside within it. Use technology sparingly and only when it is necessary for your survival.
Rule #16: Do not pick any flowers unless they're orange, pink or red. Most flowers in the valley are cursed, and those who touch them will suffer a fate worse than death.
Rule #17: Do not enter any caves. The caves in the valley are home to creatures best left undiscovered.
Rule #18: Do not follow any "weird" sounds. The sounds in the valley are often a trap set by the creatures that inhabit it.
Rule #19: Should you spot an Inn with a sign or a placard reads "The Guardian's Grin" on the road-side, you’re in luck! You’ve found a traveller’s haven. Feel free to spend as much time as you want here and even stock up on supplies and, if you have need something, feel free to ask the staff for help. However, try not to be a nuisance and, don't overstay your welcome if you turn out to be a nuisance, the owner doesn't take kindly to those who abuse his hospitality. If you make a mess or, are a nuisance, don't stay for more than a day. And, in case you're wondering, none of the inhabitants of the inn are human no matter how human they look or, act.
Rule #20: Do not stay in one place for too long. This makes you an easier target for the creatures in the valley. Always be on the move, and do not linger in any one place for too long.
Rule #21: Do not attempt to communicate with the gods or monsters unless you have a concrete reason to or you really think you need to. They do not like pointless chatter, and attempting to communicate with them without any concrete reason so will only anger them.
Rule #22: Do not walk in predictable patterns. This can draw unwanted attention from the creatures in the valley. Vary your movements and be unpredictable.
Rule #23: Do not look at the sky, the sky looks like it’s made of silver alloys and, it is utterly incomprehensible to humans because of how “perfect” it is. And, can drive them insane, it is called the “sterling void” for a reason
Rule #24: If you see wooden signs or, milestones, do not read them or look at them for too long, they are memetic hazards.
Rule #25: If you hear screams of help, don't answer them. Don't move, you can't run or hide. Simply pray for salvation for heaven's divine grace. Only move when help comes, you'll know when help comes.
Rule #26: If you see an animal that has gone extinct in your universe, don't fret. It's neutral. It won't attack you unless you attack it.
Rule #27: If you see a loved one or, an object that you cherished but, lost, you are in a different plane of reality. The beings in this reality will try to convince you that you are home, and that everything is back to normal. They will try to keep you there, so be careful not to let your guard down. If you stay too long, you may forget who you really are and become trapped in this false reality forever. Keep in mind that even though the beings in this reality may look like your loved ones or your cherished objects, they are not the same entities and cannot be trusted. Stay alert and focused on finding a way back to your own reality. Look for blue-colored entrances and, exits for they are the only way out.
Rule #28: If you find scrolls, pick them up, they're going to be useful. Unless they're black in which case, they're best avoided as they're memetic hazards.
And just as you put the note back in your pocket, you remember the blue scroll, you take it out. It reads "The Nameless One is a fearsome creature that roams the deepest and darkest corners of the Valley of Gods and Monsters. Its origins are shrouded in mystery, and its true name is lost to the ages, but one thing is certain: it is a force to be reckoned with. Towering over its prey, the Nameless One is covered in an impenetrable layer of obsidian armor, and wields a massive hammer that can crush even the strongest of warriors. Its eyes glow with an otherworldly light, and its roar can shatter the very ground beneath your feet. Few have dared to face the Nameless One and lived to tell the tale, but those who have speak of a creature that is relentless, cunning, and utterly without mercy. If you ever find yourself face to face with the Nameless One, pray that you have the strength, the skill, and the luck to survive its wrath. If you see any of his minions, you will know. Stay away from them, if you harm them, you will anger the Nameless one. And don't fall asleep out in the open unless you want to become food for his minions
Remember, these rules are not to be taken lightly. They're more than just words on a piece of paper. They're like the Nameless One's eldritch serpentine minions, crawling underneath your skin, snaking through your blood and flesh, like a caterpillar playing host to thousands of wasp larvae. Although you may feel weakened, tired and disoriented, it's crucial to push through. Shake off the feeling and continue with unwavering determination. Your survival hinges on your ability to persevere. And, do keep in mind that sometimes you might have to violate these rules but, do not break any of these rules unless explicitly told to ignore a given rule. Only trust notes from me( You'll know if a note is from me) and, non-black scrolls. Do not trust any other source of information though you can try your luck with certain gods, fairies and elementals . But, not all rules necessarily have to be correct. And, do not forget the rules. Forgetting even one of the rules can lead to disastrous consequences.
As you’re about to roll the scroll, you notice a poem at the bottom that reads -
I am a set of rules, both true and false,
Some may lead you right, others may convulse.
Secrets I hold, mysteries I hide,
But beware, dear explorer, for I may misguide.
​
Beware of sneaky contradictions,
And secrets lost in the Void's evictions.
Can you spot the lies, can you see?
Or will they trip you up and deceive?
​
I am a list of rules, some true and some fake,
Read me closely, your life is at stake.
The truth is hidden, the lies intertwined,
Can you spot the deception and leave it behind?
​
But beware, dear reader, for beyond these words,
A darkness looms, like flocks of ominous birds.
The raven is watching, its eyes full of dread,
A symbol of death, of melancholy, and of what lies ahead.
​
You keep exploring.
A voice in the back of your brain keeps chanting "Don’t fall asleep" as you walk.
You keep exploring.

Welcome to another month! That means it's time for our monthly update on retiring sets. Not many changes this time around, but there were a lot of sets added to the database!
As always, we owe a massive thanks to ZombieYeti from the BrickHound Discord for providing this valuable data. If you're looking for real-time in-stock/deal alerts for Lego.com and other sites, make sure to check out his server.
This information is scraped directly from Lego's website, and all dates are subject to change. ZombieYeti is currently developing a website to host this data and offer real-time updates. In the meantime, here is a list of every set and their corresponding retirement date as per LEGO's system!
FULL LIST ON GOOGLE SHEETS HERE <--
If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask. Due to Reddit's character limits, we can't include everything here, but the full spreadsheet contains every set.

• CHANGELOG FOR APRIL:

Theme	Set #	Set Name	Old Date	New Date	Change
Creator	40646	Daffodils	Dec 31, 2025	Dec 31, 2023	-2 years
Icons	40516	Everyone is Awesome	Dec 31, 2023	Dec 31, 2024	+1 year
Promotional	60369	Mobile Police Dog Training	Dec 31, 2023	Dec 31, 2024	+1 year
Minifigures	71038	LEGO® Minifigures Disney 100	N/A	Aug 31, 2023	NEW
Minecraft / BrickHeadz	40624	Alex	N/A	Dec 31, 2023	NEW
Minecraft / BrickHeadz	40625	Llama	N/A	Dec 31, 2023	NEW
Minecraft / BrickHeadz	40626	Zombie	N/A	Dec 31, 2023	NEW
Indiana Jones	77012	Fighter Plane Chase	N/A	Dec 31, 2024	NEW
Indiana Jones	77013	Escape from the Lost Tomb	N/A	Dec 31, 2024	NEW
Indiana Jones	77015	Temple of the Golden Idol	N/A	Dec 31, 2024	NEW
Jurassic Park	76957	Velociraptor Escape	N/A	Dec 31, 2024	NEW
Jurassic Park	76958	Dilophosaurus Ambush	N/A	Dec 31, 2024	NEW
Jurassic Park	76959	Triceratops Research	N/A	Dec 31, 2024	NEW
Jurassic Park	76960	Brachiosaurus Discovery	N/A	Dec 31, 2024	NEW
Jurassic Park	76961	Visitor Centre: T. rex & Raptor Attack	N/A	Dec 31, 2024	NEW
Mario	71423	Dry Bowser Castle Battle	N/A	Dec 31, 2024	NEW
Star Wars	75346	Pirate Snub Fighter	N/A	Dec 31, 2024	NEW
Star Wars	75358	Tenoo Jedi Temple	N/A	Dec 31, 2024	NEW
Star Wars	75361	Spider Tank	N/A	Dec 31, 2024	NEW
Star Wars	75363	The Mandalorian's N-1 Starfighter Microfighter	N/A	Dec 31, 2024	NEW
Duplo	10998	3-in-1 Magical Castle	N/A	Dec 31, 2025	NEW
Icons	10317	Land Rover Classic Defender 90	N/A	Dec 31, 2025	NEW

• RETIRING IN 2023:

Theme	Set #	Set Name	Retirement Date
Minifigures	66733	Minifigures - Series 24	Apr 30, 2023
Classic	11015	Around the World	Jul 31, 2023
Creator	31123	Off-Road Buggy	Jul 31, 2023
Disney	10780	Mickey and Friends Castle Defenders	Jul 31, 2023
Disney	43203	Aurora, Merida and Tiana's Enchanted Creations	Jul 31, 2023
Dots	41962	Unicorn Creative Family Pack	Jul 31, 2023
Mario	71404	Goomba's Shoe	Jul 31, 2023
Mario	71407	Cat Peach Suit and Frozen Tower	Jul 31, 2023
Mario	71409	Big Spike's Cloudtop Challenge	Jul 31, 2023
Mario	71412	Big Bad Island	Jul 31, 2023
Mindstorms	51515	Robot Inventor	Jul 31, 2023
Minecraft	21187	The Red Barn	Jul 31, 2023
Ninjago	71738	Zane's Titan Mech Battle	Jul 31, 2023
Ninjago	71754	Water Dragon	Jul 31, 2023
Ninjago	71756	Hydro Bounty	Jul 31, 2023
Ninjago	71759	Ninja Dragon Temple	Jul 31, 2023
Ninjago	71762	Kai's Fire Dragon EVO	Jul 31, 2023
Ninjago	71770	Zane's Golden Dragon Jet	Jul 31, 2023
Ninjago	71773	Kai's Golden Dragon Raider	Jul 31, 2023
Technic	42129	4x4 Mercedes-Benz Zetros Trial Truck	Jul 31, 2023
Minifigures	71038	LEGO® Minifigures Disney 100	Aug 31, 2023
Architecture	21054	The White House	Dec 31, 2023
Art	31203	World Map	Dec 31, 2023
Art	31205	Jim Lee Batman Collection	Dec 31, 2023
Art	31206	The Rolling Stones	Dec 31, 2023
Art	31207	Floral Art	Dec 31, 2023
Avatar	75571	Neytiri & Thanator vs. AMP Suit Quaritch	Dec 31, 2023
Avatar	75573	Floating Mountains: Site 26 & RDA Samson	Dec 31, 2023
Brickheadz	40540	Lion Dance Guy	Dec 31, 2023
Brickheadz	40541	Manchester United Go Brick Me	Dec 31, 2023
Brickheadz	40542	FC Barcelona Go Brick Me	Dec 31, 2023
Brickheadz	40554	Jake Sully & his Avatar	Dec 31, 2023
City	30638	Police Bike Training	Dec 31, 2023
City	30639	Dog Park and Scooter	Dec 31, 2023
City	41723	Donut Shop	Dec 31, 2023
City	41726	Holiday Camping Trip	Dec 31, 2023
City	60253	Ice-Cream Truck	Dec 31, 2023
City	60313	Space Ride Amusement Truck	Dec 31, 2023
City	60314	Ice Cream Truck Police Chase	Dec 31, 2023
City	60315	Police Mobile Command Truck	Dec 31, 2023
City	60317	Police Chase at the Bank	Dec 31, 2023
City	60318	Fire Helicopter	Dec 31, 2023
City	60319	Fire Rescue & Police Chase	Dec 31, 2023
City	60320	Fire Station	Dec 31, 2023
City	60321	Fire Brigade	Dec 31, 2023
City	60322	Race Car	Dec 31, 2023
City	60323	Stunt Plane	Dec 31, 2023
City	60324	Mobile Crane	Dec 31, 2023
City	60325	Cement Mixer Truck	Dec 31, 2023
City	60327	Horse Transporter	Dec 31, 2023
City	60330	Hospital	Dec 31, 2023
City	60332	Reckless Scorpion Stunt Bike	Dec 31, 2023
City	60333	Bathtub Stunt Bike	Dec 31, 2023
City	60335	Train Station	Dec 31, 2023
City	60338	Chimpanzee Smash Stunt Loop	Dec 31, 2023
City	60339	Double Loop Stunt Arena	Dec 31, 2023
City	60341	The Knockdown Stunt Challenge	Dec 31, 2023
City	60342	The Shark Attack Stunt Challenge	Dec 31, 2023
City	60343	Rescue Helicopter Transporter	Dec 31, 2023
City	60346	Barn & Farm Animals	Dec 31, 2023
City	60348	Lunar Roving Vehicle	Dec 31, 2023
City	60349	Lunar Space Station	Dec 31, 2023
City	60350	Lunar Research Base	Dec 31, 2023
City	60351	Rocket Launch Centre	Dec 31, 2023
City	60353	Wild Animal Rescue Missions	Dec 31, 2023
City	60354	Mars Spacecraft Exploration Missions	Dec 31, 2023
City	60355	Water Police Detective Missions	Dec 31, 2023
City	60356	Bear Stunt Bike	Dec 31, 2023
City	60357	Stunt Truck & Ring of Fire Challenge	Dec 31, 2023
City	60358	Cyber Stunt Bike	Dec 31, 2023
City	60359	Dunk Stunt Ramp Challenge	Dec 31, 2023
City	60360	Spinning Stunt Challenge	Dec 31, 2023
City	60361	Ultimate Stunt Riders Challenge	Dec 31, 2023
City	60371	Emergency Vehicles HQ	Dec 31, 2023
City	60382	Vet Van Rescue	Dec 31, 2023
City	60385	Construction Digger	Dec 31, 2023
City	60388	Gaming Tournament Truck	Dec 31, 2023
City	60390	Park Tractor	Dec 31, 2023
City	60393	4x4 Fire Truck Rescue	Dec 31, 2023
City	60394	ATV and Otter Habitat	Dec 31, 2023
Classic	11014	Bricks and Wheels	Dec 31, 2023
Classic	11018	Creative Ocean Fun	Dec 31, 2023
Classic	11019	Bricks and Functions	Dec 31, 2023
Classic	11021	90 Years of Play	Dec 31, 2023
Classic	11022	Space Mission	Dec 31, 2023
Classic	11031	Creative Monkey Fun	Dec 31, 2023
Creator	30641	Panda Bear	Dec 31, 2023
Creator	30642	Birthday Train	Dec 31, 2023
Creator	30644	Vintage Car	Dec 31, 2023
Creator	31111	Cyber Drone	Dec 31, 2023
Creator	31118	Surfer Beach House	Dec 31, 2023
Creator	31127	Street Racer	Dec 31, 2023
Creator	31128	Dolphin and Turtle	Dec 31, 2023
Creator	31130	Sunken Treasure Mission	Dec 31, 2023
Creator	31131	Downtown Noodle Shop	Dec 31, 2023
Creator	31132	Viking Ship and the Midgard Serpent	Dec 31, 2023
Creator	31143	Birdhouse	Dec 31, 2023
Creator	40461	Tulips	Dec 31, 2023
Creator	40469	Tuk Tuk	Dec 31, 2023
Creator	40568	Paris Postcard	Dec 31, 2023
Creator	40646	Daffodils	Dec 31, 2023
DC	76181	Batmobile: The Penguin Chase	Dec 31, 2023
DC	76220	Batman versus Harley Quinn	Dec 31, 2023
Disney	10777	Mickey and Minnie's Camping Trip	Dec 31, 2023
Disney	40521	Mini Disney The Haunted Mansion	Dec 31, 2023
Disney	41168	Elsa's Jewellery Box	Dec 31, 2023
Disney	43187	Rapunzel's Tower	Dec 31, 2023
Disney	43189	Elsa and the Nokk Storybook Adventures	Dec 31, 2023
Disney	43194	Anna and Elsa's Frozen Wonderland	Dec 31, 2023
Disney	43196	Belle and the Beast's Castle	Dec 31, 2023
Disney	43197	The Ice Castle	Dec 31, 2023
Disney	43198	Anna's Castle Courtyard	Dec 31, 2023
Disney	43199	Elsa's Castle Courtyard	Dec 31, 2023
Disney	43202	The Madrigal House	Dec 31, 2023
Disney	43204	Anna and Olaf's Castle Fun	Dec 31, 2023
Disney	43207	Ariel's Underwater Palace	Dec 31, 2023
Disney	43208	Jasmine and Mulan's Adventure	Dec 31, 2023
Disney	43209	Elsa and the Nokk's Ice Stable	Dec 31, 2023
Disney / BrickHeadz	40377	Donald Duck	Dec 31, 2023
Disney / BrickHeadz	40378	Goofy & Pluto	Dec 31, 2023
Disney / BrickHeadz	40476	Daisy Duck	Dec 31, 2023
Disney / BrickHeadz	40477	Scrooge McDuck, Huey, Dewey & Louie	Dec 31, 2023
Disney / BrickHeadz	40550	Chip & Dale	Dec 31, 2023
Disney / BrickHeadz	40553	Woody and Bo Peep	Dec 31, 2023
Disney / BrickHeadz	40622	Disney 100th Celebration BrickHeadz	Dec 31, 2023
Dots	41801	My Pets Bracelet	Dec 31, 2023
Dots	41802	Unicorns Forever Bracelet	Dec 31, 2023
Dots	41803	Extra Dots series 8	Dec 31, 2023
Dots	41805	Creative Animal Drawer	Dec 31, 2023
Dots	41806	Ultimate Party Kit	Dec 31, 2023
Dots	41807	Bracelet Designer Mega Pack	Dec 31, 2023
Dots	41808	Hogwarts Accessories Pack	Dec 31, 2023
Dots	41809	Hedwig Pencil Holder	Dec 31, 2023
Dots	41811	Hogwarts Desktop Kit	Dec 31, 2023
Dots	41947	Mickey and Friends Bracelets Mega Pack	Dec 31, 2023
Dots	41948	Cute Banana Pen Holder	Dec 31, 2023
Dots	41950	Lots of DOTS - Lettering	Dec 31, 2023
Dots	41951	Message Board	Dec 31, 2023
Dots	41957	Adhesive Patches Mega Pack	Dec 31, 2023
Dots	41959	Cute Panda Tray	Dec 31, 2023
Dots	41960	Big Box	Dec 31, 2023
Dots	41961	Designer Toolkit - Patterns	Dec 31, 2023
Dots	41963	Mickey Mouse & Minnie Mouse Stitch-on Patch	Dec 31, 2023
Dots	41964	Mickey Mouse & Minnie Mouse Back-to-School Project Box	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10411	Learn About Chinese Culture	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10872	Train Bridge and Tracks	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10882	Train Tracks	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10899	Frozen Ice Castle	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10930	Bulldozer	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10938	Dinosaur Nursery	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10944	Space Shuttle Mission	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10948	Parking Garage and Car Wash	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10949	Farm Animal Care	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10955	Animal Train	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10956	Amusement Park	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10960	Belle's Ballroom	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10962	Buzz Lightyear's Planetary Mission	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10963	Spider-Man & Friends: Funfair Adventure	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10964	Bath Time Fun: Floating Red Panda	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10968	Doctor Visit	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10972	Wild Animals of the Ocean	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10973	Wild Animals of South America	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10974	Wild Animals of Asia	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10976	Santa's Gingerbread House	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10977	My First Puppy & Kitten with Sounds	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10978	Creative Building Time	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	10979	Wild Animals of Europe	Dec 31, 2023
Duplo	30648	Whale	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	30633	Skate Ramp	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	30634	Friendship Flowers	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41443	Olivia's Electric Car	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41677	Forest Waterfall	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41696	Pony-Washing Stable	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41697	Turtle Protection Vehicle	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41699	Pet Adoption Café	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41703	Friendship Tree House	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41704	Main Street Building	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41705	Heartlake City Pizzeria	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41707	Tree-Planting Vehicle	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41708	Roller Disco Arcade	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41711	Emma's Art School	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41712	Recycling Truck	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41713	Olivia's Space Academy	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41714	Andrea's Theatre School	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41715	Ice Cream Truck	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41716	Stephanie's Sailing Adventure	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41717	Mia's Wildlife Rescue	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41718	Pet Day-Care Center	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41719	Mobile Fashion Boutique	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41720	Water Park	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41721	Organic Farm	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41722	Horse Show Trailer	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41729	Organic Grocery Store	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41732	Downtown Flower and Design Stores	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41733	Mobile Bubble Tea Shop	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41735	Mobile Tiny House	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41741	Dog Rescue Van	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41742	Cat Hotel	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41743	Hair Salon	Dec 31, 2023
Friends	41751	Skate Park	Dec 31, 2023
Harry Potter	75968	4 Privet Drive	Dec 31, 2023
Harry Potter	75969	Hogwarts Astronomy Tower	Dec 31, 2023
Harry Potter	75979	Hedwig	Dec 31, 2023
Harry Potter	76386	Hogwarts: Polyjuice Potion Mistake	Dec 31, 2023
Harry Potter	76398	Hogwarts Hospital Wing	Dec 31, 2023
Harry Potter	76399	Hogwarts Magical Trunk	Dec 31, 2023
Harry Potter	76400	Hogwarts Carriage and Thestrals	Dec 31, 2023
Harry Potter	76401	Hogwarts Courtyard: Sirius's Rescue	Dec 31, 2023
Harry Potter	76403	The Ministry of Magic	Dec 31, 2023
Harry Potter	76406	Hungarian Horntail Dragon	Dec 31, 2023
Harry Potter	76408	12 Grimmauld Place	Dec 31, 2023
Harry Potter	76409	Gryffindor House Banner	Dec 31, 2023
Harry Potter	76410	Slytherin House Banner	Dec 31, 2023
Harry Potter	76411	Ravenclaw House Banner	Dec 31, 2023
Harry Potter	76412	Hufflepuff House Banner	Dec 31, 2023
Harry Potter / Brickheadz	40495	Harry, Hermione, Ron & Hagrid	Dec 31, 2023
Harry Potter / Brickheadz	40560	Professors of Hogwarts	Dec 31, 2023
Holiday	30643	Easter Chickens	Dec 31, 2023
Holiday	40426	Christmas Wreath 2-in-1	Dec 31, 2023
Holiday	40522	Valentine Lovebirds	Dec 31, 2023
Holiday	40523	Easter Rabbits Display	Dec 31, 2023
Holiday	40570	Halloween Cat and Mouse	Dec 31, 2023
Holiday	40571	Wintertime Polar Bears	Dec 31, 2023
Holiday	40575	Year of the Rabbit	Dec 31, 2023
Holiday	80110	Lunar New Year Display	Dec 31, 2023
Holiday	80110	Lunar New Year Display	Dec 31, 2023
Holiday	80111	Lunar New Year Parade	Dec 31, 2023
Icons	10255	Assembly Square	Dec 31, 2023
Icons	10265	Ford Mustang	Dec 31, 2023
Icons	10266	NASA Apollo 11 Lunar Lander	Dec 31, 2023
Icons	10270	Bookshop	Dec 31, 2023
Icons	10273	Haunted House	Dec 31, 2023
Icons	10276	Colosseum	Dec 31, 2023
Icons	10278	Police Station	Dec 31, 2023
Icons	10289	Bird of Paradise	Dec 31, 2023
Icons	10290	Pickup Truck	Dec 31, 2023
Icons	10292	The Friends Apartments	Dec 31, 2023
Icons	10293	Santa's Visit	Dec 31, 2023
Icons	10299	Real Madrid - Santiago Bernabéu Stadium	Dec 31, 2023
Icons	10306	Atari 2600	Dec 31, 2023
Icons	10497	Galaxy Explorer	Dec 31, 2023
Icons	76989	Horizon Forbidden West: Tallneck	Dec 31, 2023
Ideas	21325	Medieval Blacksmith	Dec 31, 2023
Ideas	21326	Winnie the Pooh	Dec 31, 2023
Ideas	21329	Fender Stratocaster	Dec 31, 2023
Ideas	21331	Sonic the Hedgehog - Green Hill Zone	Dec 31, 2023
Ideas	21337	Table Football	Dec 31, 2023
Jurassic Park/World	76943	Pteranodon Chase	Dec 31, 2023
Jurassic Park/World	76945	Atrociraptor Dinosaur: Bike Chase	Dec 31, 2023
Jurassic Park/World	76946	Blue & Beta Velociraptor Capture	Dec 31, 2023
Jurassic Park/World	76947	Quetzalcoatlus Plane Ambush	Dec 31, 2023
Jurassic Park/World	76948	T. rex & Atrociraptor Dinosaur Breakout	Dec 31, 2023
Jurassic Park/World	76950	Triceratops Pickup Truck Ambush	Dec 31, 2023
Jurassic Park/World	76951	Pyroraptor & Dilophosaurus Transport	Dec 31, 2023
Jurassic Park/World	76956	T. rex Breakout	Dec 31, 2023
Lightyear	76830	Zyclops Chase	Dec 31, 2023
Lightyear	76831	Zurg Battle	Dec 31, 2023
Lightyear	76832	XL-15 Spaceship	Dec 31, 2023
Mario	71374	Nintendo Entertainment System	Dec 31, 2023
Mario	71406	Yoshi's Gift House	Dec 31, 2023
Mario	71413	Character Packs Series 6	Dec 31, 2023
Mario	71414	Conkdor's Noggin Bopper	Dec 31, 2023
Mario	71415	Ice Mario Suit and Frozen World	Dec 31, 2023
Mario	71416	Lava Wave Ride	Dec 31, 2023
Mario	71417	Fliprus Snow Adventure	Dec 31, 2023
Mario	71418	Creativity Toolbox	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	10781	Spider-Man's Techno Trike	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	10784	Spider-Man Webquarters Hangout	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	10790	Team Spidey at Green Goblin's Lighthouse	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76187	Venom	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76193	The Guardians' Ship	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76206	Iron Man Figure	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76207	Attack on New Asgard	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76208	The Goat Boat	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76209	Thor's Hammer	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76211	Shuri's Sunbird	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76212	Shuri's Lab	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76213	King Namor's Throne Room	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76214	Black Panther: War on the Water	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76215	Black Panther	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76216	Iron Man Armory	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76225	Miles Morales Figure	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76226	Spider-Man Figure	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76230	Venom Figure	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76241	Hulk Mech Armor	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76242	Thanos Mech Armor	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76243	Rocket Mech Armor	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76245	Ghost Rider Mech & Bike	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76253	Guardians of the Galaxy Headquarters	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76255	The New Guardians' Ship	Dec 31, 2023
Marvel	76256	Ant-Man Construction Figure	Dec 31, 2023
Minecraft	21164	The Coral Reef	Dec 31, 2023
Minecraft	21170	The Pig House	Dec 31, 2023
Minecraft	21172	The Ruined Portal	Dec 31, 2023
Minecraft	21177	The Creeper Ambush	Dec 31, 2023
Minecraft	21180	The Guardian Battle	Dec 31, 2023
Minecraft	21181	The Rabbit Ranch	Dec 31, 2023
Minecraft	21183	The Training Grounds	Dec 31, 2023
Minecraft	21184	The Bakery	Dec 31, 2023
Minecraft	21185	The Nether Bastion	Dec 31, 2023
Minecraft	21186	The Ice Castle	Dec 31, 2023
Minecraft	21188	The Llama Village	Dec 31, 2023
Minecraft	21190	The Abandoned Village	Dec 31, 2023
Minecraft	30647	The Dripstone Cavern/The Stalactite Cave	Dec 31, 2023
Minecraft / BrickHeadz	40624	Alex	Dec 31, 2023
Minecraft / BrickHeadz	40625	Llama	Dec 31, 2023
Minecraft / BrickHeadz	40626	Zombie	Dec 31, 2023
Misc	40174	LEGO Chess	Dec 31, 2023
Misc	40382	Birthday Set	Dec 31, 2023
Misc	40584	Birthday Diorama	Dec 31, 2023
Monkie Kid	30656	Monkey King Marketplace	Dec 31, 2023
Monkie Kid	80008	Monkie Kid's Cloud Jet	Dec 31, 2023
Monkie Kid	80030	Monkie Kid's Staff Creations	Dec 31, 2023
Monkie Kid	80032	Chang'e Moon Cake Factory	Dec 31, 2023
Monkie Kid	80033	Evil Macaque's Mech	Dec 31, 2023
Monkie Kid	80034	Nezha's Fire Ring	Dec 31, 2023
Monkie Kid	80035	Monkie Kid's Galactic Explorer	Dec 31, 2023
Monkie Kid	80037	Dragon of the East	Dec 31, 2023
Monkie Kid	80038	Monkie Kid's Team Van	Dec 31, 2023
Monkie Kid	80039	The Heavenly Realms	Dec 31, 2023
Ninjago	30649	Ice Dragon Creature	Dec 31, 2023
Ninjago	71757	Lloyd's Ninja Mech	Dec 31, 2023
Ninjago	71760	Jay's Thunder Dragon EVO	Dec 31, 2023
Ninjago	71761	Zane's Power Up Mech EVO	Dec 31, 2023
Ninjago	71763	Lloyd's Race Car EVO	Dec 31, 2023
Ninjago	71765	Ninja Ultra Combo Mech	Dec 31, 2023
Ninjago	71766	Lloyd's Legendary Dragon	Dec 31, 2023
Ninjago	71767	Ninja Dojo Temple	Dec 31, 2023
Ninjago	71768	Jay's Golden Dragon Motorbike	Dec 31, 2023
Ninjago	71769	Cole's Dragon Cruiser	Dec 31, 2023
Ninjago	71771	The Crystal King Temple	Dec 31, 2023
Ninjago	71772	The Crystal King	Dec 31, 2023
Ninjago	71774	Lloyd's Golden Ultra Dragon	Dec 31, 2023
Ninjago	71775	Nya's Samurai X MECH	Dec 31, 2023
Ninjago	71776	Jay and Nya's Race Car EVO	Dec 31, 2023
Ninjago	71781	Lloyd's Mech Battle EVO	Dec 31, 2023
Polybag	30435	Build Your Own Hogwarts Castle	Dec 31, 2023
Polybag	30509	Yellow Yoshi's Fruit Tree	Dec 31, 2023
Polybag	30510	90 Years of Cars	Dec 31, 2023
Polybag	30560	Pineapple Photo Holder & Mini Board	Dec 31, 2023
Polybag	30584	Winter Holiday Train	Dec 31, 2023
Polybag	30590	Farm Garden & Scarecrow	Dec 31, 2023
Polybag	30646	Moana's Dolphin Cove	Dec 31, 2023
Polybag	30651	Quidditch Practice	Dec 31, 2023
Polybag	30652	Doctor Strange's Interdimensional Portal	Dec 31, 2023
Polybag	30657	McLaren Solus GT	Dec 31, 2023
Promotional	40393	LEGOLAND Fire Academy	Dec 31, 2023
Promotional	40534	LEGO House Chef	Dec 31, 2023
Speed Champions	76900	Koenigsegg Jesko	Dec 31, 2023
Speed Champions	76901	Toyota GR Supra	Dec 31, 2023
Speed Champions	76906	1970 Ferrari 512 M	Dec 31, 2023
Speed Champions	76907	Lotus Evija	Dec 31, 2023
Speed Champions	76910	Aston Martin Valkyrie AMR Pro and Aston Martin Vantage GT3	Dec 31, 2023
Speed Champions	76911	007 Aston Martin DB5	Dec 31, 2023
Speed Champions	76912	Fast & Furious 1970 Dodge Charger T	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	30654	X-wing Starfighter Polybag	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75288	AT-AT	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75292	The Razor Crest	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75300	Imperial TIE Fighter	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75301	Luke Skywalker's X-wing Fighter	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75309	Republic Gunship	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75312	Boba Fett's Starship	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75317	The Mandalorian & The Child	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75318	The Child	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75320	Snowtrooper Battle Pack	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75322	Hoth AT-ST	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75323	The Justifier	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75324	Dark Trooper Attack	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75326	Boba Fett's Throne Room	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75327	Luke Skywalker (Red Five) Helmet	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75329	Death Star Trench Run Diorama	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75330	Dagobah Jedi Training Diorama	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75332	AT-ST	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75333	Obi-Wan Kenobi's Jedi Starfighter	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75334	Obi-Wan Kenobi vs. Darth Vader	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75335	BD-1	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75336	Inquisitor Transport Scythe	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75338	Ambush on Ferrix	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75339	Death Star Trash Compactor Diorama	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75342	Republic Fighter Tank	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75343	Dark Trooper Helmet	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars	75344	Boba Fett's Starship Microfighter	Dec 31, 2023
Star Wars / Brickheadz	40539	Ahsoka Tano	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	30655	Forklift with Pallet	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42096	Porsche 911 RSR	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42107	Ducati Panigale V4 R	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42111	Dom's Dodge Charger	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42117	Race Plane	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42118	Monster Jam Grave Digger	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42122	Jeep Wrangler	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42123	McLaren Senna GTR	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42125	Ferrari 488 GTE 'AF Corse #51'	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42127	The Batman - Batmobile	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42128	Heavy-Duty Tow Truck	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42131	Cat D11 Bulldozer	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42132	Chopper	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42133	Telehandler	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42134	Monster Jam Megalodon	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42135	Monster Jam El Toro Loco	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42137	Formula E Porsche 99x Electric	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42138	Ford Mustang Shelby GT500	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42139	All-Terrain Vehicle	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42140	App-Controlled Transformation Vehicle	Dec 31, 2023
Technic	42144	Material Handler	Dec 31, 2023

Today's anniversaries are:
1976

• Rush - 2112 ()

1999

• Venetian Snares - Fuck Canada / Fuck America (electronic, idm, analog, breakcore, drunk, heavy petting, jungle, ladies underwear, noise, speedcore, stupid, venetian snares, winnipeg, Winnipeg)

2000

• Anorexia Nervosa - Drudenhaus (black, black metal, death, extreme metal, metal, thrash, France)

2001

• Rammstein - Mutter (Metal)

2003

• Venetian Snares - Badminton (electronic, idm, analog, breakcore, jazz, jungle, Winnipeg)

2007

• Journal - Casualties of War (mathcore, metal, metalcore, music for video games, of, progressive metal, unlorja, war, Sacramento)

2008

• Poil - L'Ire des papes (progressive rock, rock, superhero big beat surf, noise, Lyon)

2009

• Comity - You Left Us Here… (metal, post hard core, violence, experimental, metal, sludge, Paris)

2010

• Down I Go - Witness the Shitness (dinocore, disastercore, metal, robotcore, tyrantcore, London)

2012

• Niechęć - Śmierć w miękkim futerku (jazz, jazz fusion, avant-garde, jazz and improvised music, jazz rock, post-rock, Warszawa)
  
• Profond Barathre, Rorcal, and Malvoisie - Split (black metal, geneva, metal, collaboration, doom, drone, post-hardcore, post-metal, split, Switzerland)
  
• The Great Gamble - Book 1 (progressive rock)
  

2013

• Postmadonna - Postmadonna (adhd rock, electronic, experimental, progressive rock, punk, alternative rock, math pop, math rock, Seattle)
  
• Pryapisme - Hyperblast Super Collider (metal, rocococore, avantgarde, experiemental, progressive, France)
  
• Teramobil - Multispectral Supercontinuum (metal, instrumental, mathcore, progressive, technical, Montreal)
  

2014

• Lee Wanner - Vanilla Suburb (Electro, Soul & Funk)
  
• Naðra - Eitur (black metal, metal, Iceland)
  
• Pyrrhon - The Mother of Virtues (extreme metal, metal, death metal, gorguts, metal, portal, progressive death metal, progressive metal, tech death, techdeath, technical death metal, ulcerate, New York)
  
• Throatpunch City - Two Thousand and Punch: A Face Odyssey (progressive rock, rock, math, math rock, mathrock, prog, prog rock, progressive, riffs, tech prog, UK) Read our review.
  

2015

• Time Bomb - Exegesis (deathcore, metal, avant-garde, crust, experimental, grindcore, mathcore, noisecore, progressive, Fresno)
  
• You Probably Haven't Heard of Us - Pretentious Hipster Garbage (experimental, hipster garbage, indie, metal, Baltimore)
  

2016

• Enlight - Voices (alternative, ep, enlight, progressive rock, ethereal, guitar, prog, voices, Melbourne)
  
• Entheos - The Infinite Nothing (Metal) Read our review.
  
• Hamburger Helper - Watch the Stove ()
  
• Huő - Sques (alternative, indie, indie rock, math rock, post-hardcore, Connecticut)
  
• I Am the Morning - Lighthouse (progressive rock, rock, baroque rock, chamber progressive, chamber rock, female vocals, neo-classical, string quartet, Sankt Peterburg) Read our review.
  
• Marena Whitcher's Shady Midnight Orchestra - Trü Wissdursiktiga Spukkisväberss (experimental, ghost jazz, jazz, pop, avant-garde, fairytale, spokenword, Switzerland) Read our review.
  
• Mogwai - Atomic (rock, alternative, instrumental rock, post-rock, soundtrack, soundtracks, United Kingdom)
  
• Moonsorrow - Jumalten aika (Pop, Rock, Hard Rock, Metal)
  
• Niechęć - Niechęć (jazz, jazz fusion, avant-garde, jazz, jazz and improvised music, jazz rock, nu-jazz, post-rock, Warszawa) Read our review.
  
• Piss Vortex - Future Cancer (experimental, experiemental, grindcore, hardcore, jazz, metal, Copenhagen)
  
• Port noir - Any Way the Wind Carries (Alternative) Read our review.
  
• Sevish - MK-Superduper (drum & bass, electronic, london, uk, atmospheric, breakbeat, drum and bass, "drum'n'bass", liquid, liquid dnb, microtonal, xenharmonic, United Kingdom) Read our review.
  
• Slice the Cake - Odyssey to the Gallows (death metal, deathcore, esoteric, metal, occult, progressive, Brighton) Read our review.
  
• Slice the Cake - Odyssey to the West (death metal, deathcore, esoteric, metal, occult, progressive, conceptual, esoteric, occult, technical death metal, Brighton) Read our review.
  
• The Algorithm - Brute Force (breakcore, electronic, electronic-metal, idm, metal, France) Read our review.
  
• The Enid - Dust (Alternative, Pop, Rock, Indie Rock/Rock pop) Read our review.
  
• Uncanny - Uncanny (experimental, metal, jazz, progressive, Oslo)
  
• Wildernessking - Levitate (atmospheric, black metal, metal, post, progressive, rock, Cape Town) Read our review.
  

2017

• Crater - Mother Unnatural (death metal, extreme metal, metal, progressive metal, Davenport)
  
• Hermelin - Tüdelüt (math rock)
  
• Lucio Hortas - Landscapes (metal, ambient, djent, instrumental, progressive metal, Buenos Aires)
  
• Soonago - Nephele (instrumental metal, rock, ambient, bielefeld, germany, instrumental rock, metal, post-metal, post-rock, postrock, rock, shoegaze, Bielefeld)
  
• Stnnng - Veterans of Pleasure (noise rock, punk, rock, art rock, post-punk, Minneapolis)
  
• Their Dogs Were Astronauts - The Djent (djent)
  

2018

• Asēitās - Asēitās (black metal, blackened death metal, death metal, metal, doom metal, technical death metal, Portland)
  
• Brutal Blues - BB (punk, grind, grindcore, noise, noise grind, space grind, Norway)
  
• Frayle - The White Witch (alternative, rock, doom, doom rock, hard rock, heavy, metal, stoner, stoner rock, witchrock, witchy, Cleveland)
  
• Ichika - He Never Fades (soundtrack, experimental, guitar instrumental, Tokyo)
  
• Ichika - She Waits Patiently (soundtrack, experimental, guitar instrumental, Tokyo)
  
• Ill Considered - 3 (experimental, improvisation, london, postjazz, soundtrack, London)
  
• Into the Infinite - Planar Collapse (death metal, deathcore, metal, breakdowns, chugs, djent, heavy metal, new jersey music, progressive metal, tech death, thrash, New Jersey)
  
• Jazztick - Game Set! (jazz, jazz fusion, arrangement, vgmusic, Santiago)
  
• Omega Diatribe - Trinity (djent, extreme metal, groove, groove metal, math metal, metal, modern metal, djent, math metal, progressive metal, Hungary)
  
• Pharnal - Limbes (jazz fusion, progressive rock, rock, prog, progressive, progressive metal, Lyon)
  
• Third Island - Omelas (metal, omelas, shoegaze, stoner metal, tipperary, doom, post-metal, post-rock, sludge, Limerick)
  
• Усы (Usy / uSSSy) - Demos (experimental, noise-rock, other, psychedelic, quarter-tones rock, город Москва)
  
• 大神棍 (Dàshén gùn) - 烈祝贺你妈福专 (Liè zhùhè nǐ mā fú zhuān / Bless Your Mother) (extreme metal, metal, alternative metal, funny, progressive metal, Beijing)
  

2019

• Dave Nasty & Antonio the Top Jawn - Unfair (experimental, brutal prog, harsh noise, heavy, industrial, industrial noise, no wave, noise rock, now wave, pigfuck, post-industrial, power electronics, psychedelic, sludge, Chicago)
  
• Ex fauna - Blue Moon (punk, antagonism, dissonant, experimental punk, noise, noise rock, sound effects, spastic, thrash, Chicago)
  
• Foli griô orquestra - Ajo (world fusion)
  
• Gardenjia - Immortal (metal, dark metal, progressive metal, Brindisi)
  
• Julien Favreuille, Christophe Motury, and Stefan Orins - Till mina vänner (jazz, Lille)
  
• Skeletonized - We Gladly Feast on Those who Would Subdue Us (experimental, electronic music, free improvisation, heavy, no wave, noise, noise punk, saxophone, Pittsburgh)
  
• The Orchestra of Mirrored Reflections - Best (Jazz)
  
• Tony Wilson & Burn Down the Cornfield - This Way through the Forest (experimental, jazz, experimental, jazz, Vancouver)
  
• Triocracy - Pyramid Scheme (creative jazz, jazz, avant garde jazz, classical jazz, jazz and improvised music, modern jazz, neo-classical, new classical-jazz-improvisation, new music, nu-jazz, Minneapolis)
  

2020

• Dead - Raving Drooling (experimental rock)
  
• Intoku - Intoku (math rock)
  
• Naegleria fowleri - Prognosis Dire (experimental death metal)
  
• OA/E? - Overview Effect (experimental electro)
  
• Paris Death Hilton - Age of Death (experimental math rock)
  
• Sandesh Nagaraj - Full of Life, Full of Death (contemporary classical, experimental electro)
  
• Sanity Obscure - Space. Doom. Mystery (technical death metal)
  
• Space Echo - 4月 (Shigatsu / April) (darkwave)
  
• Strange Things - Sunshine (post-rock)
  

2021

• Big Chef - Split with Big Chef (brutal death metal)
  
• Déhà - A fleur de peau Ⅳ : No More Dawn (post-black metal)
  
• Maston - Panorama (jazz fusion)
  
• Pulses - 話す (Hanasu) (nightcore)
  
• The Monsters of Kattegat Orchestra - Ghosts & Mementos (post-rock)
  
• Yoe - To Exist among Wolves (free improvisation, noise)
  
• Ահամահ (Ahamah) - Ահամահ (Ahamah) (blackened doom metal)
  

2022

• Amalia Umeda Quartet - Nowoświt (avant-garde jazz)
  
• Andromida - Wrath of the Vanguard (electro-djent)
  
• Aquae fūrtīvae - Road to Square One (progressive metal)
  
• Asher Gamedze, Xristian Espinoza, and Alan Bishop - Out Side Work (Two Duets) (free jazz)
  
• Awaken Eternity - Leviathan (progressive metal)
  
• Black Death Cult - Diaspora (blackened death metal)
  
• Bryan McAllister - I'll Meet You There (jazz fusion)
  
• Candescent AD - Dissociation in Three Fractions (post-hardcore)
  
• Carpenter Brut - Leather Terror (darkwave)
  
• Chainsaw for Birthday - Hell Is Empty (post-rock)
  
• Chienvoler - SVP me contacter si vous connaissez la personne qui a perdu un CD identifié « MUSIC-19 Feb 2022 Master » dans le lecteur du Communauto/Flex 2951 à Montréal le 31 mars 2022 (experimental rock)
  
• Choke Me - Death like a Sunset (grindcore)
  
• Cordâme - Ravel inspirations (classical, jazz)
  
• Cratophane - Cratophane (avant-prog)
  
• Crom-Tech - Gravity (jazzcore)
  
• Design Flaw - Beasts of a Future Decay (post-hardcore)
  
• Dirty Shirt - Get Your Dose Now! (folk metal)
  
• DJ Travella - Mr Mixondo (experimental EDM)
  
• Dustin Laurenzi's Natural Language - Seamless Architectures (modern jazz)
  
• Ekkaia - Las hogeras arden cada vez con más fuerza (blackened hardcore)
  
• Eunoia - Psyop of the Year (post-hardcore)
  
• Fire Bush - The Kids, the kids (math rock, post-rock)
  
• Fire-Toolz - I Can't Die as Well (metal vapour)
  
• Forests - Get In Losers, We’re Going to Eternal Damnation (math rock)
  
• Gazelle Twin - The Wastelands (experimental pop)
  
• God's America, Fed Ash, Beggin' for Oxys, and Reeking Cross - Four-Way Split (grindcore)
  
• Gold - This Shame Should Not Be Mine (darkwave, post-rock)
  
• Golgothan Remains - Adorned in Ruin (death metal)
  
• Hikes & Into It. Over It - Reciprocity (math rock) Read our review.
  
• Homeskin - Each Day Orbital (avant-garde black metal)
  
• Homeskin - Old Smeuse (blackened grindcore)
  
• Hyalophagia - The Luminous Apex (technical death metal)
  
• If It Kills You - Invisible Self (post-rock)
  
• Islander - It’s Not Easy Being Human (nu-metal)
  
• José Lencastre's Common Ground - Common Ground (free jazz)
  
• Kheth Astron - Portable Braingate (ambient electro)
  
• King Garbage - Heavy Metal Greasy Love (R&B, soul)
  
• Kokko Quartet - Broken Dream (modern jazz)
  
• La Société des timides à la parade des oiseaux - Romanciel (avant-prog)
  
• LDSN - Not-Knowing Feast (musique concrète)
  
• Le Collège d'ingénierie à l'œil - Partie 1 (psychedelic folk)
  
• Lemat - Ensemble of Organic Amazements, Volume Ⅱ (psychedelic rock)
  
• Limbo God - Closure (progressive rock, folk)
  
• Mattergy - Primordial Wrath (progressive metal)
  
• Meshuggah - Immutable (progressive metal)
  
• Michael Larocca - Ideal Laundromat (free improvisation)
  
• Moonsüün - Recovering (free improvisation)
  
• Niechęć - Unsubscribe (jazz fusion)
  
• OK Wait - Well (post-rock)
  
• Ouranos - Voir la lumière (atmospheric black metal)
  
• Pattern-Seeking Animals - Only Passing Through (progressive rock)
  
• Phase Duo - Generative Glimpse (experimental electro)
  
• Pipia - Bang (experimental rock)
  
• Psychic Graveyard & USA Nails - Split (experimental rock)
  
• Pup - The Unraveling of Pup the Band (indie punk)
  
• Rob Clearfield & Quin Kirchner - Concentric Orbits (modern jazz)
  
• Rob Ford Explorer - Two Songs (math rock)
  
• Saklas - The One Who Swallowed God (avant-garde black metal)
  
• Sarcastic Burn Victim & Suppression - Split (jazzgrind)
  
• Şatellites - Şatellites (psychedelic folk)
  
• Simon Nabatov Octet - A Few Incidences (avant-garde jazz)
  
• Slant of Light - Slant of Light (indie rock)
  
• Summer Birds - Edges Mixtape (post-rock)
  
• Sunrise and Ammunition - Triangulum (psychedelic rock)
  
• Talsur - Dark (atmospheric doom metal)
  
• Thebes - Ziggurat beyond the Unseen Shroud (atmospheric black metal)
  
• Tranzat - Ouh là là (progressive metal)
  
• Two Minutes to Late Night - Covers, Volume 11 (heavy metal)
  
• Ultha - All that Has Never Been True (atmospheric black metal)
  
• Waxwolf - Our Love (progressive death metal)
  
• Windrunner - Tan (progressive metalcore)
  
• ベコー (Bekō / Becko) - 一人ではない (Hitoride wanai / You Are Not Alone) (trap metal)
  
• 吉田達也と武田理沙 (Yoshida Tatsuya to Takeda Risa) - M DTK NIA (free improvisation)
  
• 吉田達也と武田理沙 (Yoshida Tatsuya to Takeda Risa) - Nazabukha (free improvisation)
  
• 吉田達也と武田理沙 (Yoshida Tatsuya to Takeda Risa) - Syndebuk (free improvisation)
  
• 山口浩一と小埜涼子 (Yamaguchi Kōichi to Ono Ryōko) - New Duo, Series 028 (free improvisation)
  
• 武田理沙 (Takeda Risa) - 魔術師の城 (Majutsu-shi no shiro / The Sorcerer's Castle) (ambient electro)
  
• 神吉 (Kami kitchi) - Discover Japon 2022 (avant-prog)
  

Lothli woke up bright and early this Saturday, as always. Then, with a yawn, she checked her phone: April 1st.
Was there something important happening today? I don’t quite remember…
Her thoughts were quickly swept away by the mundanity of her morning routine. Pulling on clothes, brushing her teeth, doing her hair…
And so, she was entirely caught off guard when she arrived in the kitchen.
Her twin sister cackled like a madwoman, stirring a gigantic cauldron smelling burnt iron, cotton candy, and writer’s tears.
“Maishul, what exactly have you done?” Lothli sighed, ambling over to the bubbling cauldron.
“This? Oh, just a little April Fool’s prank!” the other twin giggled before pulling out a miniature figurine of a strange humanoid insect. With a snap of her fingers, the statuette grew to full size, glancing around warily.
“Oh goodness! What’s going on here?” the moth woman exclaimed, seeming more confused than frightened. “What kind of insect are you? I’ve never seen anyone with just four limbs like you two!”
Lothli turned to Maishul, a frown on her face. “Is this Minerva? Did you STEAL her? We’re going to get banned, you know.”
The other twin continued cackling, heedless of Lothli’s wrath. “No, no, I got permission! Look!”
Indeed, the paper Maishul pulled out did have the signatures of one, two… how many authors?!
“Maishul, what the heck have you done?” Lothli huffed. “This is— how do we—”
“Excuse me, but I believe I may be lost?” Minerva asked, her wings fluttering nervously. “While I would love to ask the two of you some questions, I need to return to my lab, if you could point me in the right direction?”
“Oh, I apologize, Dr. Minerva. You’re currently experiencing a dream. Please do forget about this,” Lothli sighed before snapping her fingers and reverting the insectoid woman to her figurine form.
“How exactly are we going to explain this to Polaris?” Lothli deadpanned with her gaze on her happy-go-lucky sibling.
“Oh, I have a good ‘ol industrial barrel of Remove-Yo-Memory. I’m sure it’ll turn out fine!” Maishul grinned back. “Look, look! Let me show you what wonderful scenes I’ve cooked up for everyone!”
Scene One: Art’s Very Bad, No Good Day
I was not having a good day. First, I was thrown into yet another random plane of existence. Dimension hopping was something I wanted to experience no more than one time in my life; thank you very much. And yet, here I was. In yet another random plane of existence with absolutely no say.
“Iklem.”
Second all, I found myself surrounded by these strange creatures. Four legs, shimmering black pelt, bizarre snake-like neck, flat head, creepy singular eye, and that weirdly human voice. Definitely not a fan.
“Iklem.”
The three Iklems crept—
Ahem. The plural of Iklem is Iklemli, Art.
And thirdly, that obnoxious voice ringing out in my head. Who was that? Why were they in my head? And why could they read my thoughts?
Fine. The three Iklemli crept closer and closer, predatory intent clear. I backed away slowly before my phone suddenly burst out with the cheery tune of Weird Al singing, “Just eat it (eat it), eat it (eat it)...”
“I’m in the mother of all situations here, Demoness, and you choose a freaking parody song? Can you at least tell me what the hell is happening here?” I snarled into my phone’s mic, watching the approaching monsters closely.
“M’dear, I hate to say it, but I have no clue what’s happening.” The slight strain in the Demoness’s usually sultry voice gave me pause. That Demoness? Confused? I really was in some deep shit, wasn’t I?
“Could you at least tell me what an Iklem is?” I said, imitating those creatures as best I could.
“My love, how do I explain this? As best as I could tell, at least five foreign dimensions have been forced together into one singular mess. And whoever did it had no grace or finesse at all.”
Tell the Demoness that she has no grace or finesse, either! Hmph!
Rolling my eyes, I communicated the feelings of my new head neighbor to the Demoness.
“Well, dear, tell your new friend that they should consider undoing this fiasco,” the Demoness replied with a sigh. “Whatever the case is, those Iklemli you mentioned are from one of those other dimensions. I can’t tell you a thing about them.”
With that good news, I turned back to the advancing beasts. This was going to be a fun one…
“Maishul, you can’t just break the fourth wall and shove your thoughts into the scene,” Lothli huffed, shaking her head.
“Pfffft!” Maishul blew a raspberry before turning back to her abomination of a cauldron.
“Also, you can’t just swap to first-person narration. We’re in third-person narration.”
“Well, Matt writes in first-person. And I respect our fellow author’s intent; thank you very much!”
Lothli raised an eyebrow in response before pointing to the bubbling cauldron of doom. “You call THAT respecting our fellow authors’ intents?”
“They gave permission!” Maishul pouted before turning back to her inglorious creation. “And you won’t complain once you see my next glorious scene!”
Scene Two: Sloth Squared
Pride’s scowl only grew deeper as he dragged his erstwhile companion along. The swampland around them had warped into a blooming forest, with trees looming large overhead. The various fully intact buildings were most concerning, indicating that the pair had passed into a rift.
“Sloth, GET UP!” he hissed, shaking the lazy layabout.
“Huh? Wuzzit? I’m sleepin…” Sloth snored, already back asleep.
“We’ve got a MAJOR problem here. Pretty sure a rift opened around us, so stay on guard!”
Sloth blearily stumbled to his feet before glancing wide-eyed at his surroundings.
“Holy cow, you’re right! I didn’t even notice. But, man, Pride, I’m so tired… I…” Sloth stumbled a bit further before faceplanting directly into a bed of flowers.
“Dammit, Sloth. This is ridiculous, even for your standards.” Pride leaned down to pick Sloth back up, but something strange was afoot. As soon as he leaned down, an overwhelming surge of exhaustion passed through him as well, and he collapsed on top of his companion.
“Dude, you’re sleeping right on top of a good patch. Can you two move?” A voice lazily drifted into Pride’s mind before he rocketed up ramrod straight.
“Hwa— what!? Oh. A rifter.” Pride composed himself as he stared down at the man who awoke him. About five foot six, with short white hair and red eyes.
“Uh, I’m not a rifter or whatever you just called me. I’m Clear, prince of Sloth. And you?” Clear tilted his head.
“Prince… of me? Ehehe, there’s no prince of me…” Sloth murmured in his sleep.
“Typical rifter, spewing nonsense. Come on, you lazy bum. We’re gonna hide before this gets violent.” Pride turned to drag Sloth away but found his legs unwilling to move.
“Hey, man. C’mon now. You haven’t noticed you’re in a dream yet?” Clear said, his hand extended. “Let’s just talk, alright?”
Pride struggled for a few more moments, then back at Clear. “Alright, alright, never seen a rifter do that before. Calm down, yeah? I’ll chat until this rift collapses.”
“So please, introduce yourself properly this time,” Clear responded, freeing Pride with a flick of his hand.
“Right. I’m Pride, that’s Sloth.” Pride pointed at himself, then at his companion. “Can we go?” “No. Please explain what you are doing here and those wings on your back.” Clear yawned. “Also, don’t use our nation’s name as a moniker. It’s probably disrespectful… or something. Eh, we don’t actually care that much.”
“Huh? We’re here because your stupid rift pulled us in,” Pride hissed. “And these wings? We were born with ’em. No story here. Also, pretty sure we were the ones who had those names first.”
“Eh, the kingdom of Pride wouldn’t be very happy to hear about that,” Clear responded. “But whatever, man. Things have been rather chill ever since a random blob named Sparky fell on top of the Demon King and ate him or whatever. So enjoy the nap, I guess. Mind if I join in?”
Pride rolled his eyes before scooting over to allow Clear access to the flowers. Before long, Sloth and Clear were snuggled up together, much to the chagrin of Pride.
“What the hell am I supposed to do now?”
“Aren’t they just the cutest?!” Maishul exclaimed. “We should make that our newest OTP. I bet Haru would approve.”
“Please don’t ship characters across two different SerSuns,” Lothli replied with a shake of her head. “Also what was that about Sparky eating the Demon King—”
“OKAYNEXTSCENE!!”
Scene Three: Machines, Demons, and The World Tree
There was a rather strange rash of oddly dressed folk in Lugavya lately. Or rather, just odd folk in general.
Rumors flew of a human with bird wings who passed over the town, carried through hurried whispers between the residents. A strange man with fierce red eyes insisting on making ‘deals,’ much to the annoyance of passersby trying to get through their day.
Lena and Veska had met to investigate, unable to keep themselves still while such strange events abounded. No sooner had the two exchanged greetings did two strange men approach, flagrantly discarding any sensibilities on their right to free speech.
“Hello!” the younger one called out before getting his head gently bonked by the older.
“W-what was it? Oh! The greeting we use should have been ‘well met,’ right?” the teenage boy puzzled himself, rubbing his head.
“No. Firstly, as foreign visitors, we do not use that greeting. Secondly, we do not greet them. They greet us,” the older whispered, turning his eyes to Lena and Veska. It seemed at least one of them remembered their manners.
“Peace, strangers. We will not begrudge you for your transgressions. Tell me, what business have you with us?” Lena began.
“We are looking for directions. We have lost our way. Please, would you tell us our current location? Latitude and longitude are preferred, but any notable landmarks will do.” The older man bowed slightly, with the younger following shortly after.
Latitude? Longitude? These words were unfamiliar to Lena and Veska.
“This is Lugavya. Home to Alvedos, the World Tree?” Veska explained, an eyebrow raised. Were these folks raised under a rock or something?
The two men conversed among themselves, their frowns deepening.
“Apologies, but I am unaware of Lugavya. Could you perhaps point us in the direction of the United States?” the older asked, tilting his head slightly.
“Oh, and if you know of any demons, could you put in a word for me? I can’t figure out the ritual to get home without one of them…” the younger added.
The United States? Demons? More unfamiliar terms. Lena and Veska knew these newcomers were oddballs, but this was a bit much.
“I’m sorry—really! But we simply don’t have the knowledge to help the two of you. Perhaps you could head to the Foresters? I’ll give you their location.” Lena rattled off directions to the nearby Foresters’ hall.
“Thank you very much.” The older man stalked off after a stiff bow, and the younger man quickly followed.
“Sticks and stones, what is the world coming to?”
“Was that Megan’s SerSun? All that intricately balanced worldbuilding, and you just shoved random crap in.” Lothli barely held back a sigh. “Also, you didn’t even introduce those two characters. How are our readers supposed to know who they are?”
“This is left as an exercise to the reader,” Maishul tittered into the camera before returning to the glorious mess in her cauldron.
“Next scene!”
Scene Four: The One With No Chill
There wasn’t much that could faze a Huntress.
It was often said that their wills were unshakable. Nothing could cause them to stop them from single-mindedly accomplishing their goal. And yet, Olivia stood dead in her tracks, staring at the abomination across the Dam square.
“I AM OLIVIA. DARK HUNTRESS. SMASHER OF SQUEAKERS. AND THE ONE WITH NO CHILL,” the awful creature that vaguely resembled Olivia boomed.
“That young lass a friend of yours?” Barlow remarked, barely holding back a chuckle.
“Nope.” Olivia chucked one of her daggers at the offending sight, but she deflected the blade with a ripple of its musculature.
“You are weak. You have no strength. Witness me, false Olivia.” The muscle monster took up a ridiculous pose, her muscles overtly flexing.
“I will destroy you. And after that, I will destroy your creator. And I’ll salt your entire bloodline, while I’m at it,” Olivia snarled.
“I would like to see you try, false Olivia. Last time, I was overcome by the power of the Deus Ex Machina. But this time, I will not be struck down.” The monster took a step forward, the cobblestones cracking under her feet.
Olivia flinched. A Huntress does not feel fear. A Huntress does not back down. Yet… in the face of this horrible being… Her mind recalled the near-death experience she had with the Beast. Did she really want to face that again?
She shook her head, clearing it. No. She would finish this. Olivia raced at the mocking facsimile of herself, her onyx daggers at the ready. As she drew closer, she summoned every ounce of strength and struck.
As Olivia flew through the air, the world seemed to slow down.
Ah… this feels… familiar…
“‘Admittedly, Huntress, you are quite the entertainer—”
“No!” Lothli slapped the figurines out of Maishul’s hands, sinking them into the dreadful mire of the cauldron below. “You can’t reuse that line for the third time!”
“But you used it, Lothli. That’s hypocritical!” Maishul harrumphed.
“Yes, because it was the first time we used it. You can’t just reuse jokes like that!” Lothli glared. “And don’t think I forgot about that comment Clear made about Sparky. What. Exactly. Did you do?”
“Uhm, uhh…” Maishul stuttered. “W-Well, I maybe kinda spilled some my Story-Breaking-Plot-Devices into the cauldron on accident…”
“Your WHATS?!” Lothli stared at her twin in disbelief.
“Uhh, it wasn’t a big deal or anything. Just, uh... Scarlet, the Demon King, Sparky, Wan, Pre-Geas Dread Lord Ardus, the plague from , the Deus Ex Machina, the Beast, and the entirety of the United States’ arsenal of nuclear weaponry.”
Lothli shook her head with a sigh. “I’m pretty sure you caused mass human extinction at least three times over.”
“Well! No time to worry about it! Next scene!”
Scene Five: Bea and Ophelia Discover The Wonders of Nuclear Physics
Bea and Ophelia stared at the booklet that had just materialized before them. “Maishul’s Simple Guide to Stealing and Utilizing the Entirety of the United States’ Arsenal of Nuclear Weaponry: For Dummies!” The booklet was decorated with garish stickers of rainbows and glitter, along with cartoonish mushroom clouds.
With a glance at Ophelia, Bea picked up the book. Immediately, her mind was flooded with images and knowledge. Where exactly every nuclear silo in the United States was located. The launch codes and how to bypass the two-key rule. The birth and loving families of each and every nuclear warhead…?
“Bea? Dear? Are you alright?” Ophelia shook Bea gently, concerned. Bea wordlessly handed over the booklet and watched the same information flow through her. The two shared a meaningful glance before turning the manual over. A bright red button sat there, glowing ominously amongst the childish stickers and drawings of shocked faces.
“This is absolutely too dangerous to be left just lying around,” Bea murmured, staring at the booklet intently. Maybe it was a prank some lesser fae put together to induce some concerning but ultimately harmless illusions. But deep down, the two knew this was far more sinister than a simple prank. Plus, there was no fae named “Maishul” that either of them knew of.
“I’m going to have to seal this thing away with the strongest magic I have,” Ophelia declared. With a wave of her hand, ethereal chains weaved around the book. Magical seals whirled through the air, all concentrated on the offending manual. The horrors of nuclear annihilation have been contained with a final clap of her hands.
For around five seconds. Immediately after the ritual was complete, as if to spite Ophelia’s work, a glowing sword descended from the heavens, slicing through the glowing chains and seals like butter. The two barely managed to glimpse the name written on the side: “The Deus Ex Machina,” before the blade landed squarely on the big red button with a satisfying click!
“Shit.”
“So what exactly were you saying about ‘not worrying about it’?” Lothli shook her head in dismay. “How are we going to explain this mess to their poor, poor writers? What are we going to say to Bay?”
“It’ll be fine! I’m not breaking any of the rules on shortstories, which means I totally can’t be banned!” Maishul quipped cheerily.
“That is 100% not how it works.” Lothli crossed her arms. “Don’t drag me down with you.”
“I dunno! You’ll bail me out, right?” Maishul shrugged before returning to her appalling project. “Next scene!”
Scene Six: Sanguia Loses a Fight
These were the end times. The world felt… sideways. The government was in shambles. A plague that turned people into fine, yellow dust had apparently appeared, sweeping the continent from east to west. Yet, there was nothing I could do. Right in front of me, I had my own foes to contend with on the roof of Holos Lucidium.
On my right was a shapeless mass, writhing and transforming, throwing vicious barbs my way. It never introduced itself, but I knew its name from within myself: the Beast.
On my left was a much more innocent figure, at least on the surface. He had slicked-back black hair, brown eyes simmering with self-assured pride, and an easy smirk. And to cap it off, he introduced himself promptly and with great gusto; he was Dread Lord Ardus.
I could attempt to flee, but what purpose would that serve? Even if I got away, which my gut told me was highly unlikely, I would be abandoning my guild to die to these two monsters. So no. I stood my ground here.
“Sanguia. Member of Holos Lucidium.” I balanced my stance between my two flanks, watching both. With a smirk from Ardus and a ripple from the Beast, the fight began.
I quickly discarded the idea of even fighting the rippling mass on my right. It had no blood I could control, and impacting it with my blade would make me stuck. But the Dread Lord was no slouch, either.
As I rushed at Ardus, a tingle in my spine screamed at me to duck. I tucked into a combat roll as a great blast of flame roared right where I used to be.
“Fiesty, aren’t you? Well, that’s what makes it fun,” the Dread Lord growled, licking his lips.
I had no time to respond as a raging, shimmering bull attempted to ram its gleaming horns directly through me. I sprung off the ground, landing just behind the writhing bull. There was no time to go on the offensive; it took all I could to stay alive.
“Stop struggling, Interloper,” the Beast snarled. “I have plans I have to attend to. Plans that do not involve you.”
I kept the undulating mass between myself and my second opponent. My only hope was to promote crossfire. The dagger I held in my right hand felt woefully inadequate for this task.
“You heard the fella. I’ll end this, here and now.” Ardus thrust his hand straight up into the air as if grasping something far above him.
“Dread Lord. May I take this as a sign of betrayal?” The Beast rumbled, a dangerous edge to its voice.
“Nah, I never said I was working with you. You’re too… icky for my tastes.” The Dread Lord tapped his chin thoughtfully. “It’s a good thing you’ll be obliterated in an instant. Ta ta!”
I looked up with a heavy heart, knowing how outclassed I was. There was barely time to say goodbye before a massive ball of light enveloped me in its all-consuming shine. The last thing I managed to think was:
That was an utterly unfair fight.
“Well, the protagonist of our SerSun just died. What now?” Lothli looked at the cauldron in dismay.
“Hey, it’s not so bad! Scarlet is still alive, right?” Maishul dug around in the cauldron before pulling out yet another distended scene. “Look! Here she is!”
“What… is that?” Lothli looked at the scene with equal parts awe and disgust.
“Oh! Well, I really liked Fye’s SerSun, so I made my own! Isn’t it great?”
“Maishul, I think you missed the entire point of his SerSun. Where’s the inter-character drama? Where’s the mystery? Where’s the actual HISTORY?” Lothli poked the off-kilter scene with distaste. “This version of the story is just <Murder.>.”
“Well too bad, dear ‘ol sis! Here! We! Go!”
Scene Seven: Murder Without the History
Hi, I’m Benedict Lushon, Ben for short. Somehow, I think I just unlocked the secret to teleportation. I stand in the middle of the mansion’s dining room, feeling my stomach turn violently. One moment, I was chained in front of a cackling Kyle, and the next thing I know, we’re back in this blasted room. I crane my head, checking who else is here.
Teddy, check. His monocle and top hat are still crooked as he looks around the room, just as confused as I.
Cornell, check. Unfortunately, he still seems to be out cold.
Kyle, check. Wait—
I stride up to Kyle and grab onto his lapels. “What exactly have you done?” I say, shaking him back and forth.
Unfortunately, he seems even more confused by the current events than I am, judging by the bulging eyes and frothing at the mouth.
“W-What exactly happened here!? We were just— and then—” my former coworker manages to sputter out before a booming feminine voice rings out from the walls.
“Heya! What’s up, characters! It’s me, ya girl Maishul, back at it again with another fun murdery twist!” The cheery voice that booms out from the walls contrasts with all the horrors we’ve seen thus far. Also, who talks like this? Did we get kidnapped by one of those Instagram influencers? Ugh, I hate those kinds of people.
“Who are you?! What have you done?!” Kyle screams, his voice cracking. “I have waited YEARS to take my revenge on these fools, and you—”
“Oh. You.” The voice seems displeased at the interruption. “Sorry, I didn’t think your Tuffy plotline was interesting, so I retconned it!”
Now, that was the mark of a bad writer. As a future multi-bestselling author, I know that one of the most sinful things a writer can do is randomly retcon the story. I’m confident this random influencer girl will never go anywhere in her writing career.
“YOU! We were known as the Tufforo family, and we—” Kyle rages before being cut off by the voice again.
“Sorry, don’t care.” A piece of duct tape manifests itself directly onto Kyle’s mouth. I would find it funny if it didn’t demonstrate how supernatural this influencer’s power seems.
“Anyways! Here’s the rules. I’m not really good at that being cryptic thing, so it’ll be easy!” the voice announces with glee. “Here’s my super special sparkly OC, do not steal, known as Scarlet, Scourge of the Americas. She’ll try and chase you down! She wins when you’re all dead. You all win when, I don’t know, she dies of old age or something. You can try to kill her; it won’t work!”
‘Super special sparkly OC, do not steal?’ So, what, did I find myself in some hellish parody of Earth? That must be it. This must all be a very terrible dream. I sincerely hope that none of my readers would ever consider making fanfiction like this of my stories.
“By jove, those rules seem downright unfair!” Teddy finally seems to have found his voice. “Please, good madam, could you let us go? We have already suffered at the hands of that accursed man—”
“Lalala, can’t hear you!” the girl’s voice sang out. “Here she comes! Give it up for… Scarlet!”
A hidden panel drops a… rather regular-looking young woman onto the floor. Why, if I were in charge, I would have ensured that my villain would have a spectacular appearance. Someone as fascinating and spellbinding as Jack the Ripper—
Scarlet dashes at Kyle and [REDACTED]
… … Technical Difficulties
“MAISHUL! What the hell was that?! Is that how you talk when I’m not around? And what the hell was that last section?” Lothli furiously slapped the tortured scene back into the accursed project bubbling menacingly below.
“Well, Scarlet’s kinda messy, so I tried to cover it up,” Maishul pouted. “Also, I was just trying to liven up the scene a bit! Kyle’s so BORING. He speaks in RIDDLES and they make my brain HURT.”
“That’s because you don’t have a single brain cell in that head of yours,” Lothli huffed. “Don’t make such sweeping changes to people’s stories!”
“Well… dear sis, could I trouble you for a favor, since I’m so head empty ‘n all?” Maishul smiled her widest, most brilliant smile.
“What.” The other twin glared back, unimpressed.
“Well, if you don’t want the two of us to get banned, can you help me separate these stories back out? Please?” With a fluttering of her eyelashes and a winsome wink, this would undoubtedly win her sister to her side—
“Deal with it yourself. I’m going to hand out apologies.” Lothli had no sympathy for her twin’s plight.
“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!” Maishul cried. For now, she was burdened with her least favorite task; actual work.
And thus, this tale comes to a close. Nevertheless, its name will ring true throughout the land as the legendary fable known only as “In the Shadow of Machines, Scarlet, and the In Between Geas and the Beginning of the Demon Murder History: Dissonance, also How Did We Get Here?”
Thank you very much for your time. And apologies for my sister.
Lothli, signing off.
Credits: Maishul, Lothli, FTF!Olivia, and the Deus Ex Machina, from u/Lothli’s FTF Serial, Minerva and the plague, from u/PolarisStorm’s Art, Demoness Virtua, Sparky, and Dread Lord Ardus from u/mattswritingaccount’s Iklemli, Lena, and Veska from u/MeganBessel’s Pride and Sloth from u/Helicopterdrifter’s Clear and Alex from u/Carrieka23’s Talix, Sanguia, and Scarlet from u/Lothli’s Olivia, Barlow, and the Beast from u/Not_theScrumPolice’s Wan, Bea, and Ophelia from u/ZachtheLitchKing’s Ben, Theodore, Cornell, and Kyle from u/FyeNite’s The Entirety of the United States Arsenal of Nuclear Weaponry from the United States.
Special thanks to u/OldBayJ, which this fantastic feature would be impossible without.

Willow, the Forest Florist

Hello, it's maGeDNA here! I'd like to introduce you to Willow, the Forest Florist. This champion went through many iterations before I got here as you may have noticed she is similar to Sequoia, The God-Willow's Woeful Caretaker, a champ I had made prior. I put a lot of thought into Willow's design, theme-wise and ability-wise. I want to thank u/theheraId u/renegadepony and u/FallenDemonX for their thoughtful opinions, guidance, and support. You guys keep inspiring me to pursue design!
Classes: Enchanter
Roles: Support
Region: Ionia, Omikayalan Forest
Species: God-Willow Sapling
Damage Type: Magic

Champion Appearance:

In her sapling form she is an elegant child, with a wood-nymph-esque body with bark-like skin wearing a green and gold summer dress. When she achieves her budding form she grows taller and the bud on her head becomes golden. When she blooms, she looks like a beautiful woman, wearing a green and gold dress with a large golden God-Willow Flower on her head.

Similar to this but with bark like skin and a large golden flower on her head.
Image for visualization (I don't own this image!):
https://images.app.goo.gl/rGgFSdE7YwvgAEze9

Champion Lore:

Willow’s life began once her mother was killed. The God-Willow of the Omikayalan Forest, known as the Heart of the World, was killed having been chopped down by a cruel man by the name of Ivern. In a last ditch effort the God-Willow, had bundled its life energy into 2 seeds. 1 seed was thrown towards the murderer in an effort to cleanse his evil so that he would not continue to harm the rest of the Forest. He had been chosen to be the Forest’s caretaker. The second Seed was cast high into the sky, dated to be carried by the wind who knows where. The God-Willow’s had hoped its child could have a different fate than herself. The child would be free to roam the world instead of being stuck to one place. A life outside the forest would be hard, but if the child survived, they would bloom into an immaculate God-Willow able to endure anything.

Months Later…

A tall, beautiful, lightly tanned woman wearing red and gold armor was laying down next to a slender, pale-skinned woman. The slender woman was wearing a simple black robe with turquoise and silver pattern. She was staring at the tanned woman while the tanned woman looked in awe towards the sunrise.
“How beautiful that the sun always rises…”, the tanned woman said.
“Lee…I don’t know what you see in the Sun…it just hurts my eyes…” the pale woman said in response, rubbing her eyes.
Leona turned her head to face the pale-skinned woman.
“Dee…you just don’t understand…”, Leona said, grabbing her hand and looking into her white eyes. Diana stared back intently at Leona’s glowing brown eyes, almost like she was finally seeing the beauty of the Sun.
“You don’t have the Solari’s eyes…you wouldn’t understand,” said Leona, her auburn hair tangling with Diana’s white hair. “You couldn’t. And you shouldn’t be looking at the sun anyways, you’ll hurt your eyes even more.”
“Meh. I don’t care about my eyes, Lee, you know I don’t. I just want to understand your obsession. I would understand if it was the moon. But the sun? Come on…at this rate you’ll be chosen to be the next aspect host…leaving me here alone on this mountain”, Diana said looking away, laying down on her back with her hands on the back of her head.
“Dee…I wouldn’t leave you even if I did become the host…I’d still remember you…”, Lee said, but Diana could hear Leona’s uncertainty in her voice.
“Yea right. The moment you become the host for the Solari, I’m offering my body to the Lunari in a heartbeat…I wouldn’t be able to live.”
Leona smiled, “You know…moonlight…moonlight is sunlight…these wars are stupid…let’s just enjoy our time together.” She laid down next to Diana and they sat in silence feeling the wind against their face for what seemed like hours.
Smack! Something fell on Diana’s face. She sat up and grabbed what felt like a rock in her hand. It was a seed.
Leona sat up. “What is it?”
“Here. You can have it. Looks like a seed of some sort…wake me up when the new moon rises”, Diana said going back to sleep.
Leona held the seed in her palm tightly vowing to keep her promise. She kept the seed in her pocket. She was the next host, she knew it. She just hoped she would remember Diana after the ritual…

Years Later…

The Aspect of the Sun, Leona was fighting a terrible battle involving the Lunari atop Mount Targon. She stared at the Pale-skinned woman dashing across the mountaintop slaying her brethren. Leona was about to support them in battle, about to stun this woman, when she winced from pain. The necklace she had made many years ago, with a large seed as the pendant, was burning her neck and chest.
Leona instinctively grabbed her necklace, She kept thinking about this Pale-skinned woman. Diana…was her name Diana, that didn’t seem right. She looked so familiar…her white hair…her white eyes. As if looking at the craters of a full moon. Leona’s head hurt as if she was fighting back another soul.
Something had clicked. She remembered. It was the host’s memories forcing its way up into Leona’s mind. Not now, not when the Solari were in danger. They needed Her help. Leona struggled to keep balance, she had fallen to the ground clenching the Seed with her hands. She released a burst of sunlight in pain, a solar flare burst forward blasting her armour and necklace off of her. She collapsed on the ground. But everyone on the battlefield didn’t look towards Leona, instead they looked at the glowing bright seed in the grassy terrain.
The seed had broken off from the necklace glowing with a golden light. It was pulsing so bright the warriors could not tell if it was day or night…
A crack. A green tree shoot had burst forward from the seed quickly. When the golden light had stopped pulsing, a child was standing in the seed’s location.
The child was smiling, and looked like a cross between a girl and a tree. She had skin that looked like tree bark but was wearing a elegant dress made of green leaves. She had a golden head where it looked like a golden flower could bloom.
“W-where am I? W-who am I? W-why am I here?”
Leona stood back up. But this was not the same Leona anymore. The host had won the battle against the Aspect.
Leona had returned back to her body.
Leona looked at the child. She thought she was beautiful. A miracle. For such a child to be born in the midst of war…this must be fate.
Leona turned to face the Solari, “we are retreating! Everyone stand down, now!” Leona said with as much bravery she could muster. The Solari acknowledged her and did just that, marching down the Mountain.
“Coward!!” Diana yelled, raising and shaking her Khopesh in anger.
Leona felt tears fall down her face. She turned to face Diana.
“Dee…you just don’t understand…” Diana spoke softly, looking into Diana’s white eyes, “ You couldn’t understand…”, Leona clenched her eyelids, tears continuing to fall, “and stop looking at me with those eyes…you’re just going to hurt me even more…”
Leona turned around, accepting her fate, her eyes still closed. She opened her eyes with resolve. She ran towards the Sapling Child and grabbed her into her arms ignoring all protests. But to her surprise the child just giggled. Leona kept running, as far away as she could from this stranger in Dee’s body.
She could hear the impostor-Diana’s screams of anger as she ran down Mount Targon.
She looked at the Sapling child and her wide smile.
Leona smiled back, the widest, happiest smile of her life.
“She really did offer herself after losing me…” she told the child, “she loved me…”
The child smiled back then laughed an innocent, pure laugh.
“What a will you have, child…to laugh in the middle of war…I think I have the perfect name for you…”

1 Decade Later…

Leona had become accustomed to a life away from battle and the Solari. She was a mother now and she had raised her Sapling-Child with love.
“Mom! Mom! Mom! Why won’t I grow!! Everyone else in school is taller than me!!” Said the sapling-child throwing her wooden sword to the ground.
“Willow…”, Leona said, picking up the wooden sword, “everyone grows differently in their own way, at their own speed. I grew tall, but Yordles grow small.”
“But! But! But! I’m not a Yordle! I don’t know what I am! My friends at school keep calling me Maokai and swors ‘cause I’m no different than that stupid wooden sword you're holding…”
Leona knew it was time to tell her. She kneeled down till she was eye-level with Willow, looking into Willow’s white eyes. Leona smiled.
“You are different from your friends. That’s all. Nothing more, nothing less, my child. They are fools for not accepting you for the bundle of joy you are. But you are right…you are not like them. In fact…”, Leona hesitated but pushed forward “you are even different from me. I am a Solari. And you…you are a miracle.”
“I-I’m different from you?” Willow said, confused.
Leona nodded, smiling.
“But you’re my mom.”
Leona nodded again, “I am, and I couldn’t be happier,” Leona kissed Willow on her head and hugged her. Sunlight and warmth filled the air and the golden part of Willow’s head began to change. She was budding. A golden bud had emerged on top of Willow’s head and began to glow a warm light similar to Leona’s eyes. Leona was amazed. She also confirmed her own theory of Willow’s origins.
“W-what’s happening!??”
“Relax child,” Leona smiled assuringly, “This is normal. I told you. Everyone grows differently, in their own way, at their own speed. Look,” Leona pointed at the mirror behind Willow.
The bud on Willow’s head was large and golden and sunlight was shining from within. The bud itself was half of Willow’s height.
“Whoaaa!! I’m so tall now!!” Willow touched the bud in her head with her hands, making sure it was real. Then she turned to her mother and hugged her.
“You were right mom! Everyone grows differently, in their own way, at their own speed! Even me!” She turned and faced the mirror once again. Leona met eyes with Willow in the mirror’s reflection.
“Mom! I’m gonna keep growing! Then I can protect you and even that white-haired woman you have a picture of! I’ll stop the wars between the Lunari and Solari! I promise! Just give me some time! I swear I’ll grow up to become strong! I’ll grow up fast! I promise.”
Leona began crying. “I know you will. You will become so strong…you already are. Just promise me you won’t grow up too fast…”
“Mmmm…okay…”
The mother and daughter hugged once more, filling the small home with warm sunlight, once more.

Base Stats:

• Health: 600 - 2050
• Health Regen: 6 - 16
• Mana: 350 - 1300
• Mana Regen: 11 - 22
• Armor: 29 - 112
• Magic Resistance: 30 - 52
• Attack Damage: 55 - 92
• Movement Speed: 330
• Range: 550
• Attack Speed: 0.625
• Attack Speed Bonus: 0 - 40%
• Attack Wind Up: 18%

Intended Strengths:

• Lane priority and zone control.
• Rewarding hard work and teamwork to heal, shield, and buff allies.

Intended Weaknesses:

• Kit relies heavily on bloomed brushes and Willow Fruit. She loses the majority of her utility when she cannot maintain her garden.
• Immobile.
• Willow’s damage is applied via allies. Almost 0 damage when she is by herself.

Intended Keystones:

• Guardian/ Summon Aery

Intended Core Items:

• Moonstone Renewe Shurelya’s blessing
• Vigilant wardstone

Passive: Willow’s Willing Will!

“Mmmm!! Willow-Fruit is so yummy!! More, more, more!!”

Willow starts the game in her Sapling form. Willow gains a stack of Growth whenever she consumes a Willow Fruit. Willow buds at 10 Growth Stacks and blooms at 20 Growth stacks. After achieving her blossomed form, Willow bears God-Willow Fruit every 10 Growth stacks thereafter, instantly consuming it to permanently increase her healing and shielding power.
Willow gains stacking permanent effects based on her achieved form:

Sapling Form:

Ghosted and gains 10/15/20/25% increased movement speed towards a visible brush within 700 units of Willow. 

Budded Form:

25/50/75/100% base mana regeneration and 25/50/75/100% base health regeneration. 

Blossomed Form:

5/10/15/20% healing and shielding power + 5% per God-Willow Fruit consumed. 

Effects scale depending on Willow’s level (1/6/11/16).
​

Basic Attack: Healing Touch!

“It’s okay…you’re just a seed right now. But don’t worry! I'll grow you into the beautiful flower I know you can be!”

Willow can basic-attack her allies to make them bloom over 2 seconds healing 80-250 (based on level) (+50% AP) health during the duration but requires the consumption of 1 Willow Fruit to do so. Basic attacking an ally again during the bloom duration does not consume Willow Fruit but accelerates growth, instantly healing them for the remainder of the heal and granting them Willow’s Sapling Form’s bonus movement speed for 1 second.

Willow’s basic attacks after achieving Blossomed Form instantly bloom her allies, healing them for the heal amount on-hit.

Willow can basic-attack an ally ward to heal its health by 1.
Willow can basic-attack an ally totem ward or control ward to make it bud, creating a Budding Ward. The Budding Ward prepares to bloom over 4 seconds. Willow can basic-attack an ally Budding Ward after this duration to make it bloom, creating a Blossomed Ward. The Blossomed Ward prepares to bear 1 Willow Fruit over 4 seconds. The Willow Fruit lasts for 8 seconds on top of the Blossomed Ward. After this duration, the Willow Fruit perishes and the Blossomed Ward reverts back to a regular Totem/ Control Ward, refreshing its health and life span, but making it unable to bud for 4 seconds.
Willow can Basic-attack the Willow Fruit to collect it (maximum 3), instantly reverting the Blossomed ward back to a regular Totem/ Control Ward, refreshing its health and life span, but making it unable to bud for 4 seconds.

Budding or blossoming a ward costs 5% of Willow’s current health. Consuming a Willow Fruit heals Willow for 10% maximum health.
Budding wards have reduced sight radius and Blossomed wards have increased sight radius*. If the blossomed ward is within a brush, the brush changes to a* Blossomed Brush while the ward is Blossomed.
When a Budding or Blossomed Ward reaches 0 health it is destroyed; Willow Fruit perishes instantly and cannot be collected.
​

Skill 1Q: Blossom Seed!/ Bloom Doom!

“Hey!! This garden is private property!! Out, out, out!!”
Passive:

Willow periodically stocks Blossom Seeds, up to a maximum of 3.

Active:

Willow places a Blossom Seed at the target location, which upon landing arms over 1 second, becomes stealthed and lasts for up to 60 Seconds.

Blossom Traps have 4 health and take 1 damage from ranged basic attacks and 2 from melee basic attacks.

Range: 300 Recharge: 20/18/16/14/12 seconds 

​

The blossom trap blooms into a Blossom Flower when an enemy champion is within range of it granting it access to cast Bloom Doom.

​

Recast: Bloom Doom!

All Blossom Flowers launch a beam of light in a line in the target direction slowing all enemies hit for 1 second.
Hit enemy champions are tethered for 4 seconds to the Blossom Flower and marked with Bloom Loom while tethered.
Targets marked with Bloom Loom have a bud appear above their Champion. Ally champions can basic-attack the marked target to deal bonus magic damage on-hit, up to 3 times. Each instance grows the bud and at 3 instances the bud blooms, empowering Willow’s next basic attack against the target to collect 1 Willow Fruit and end the tether duration early.
All tethered enemy champions that are standing within a Blossom Flower’s effect radius at the end of the tether duration are stunned for a duration.

Bloom Doom’s cooldown is reset whenever an ally champion basic-attacks an enemy marked with Bloom Loom.

Slow: 30/35/40/45/50% Magic damage on-hit: 10/15/20/25/30% of ally’s AD Stun: 1/1.25/1.5/1.75/2 seconds Effect Radius: 525 Beam Range: 525 Cooldown: 4 seconds 

​

Skill 2W: Inner Bloom!

“I seeeee youuuu!! Ahahahaha! W-Wait! Hey!! That’s my Willow Fruit!! Give that back!! It’s mine, mine, mine!!”
Passive:

Willow periodically stocks Brush Seed, up to a maximum of 2. Willow and WIllow’s allies gain sight of all Blossomed Brushes and gain bonus attack speed while within a Blossomed Brush.

Bonus attack Speed: 15/20/25/30/35% 

Active:

Willow places a brush in a target area (lasts for 60 seconds) or chooses a target brush in range to bloom into a Blossomed Brush. The Blossomed Brush bears fruit to 1 Willow Fruit after 4 seconds. The Willow fruit remains for 8 Seconds. If the Willow Fruit is not collected during the 8-second duration it will fall off and sink into the brush’s soil reverting the Blossomed Brush back into a regular brush. 8 seconds after the Willow Fruit sinks, the brush blossoms again, repeating the cycle again, indefinitely.
Enemy Champions that enter a Blossomed Brush make the petals fall off over 2 seconds reverting the Blossomed Brush back into a regular brush. If the Blossomed Brush has a Willow Fruit, it is immediately consumed by the Enemy Champion permanently, granting sight of the champion for 2 seconds thereafter.

Recharge: 30/27/24/21/18 

​

Skill 3E: Blossoms!

“Oh no, oh no, oh no!! I’m so sorry, my little Blossoms!! I promise to grow you back right away!!”
Active:

Willow targets an ally champion, shielding them.

Shield: 50/70/90/110/130 (+20% AP) 

​

If Willow has achieved her Budded Form she can charge this ability for up to 1.5 seconds, very quickly increasing effective range and can recast this ability.

Recast:

Willow summons all Blossomed Wards and Blossomed Brushes within range to instantly shed their Blossoms reverting to regular wards and brushes. Blossoms travel very quickly towards the target Ally, granting a small shield for each Blossom that reaches them.
If Willow has achieved her Blossomed Form*, each Blossom that passes through an Ally champion is also* shielded, granting them bonus movement speed for 2 seconds*. Additionally,* Blossoms that pass through enemy champions are dealt magic damage and slows them for 2 seconds*.* Blossoms’ effects can stack*. If the enemy champion is* slowed for 100% or more they are rooted for 2 seconds instead.

Shield per Blossom:10/15/20/25/30 (+5% AP) Movement Speed: 6/8/10/12/14% Magic Damage per blossom: 20/28/34/42/50 (+10% AP) Slow: 20/24/28/32/36% Cooldown: 18/16/14/12/10 seconds 

​

Skill 4R: Pollen Power!

“Bless you, bless you, bless you!! Hmm…looks like that’s not working…okay let me try!!”
Passive:

Ally champions marked with Pollen cannot have their Pollen consumed while within a certain range of Willow.

Range: 525 

Active:

Bloomed Brushes and Bloomed Wards (and Willow if she has achieved her Blossomed Form) release pollen in a circle around themselves, marking all champions standing in the effect radius with Pollen for 8 seconds.
A champions’ first basic attack against a champion marked with Pollen consumes the Pollen to make them sneeze, blinding them for a duration.

Champions marked with Pollen mark other champions they come within a proximity range of, over 1 second (static 8 second cooldown). Champions marked with Pollen additionally convert all wards they come within a proximity range of, into bloomed wards over 1 second.
If Willow has achieved her Budded Form they are rooted for the duration as well.

Proximity Range: 300 Blind: 1.5/2/2.5 seconds Root: 1.5/2/2.5 seconds Cooldown:120/100/80 seconds 

If Willow has achieved her Blossomed Form*, Willow gains access to* Sunshine Blessing!:

Recast: Sunshine Blessing!

Willow shoots sunshine in a line in front of herself. If sunshine comes into contact with a champion marked with Pollen she consumes the mark and stuns them for a duration if it was an enemy or cleanses the mark and shields them if it was an ally.

Sunshine’s cooldown is reset when a Pollen mark is consumed or cleansed.
If at least 3 marks of Pollen were consumed/ cleansed total, she bears fruit to a God-Willow Fruit herself, instantly consuming it.

Sunshine Range: 600 Stun: 1.5/2/2.5 Shield: 80/120/160 (+75% AP) Cooldown: 4 seconds 

Playstyle:

Willow is a gardener running from ward to ward, brush to brush tending to her garden hoping that they bear Willow Fruit. She heals with her basic attacks but constantly is in need of Willow Fruits to do. She can zone with her Q but needs to land her Bloom Doom light beams to help ensure damage and stun. She can make her own brushes for lanes where she cannot walk up to the brushes in lane. The more she gardens the more impactful she is as an enchanter.
She can join her jungler in the jungle to play alongside the jungler to gain map control with her vision control. Since she gains movement speed towards brushes she will quickly move within the jungle.
Players should try to get as many Willow Fruit as they can to heal allies but also so that she can achieve her Blossomed Form and gain a lot of healing and shielding power, in addition to empowered ability effects.
The E shield is not very big compared to other champs normally, but can get big after setting up her garden and charging. Most likely used in emergencies.
Ult helps "bring to fruition" more Willow Fruits in teamfights and adds a form of cc. When bloomed the cc becomes a stun also. Using the ult to gain God-Willow Fruit should be capitalized on when ulting but not necessarily a focus when ulting as just trying to stun enemies with Sunshine will help make that happen on its own.

Intended Max Order:

R, Q or E depending on lane, then W

Message:

Hope you like Willow! More champions coming soon! Let me know what you think! All feedback welcome!
- maGeDNA

They say you never know what to expect when you’re in a new place. Meeting dogpeople, catpeople, racoonpeople in lab coats and suits were all unexpected things. Finding myself plus one pair of boobs was another. But you know something?
In a way, those are all pretty small. Thanks to my genre savviness, the idea of magic and interworld travel wasn’t too shocking. I mean, I’m not saying I expected it or anything. But if you’re at least familiar with the concept, then it’s not hard to deal with.
But what really shocked me was my first step outside. I touched the panel and watched the segments of the door rise up, then stepped outside. Overhead I heard a wild scream and nigh jumped out of my skin. All of my tails bristled and my head snapped straight up. A wyvern with scales painted in a bright yellow pattern. I have to assume that since I was able to read the word ‘Airferry’ and I hadn’t had an issue with the letters or numbers from before, that the transition process gave me the necessary access to communication in this world.
But it sure didn’t give me the means to cope with the shock! The wyvern was ridden by a little yellow skinned norm wearing leather clothing and a pair of goggles secured to a leather cap on his head and strapped under his chin. From the wyvern’s body hung what might best be described as a long rowboat, but beneath the boat…or maybe barge? Was affixed a set of thick springs. It swayed a little, and the air picked up and carried their scarves and hair to trail behind them. But they too wore goggles on their faces to compensate for the speed of the air.
Far above I saw an airship. Literally. A god damn ship. Right down to the keel and rudder, secured by what I hope were metal cables that were secured to a net which bulged as it was pressed by a massive balloon longer than the ship itself.
The street was fairly ordinary, simple cobblestone, but I did not expect to see a pegasus and an eight legged sleipnir hitched outside of a round domed building. In the street, elves and humans mingled freely with each other, seemingly not even noticing their differences. In the stories I knew, hostility was the norm, but this place seemed rather cosmopolitan about everything.
A dwarf cobbler in what I can only describe as ‘old timey’ heavy boots and overalls made of canvas and wearing goggles with multiple lenses that were raised out of position, was looking up at a wolfman in a suit with a puffy snow white kerchief beneath his jaw bristled and growled, enduring the thunderous dwarven shout, “I don’t care what yew offerah me! Ah cannae finish when yew wawnt! Greatness takes time yah damn furry fool!”
People holding swords and wearing bits and pieces of armor were as common as scales on a fish, their shouting and noise wasn’t the only thing. A woman with long high elven ears was leaning out of the upper floor of a shop and hawking wares, “Fresh batch’a potions! Heal’n or skin peel’n, if you’ve got the gold, our potions will hold!”
‘At least jingles and slogans are the same in every world.’ I thought while my eyes bugged out of my head. The buildings were not the usual blocky boring brick squares I was used to. The buildings were of a spiral shape with rail lines that wove and curved around them left and right, and on the rails were glowing ‘miniature trains’. No. Trains is the wrong word. They were more like roller coaster cars, simple open cars in which people were riding to get from one place to another.
Bridges that crossed from one floor of a building to another were not metal, but rather they were vines that grew down from pointy green roofs, and they did not raise, they unrolled from one another and lowered or rose out of the way of the little chugging cars before binding together again, including little green armrests for safety or comfort. Strangely, there was no smoke from the engine car, and even stranger, it was pushing rather than pulling.
The buildings themselves were arranged in various designs from spiral shapes with winding staircases and doors every dozen paces or so going up, to ‘stacks’ of irregular blocks where each cube had a bridge between itself and its neighbor, with zigzag pattern steps going up from one floor to the next.
All those on the ground jostled together, though they made a clear path for those on horseback, or flowed seamlessly out of the way of landing air ferries, and I never saw any indication that the wyverns landed close to people. With their ferocious looking claws and oversized mouths with sharp teeth, I expected it could eat a child whole and a grown child… a grown up, in two or three bites.
‘Thank you internet, for you have blessed me with weebness that has translated into genre savviness, that I may live and not die of goddamn shock in the face of my long dreamt of transition to a new world full of adventure.’ I uttered a weebs prayer that I recalled from an anime group, and it felt good.
I took a deep breath, inhaling the air. It wasn’t as crisp as I hoped it might be. There was a definite odor of smoke, but it was more like burning wood than foul coal, and it was touched with the scent of pastries and fresh baked goods.
Sweets are a bit of a weakness of mine, so I scrapped my first plan to go join the adventurer’s guild and placed my hand on my slate, then I said, “Show me the way to a bakery.” I watched as a streetmap faded into view like a person stepping out of a thick fog, gradually becoming clear.
I was staring down at the map indicator, which was really nothing more than building shapes and a road, nothing intricate, when I decided to try an experiment. I was represented by a little green dot, but there was no color elsewhere. Just little black lines. “Increase realism by one hundred percent.” I instructed it, and the top down view of the city grew exponentially more complicated. I could see the rooftops and the many people passing by, at least the tops of their heads. I still had a black line pulsing on the screen as my guide, but… “Damn. If things worked this well back home then people could just never look up from their devices.” I mumbled and said, “Remove people.”
For a moment I panicked, ‘What if that killed everybody?!’ My head snapped up to look at the street. Everybody was alive. I gave a heavy sigh of relief and looked down, the realistic street and rooftops were there, but the ‘people’ and their mounts, thankfully, were gone.
You know, if I had to pick the seminal moment of this whole… whatever this is, it wouldn’t be showing up when and where I did. It wouldn’t be getting my slate or leaving the doctor behind. It wouldn’t even be stepping out the door of the building.
It would be this. The world was ‘real’ now, you know? I was about to actually move among the general population, all the dangers and experiences I wanted, were starting with ‘this’ one step more than any other.
It might seem strange to think of my life in genre specific terms, like a video game or an anime, manga, or light novel series. And I admit, it probably wasn’t my best idea. What made me realize it wasn’t the wisest thing was my epic trip to the bakery which, according to the map, was one block away.
What danger did I face?
What plot hook caught my eye?
Was it a mugging by a stranger?
Did I see a pair of pretty girls being mugged in an alley in need of some sexy rescuing?
Did a stranger grab me and whisper in a hushed and raspy voice, “I have been told by the gods that you would come, follow me, they’re looking for you…”
Or perhaps a military or bandit raid on the city that gave me a chance to be a heroine?
Hell no.
Nothing freaking happened.
Nobody stared at me with wonder and awe, I wasn’t totally unique, I saw two other kitsunes in just that short distance. I just tried not to bump into too many people, though I seemed to be the only one in the crowd like that. Pedestrians bumped shoulders a lot, without so much as an apology.
I quickly realized that it was so impossible not to, that there was no reason to apologize for doing it.
So I got over that fairly quickly, but I was mildly annoyed of the unfortunate reminder that I’d actually have to put in the work to have an adventure. There was no call to it for me, not that I really saw. ‘Summoned as a Janitor’ was the worst title I could possibly think of, and if I ever wrote this down, I’d be damned if I’d give my life story that title.
Anyway, the bakery… I really didn’t need directions for it after a little while as the sweet and savory scents tickled my nose before I was halfway there. I just leaned forward, following the tantalizing smell and soon found myself staring into the window of a shop. A line of baked goods, breads sprinkled with sugar, little green cakes with what I had to conclude was some kind of dark honey, and some little round crispy things with what was definitely melted chocolate, all caught my eye.
The door to the shop was open and I hastened within, a portly orc was wearing a giant oversized chef’s hat with a bronze clock face on it. One look and I knew it wasn’t decoration.
Whatever it was counting down for, it reached it before I reached the counter. It made a quick, ‘ding!’ noise and he said, “S’cuze me.” And disappeared into the back. He was a pretty standard orc, with thick muscled arms, greenish body and tusks for teeth below a porcine nose. His one distinguishing feature was that he was quite fat.
‘That’s how I know I can trust him. He’s eating his own work.’ I concluded and looked around. While what I saw of the city could be described as at least somewhat ‘dirty’ the shop itself was surprisingly clean. The racks were wood, except for two on the far wall which were of silver with even fancier items than on the wood, and I realized that probably represented a higher cost. The deeper you went inside, the more you paid.
“Fresh baked rumbldumplins!” He all but shouted, holding out the hot tray with his bare hands. Orcs were notoriously thick skinned, it was no surprise that his hands weren’t burning, but it was still weird to see one as a baker. He tilted it so I could see, and a little round pastry with an unfamiliar flower shaped ‘fruit’ I think? Sat in the center dripping with liquid sugar from what passed for leaves, landing on the flakey crust and drizzling down to the pan.
“You buy fresh, I give you discount on buying the old.” He said and his deepset amber eyes gave me a conspiratorial wink. “You my first customer of the day, so what you say eh?” He boomed at me.
I noticed the clock on his hat was ticking down again, and wondered what else was there.
“Yes. I say yes!” The rumbledumplins smelled great and looked even better.
“You make a good deal, I give you half off, eh? On any of the old but the sanziberry pie. We short of sanziberries.” He said and grabbed a newspaper from behind his counter.
“Why is that?” I asked. ‘Is this a plot hook? A quest beginning? Alright it’s a fetch quest, but still, it’d be my first!’ I could feel the excitement building and my heart starting to race.
“Oh, contract dispute. The bastards want triple the creds for the same thing. So I’m getting a new supplier and it takes time to get started. Fool too! Big fool. Sanziberries last a long time. Pie stays fresh. Do something like that with rumbleberries and I might have to pay first. Big fool.” He repeated with a shake of his big round head. “How many you want?”
The transaction was completed in a heartbeat, just like the doctor said. I paid ten creds and walked out with six rumbledumplings and a dozen chocolate crisps all wrapped up in old newspapers. I munched on one when I stood outside the shop.
“So much for a plot hook.” I mumbled while my eyes popped at the rich flavor melting on my tongue. When I realized at that moment, at the completion of my first ‘journey’ that literally not a goddamn thing had happened, or would happen, or could happen in the way it did in games and books and visual media, I snapped back to reality.
“I’m not getting a call to adventure. So… I’m going to have to pay it a visit instead.” I said, then swallowed my first purchase, and stowed the remainder under my arm for a moment. I touched my slate and said, “Show me to the Adventurer’s Guild.”

​
Welcome to today’s episode of ‘I read Enneagram Literature so you don’t have to’.
So, last time we discussed reactivity, it was in terms of symptoms and triggers – what causes it, how it looks like for each type.
This time we’re going to try looking at it at a somewhat deeper level, trying to glipmse what’s ‘underneath’ the reaction, and underneath that, down to the very root.
There is this idea that for every type there is a particular way that they parse pain, adversity and disconnection, a particular cascade or complex of emotions that tends to be set off (that, in some individuals, may be buried quite a bit under the surface) – this is called the ‘specific difficulty’, which then leads to the specific reaction, how the person characteristically responds to adversity, the ostensibly visible outward behavior – furthermore, the particular way that the adversity is interpreted, what one feels in response, and how one then reacts (having one interpretation, feeling, response etc. and not others) may be grounded in particular assumptions or perceptions. (Almaas would say, ‘delusions’ deriving from the absence of the holy ideas)
It’s repeatedly emphasized that since the ideas are all synonymous, to “lose” one is to lose all and so we would all have these experiences and reactions sometimes so long as we are subject to “egoic existence” -
But there’s one reaction that particularly tends to be your go-to reaction when things don’t go your way.
As some variants of the theory goes, this “specific reaction”, or at least some simpler, pre-verbal, implicit version of this, would also have been your reaction as a baby when your needs weren’t being met, or possibly even what you were feeling the very moment you realized you were a separate person different from your mother and the rest of the world, and that this then formed the basis for your separate self-concept.
Or, if you believe in that sort of thing, it would rather have been the moment you got disconnected from the universal consciousness and subcumbed to the illusion of being a separate being.
It is worth nothing that if it is your concept of you getting distinguished from your concept of the universe, it could well feel like being cut off from a state of oneness, the same way that the reverse experience of everything becoming one can reportedly happen during meditation or drug trips, with or without any supernatural or metaphysical elements involved.
But even as a purely psychological postulation it is of course highly speculative, perhaps best seen as a metaphor, summary or just-so story, an image describing a subjective feeling.
However, the notion that we tend to whatever adversity and pain you happen to encounter differently and in consistent ways based on our mode of perception and the specific biases of it is something that may highly check out or that I’d find interesting to explore, as I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of how your viewpoint can influence what you see and the way that people’s reactions, responses, feelings and choices can differ under adversity.
At very least, I’ll have to grant this Mr. Almaas that he is clearly an intelligent, well-read person familiar with a great variety of spiritual traditions from around the world and astute insight into people’s reactions and feelings, which is particularly apparent in the way that he skillfully anticipates the reader’s emotional torque and always has a nice little term for it.
(Frankly, I smell INFJ. All this “subtler spiritual world beneath everything” is very Ni.)
It is clear that he got this Wisdom from much introspecting & discussing his meditation experiences with other spiritual seekers.
If I did not by chance happen to have the particular background that I do and this very particular collection of whimsically gathered facts rattling around inside my head, he might have converted me.
Whether we agree with his conclusions & what the lens and what is seen, he seems to have fine perceptions on the human psyche so hypothetics about babies & universal soul aside, his sharpness on anticipating & discerning feelings may lead one to at least entertain his notions with regard to the emotions of adults.
Be that as it may, I will now simply attempt to convey the concept for your consideration.

Type 1

The response here is to judge that there must be something wrong. The unsatisfactory something in the environment is simply incorrect, not how it should be.
So the feeling reaction can be angry frustration at the thing not being how it ought, whether that is something external or yourself, including for some a more or less buried sense that you, too are ‘wrong’ and in need of improvement, or at least of civilizing & control so you stay ‘right’. Some unhappier 1s can present with a deep sense of unworthyness & how they’re ‘the worst’.
Note that, in contrast to some of the other complexes, the idea that “some parts are wrong” also implies that some parts are right & that this is discernible to you.
The reaction to this, then, tends to be either improvement or justification.
Improvement is straightforward – you try to fix the thing that’s wrong. It’s almost a reflex to bring it up or even immediately go & fix it. The error will tend to (as a result, 1s or even 1 fixers can be spotted by a tendency to repeatedly bring up nitpicks or complaints that bother them)
This is where some of the compulsive action-like quality or tendency toward action as cope comes from, but likely also action-orientedness in a positive sense, (“if no ones gonna fix it I will”)
This impulse to fix is also applied to oneself, so 1s can be the kinds of people who are always looking to grow & improve themselves.
The other side of the coin is justification, responding to the feeling of ‘wrongness’ by arguieing & proving that you are, in fact, right, arguing that your way is the best & the other person might be wrong, or that you’re not wrong fir wanting something because you’re going about it the ‘right’ way.
The underlying assumption that needs to be there for this response to make sense is that some things are better than others, that things are comparable, that it’s possible for some parts of something to e right and for others to be wrong, for some to perfect and others imperfect. (and this is where Almaas would wax poetically to you about the intrinsic Holy Perfection of all things that is also the intrinsic intuitive intelligence of the universe & yadda yadda)
Certainly there may be some over-perception of what’s binary, or even just linear unitarian and rankable, meaning, it can be boiled down to a single number, so that there is a clear unambiguous “better or worse” to everything – some things may be incomparable apples and oranges, or there may be different equally good options, or a tradeoff depending on priorities.
However, I think most of us would agree that there is an universal better or worse for some things at least – starving children, for example.

Type 2

So for 2, the fundamental response to things not going your way is a sense of impotent humiliation, feeling personally slighted or humbled, but also dispensable, uneeded and unimportant.
Think of the classic example of the person who is dejected over the 1 person who didn’t like their presentation, or who has a hard time not taking it as personal rejection if their help is declined.
2s tend to implicitly assume that they should be able to make everyone like them so when that isn’t the case it can be felt as humiliation or shame, but particularly the kind of shame where you feel irrelevant, like the ‘No thank you’ means ‘You’re not needed or important we can do just fine without you’.
The reaction then is described as wilfulness, actively making sure that things go your way, in particular, that you get the responses you want from others. You put yourself in a good light, you go out of your way to make a connection, you ingratiate yourself,
In the extreme this can lead to meddlesomeness, like intruding in situations youre not really a part of to make sure they go your way. Like the classic mistake where the step-parent tries too hard to force a blended family & gets pissed off when the stepkids keep mementos of their bio parent or want to do things with just their full siblings. “why are you excluding me/your half-siblings, I just want us all to be a happy family” but then by trying too hard to force it they just antagonize the step kids. But letting it grow organically entails the possibility that you might be disliked or rejected and then feel powerless & shamed again.
The underlying assumption you need to make for this interpretation of things to make sense is that you have a separate will that can be frustrated & aren’t part of an great universal motion that is already making everything happen & taking care of everything… sigh.
2s can certainly come off as both overperceiving how much it’s all up to them (“They need me, if I don’t solve all their problems who will? My shitty boyfriend will die without me”) and as overly forcing matters in ways that can seem pushy, ingratiating or even manipulative, & it is true that you wouldn’t feel humiliated or impotent if you didn’t think it was up to you, because if the other person just chose differently, why should you be ashamed if they refused your offer? It wouldnt mean youre unimportant, just that they’re not in the mood for, say, your cookies today.
Though, when I think of all the 2s that are charity workers or doing thankless hard work in caretaking professions, I am kind of grateful that they didn’t leave it up to the “benevolence of the universe” but rightly perceived the need for somebody to fucking care - Soup kitchens & nursing departments are alledgedly chock full of ‘em. So I’d say it’s an issue of right perception.
The esoterics would say that the charity workers helping is of course part of the universal will, but that smells like catholicism, “everything bad is you everything good is god”, thats no way to live.
(Funfact: You won’t believe how uneccesarily Freudian this was in the book. Just kept referring to it as “humiliated castration”.)

Type 3

Here, the response to something not going your way is to feel that you have failed. You should have been able to do this without a problem, but there’s a problem, so you didn’t do it right.
Please note the difference to 2, that, though it’s kinda similar, the point here is not that you feel personally humbled, but that you did the thing wrong, and therefore your pain could be remedied by doing the thing better. It’s your doing that was the problem.
So there is a self-judgement entailed here: You weren’t good enough, but good enough in the sense of “not competent enough”, not morally or method wise, like with 1.
The reaction, then, is also different: Striving and activity. You think what happened is you did it wrong, so you must do it better, do more, keep doing.
This is why 3 is one of those types that get antsy when they sit idle for too long.
The striving itself & desire to become-through-doing may actually be more fundamental that even the desire for success, praise or attention (which are external marker by which to measure the striving, that you’re doing it right) – because, as soon as the 3 has cleared one goal, they quickly think of another.
You also sometimes hear 3s or 3 fixers say that when someone says they’re not X they take it as a pointer that they should be more X. Not being X is seen as a failure, & the response is to strive to be more X.
This is underlied by the assumption that you are a separate doer, you’re an agent appart from the “universal flow”, you are a someone who can do something.
If you didn’t see what happens as potentially under the control & depending on your actions,
Sigh.
I will never understand ppl who find the idea that they have no agency comforting. Proactivity & not waiting for shit to fall in your hands is IMHO one of the best qualities you can have in life.
I honestly admire this quality, as someone who’s shot themselves in the foot so much by assuming it’s all pointless & my actions don’t matter.
That said, the grain of truth here may be that 3s overestimate what is within their ability & then judge themselves by those too-high estimations. Like thinking they must win everything or work so hard it breaks their body, that you always can & should do more & it’s not ok to have limits – or that limits are the same as having failed. Your body having limits is not your failure, did you design it? Did you invent humans? No, evolution fucked that one up (universal benevolence my arse) so you did not fail.

Type 4

So, when a 4 is met with things not going so peachy or events they do not like, the go-to response is to feel disconnected, cast-out, stranged – lost in the wild or left out in the rain.
This can be a disconnection from oneself, or from what is divine, sublime, meaningful or spiritual, from whatever it is that matters, whatever you’d find at the end of the rainbow, whatever you’d hope to find inside that castle from Utena.* That which shines. The Power of Miracles. Something Eternal. The blue flower. The unicorn in the garden.
And not only are you separated from it, you feel like it is unreachable, or you are unreachable to it, that you are far from heaven -
As you might expect, if you’re away from that, you’re left in a sad and mournful state, longing for what can never come back, or what you can’t seem to find, what seems distant to you.
You see the world as a sad burnt-out cadaver from which the light has gone, and you don’t get how everyone else seems to walk through this place as if nothing is wrong. Maybe you envy them, or you disdain them, or you think they must just be dumb and simple but whatever the specifics it seems unlikely that you can have a rapport with them.
One might think of Herman Hesse’s descriptions of his youth where he saw his mother & sisters as existing in “the light world” and himself as being aware of a realm of darkness.
So what reaction can you possibly have to it? The book is deliberately out to humble you by calling it “control” & I see how it means that & how, in the worst cases, that absolutely applies, though it’s gonna make ppl imagine the wrong thing. It’s not control like a control freaks who tells you what to do, in its more benign manifestations you might call it creation. Trying to make your own meaning, if divinity seems far away, in being deliberate about how you exist, putting thought & choice in little choices like what makeup to wear or what option to pick, relating it to something within you, seeking the sublime wherever it may be.
Though you can certainly call it control when it gets into trying to craft how you will be seen & responded to. Correcting ideas and perceptions you don’t want as misunderstandings might be thought of as a kind of control.
That thing when your relationship is stalling out & you cause some drama or suddenly have this fantasy of running away with a casual acquaintance is a kind of control. Inflicting pain onto yourself so at least you know when the stab comes is a kind of control. Chosing which negatives to show so they don’t focus on the really raw spots is a kind of control. Making your pain into something pretty is a way of mastering it.
In extreme cases, stuff like self-harm or anorexia can be control.
“If all else fails, I myself have power to die”, as one famous 4 (Shakespeare) has Juliet say. She destroys herself before they can force her to marry Paris, which seemed to her the only way to take control over her destiny and stay true to what was important and meaningful to her, & in the end its all an accusation to the parents: What a crappy world you made, that the only way to be free was to die.
The assumption, of course, that you need to make to conclude that you can be “cut off”, is that you have your own separate identity and nature, that people and things have separate natures at all and aren’t all part of god & the same divine origin.
So the world can’t be a dead abandoned carcass devoid of divinity if it is all divinity & there is no distinction between divine and not divine. Or: You can’t be cut off from yourself because you are the universe / part of the body of god.
Note that the point here is not so much the idea that you are separate at all, (that’s rather associated with 5) but that you have a separate nature. (for example, divine or not)
He uses the mataphor of air in a baloon, and the lack of Holy Transparency is the idea that there is a baloon, whereas the lack of Holy Origin is the idea that the air in your baloon has some particular smell or color different from the other baloons.
There’s a funny little moment in the book where Almaas writes that if you could have separate natures that mean, in his thinking, that you came from separate origins/gods and “that cannot be, because then there would be ultimate division, and if there was ultimate division, spiritual work would be totally pointless”. It’s a nice, satisfying glipmse at what keeps him up at night, or at least what last remnants of fear even he couldn’t yet train himself out of.
There are of course spiritual beliefs that include ultimate distinction, such as Zoroastrianism and mainstream Christianity (which, as its factually practiced, is often more dualist than monotheist – there is good & bad, everything good comes from god & everything bad comes from the devil. There isn’t really a devil in Judaism, and the Islamic devil has a very different, much smaller role)
I’d also like him to define ‘ultimate’ for me. Cause he’s like, “yeah things are different but those differences are not ultimate”. Certainly you can turn reality so that it all being off the same stuff can be said in a way that it’s technically correct. It’s all excitations in quantum fields. You can also turn it so that really nothing really touches. What makes one of those ways of looking at it ‘ultimate’?
Cause, the idea of difference doesn’t come cause someone woke up on day & decide they’re more special than u but from a mode of perception where contrasts & differences are emphasized.
Who says that it’s not the difference that it’s real and the unity that’s illusory?
Or maybe both are just hopelessly biased lenses reflecting our inability to see reality other than through the flawed architecture of our wrinkly meat-computers & we don’t know what the effin world looks like.
That said, I have heard some 4s reporting that a turning point in their life was when it occurred to them to try and find traces of, or connections to the sublime & the beautiful in their everyday surroundings.
If you kneejerk assume what’s meaningful is ‘out there’, you might miss it when it’s in front of you. You might not want to define the meaningful & real (or yourself) too narrowly.
Though this is probably possible without immediately throwing all taste and discernment overboard.
It’s not a question of convincing yourself the shitty boring thing is actually great, but of being willing to see what genuinely is connected or relevant to what you personally consider meaningful – which is obviously going to differ by the individual.
For me personally – well, this is obviously not a ‘layer’ that I can always be conscious of all the time, but when you consider all the complicated biological machinery, mental mechanisms & particular experieces that make someone up, how incredibly unlikely it is to be sentient beings clinging to the surface of this little bubble, then that seemingly boring rando suddenly looks very different. I’m still going to prefer what I personally find interesting & resonant cause I gotta pick something and I only have 24 hours in a day so probably not gonna be friends with the boring rando and im still going to complain about everything that sucks because somebody should, but, its a difference if I see the random guy as boring to me subjectively, though technically a rare sentient creature of stardust, that if I see him as objectively a part of and a symbol for the lesser light-forsaken rot that consumes everything.
It’s probably going to change how I treat him.
I don’t think the rot is an illusion at all, so even if I believed in spirituality I would a more chaotic world than Almaas’s all-benevolent one, but even the carcass of rot is again just one perspective, even if its my ‘home base’ perspective. Some stuff is probably also good even if it’s not all stuff.

Type 5

So, you are a type 5 just minding your business, and then something goes really sideways. What’s your most likely response?
The text labels the experience as ‘deficient isolation’.
Basically a sense of being small, weak, frail, not enough, empty, impoverished, insubstantial and separated from all else as if by thick impenetrable walls or an insurmountable gulf across which any understanding is dubious at best.
You are stuck in a confusing place that you can’t make any sense of; Existence is understood as a rather flimsy, fragile, barely-there something; life as a laborious torment where one must constantly hold oneself up – and limited and insufficient as you are, you are absolutely not up to the task. You might sit there frozen in dread when you contemplate the insurmountable hurdles that you will be expected to cross.
If you understand your situation like that, there is only one reaction you can possibly have. You’re hopelessly outmatched, and only a fool would play when they cannot win.
Therefore the kneejerk response when something gets difficult is always to get away, to run, to hide away, to break off contact, to avoid it or avoid having to deal with it, to give it a wide, wide berth, to put some distance between yourself and the adversity in whatever way you can, if not by literally leaving then by finding something to preoccupy yourself with so that you have to experience as little of it as you can get away with.
Sometimes you see the tendency to retreated or the interests portrayed as some kind of preparation with the eventual goal to return, but that’s a misunderstanding; While individuals might research some things in advance before doing them that’s more a question of bracing to endure it.
The pursuits aren’t preparation for anything; They’re just what you have instead of what people would generally consider a life, somewhere to exist, something to fill your consciousness with.
There is not generally any great intention to ‘come back’ or do anything else of realistic practical nature.
I recall reading about an instance where Franz Kafka was asked something like, “So you don’t write to publish?” and his answer was, “No, I just do this to prove to myself that I am not altogether stupid.” Indeed a lot of what he produced only saw the light of day after his death.
So, that pretty much summarizes it.
Now, according to the perspective espoused in that book none of this makes sense, as it is based on the assumption that you are a separate being, separate from others, separate from the universe, separate from god, separate from everything – otherwise, it would not make sense to try and get away from the world, since that’s quite impossible if you are one with it.
Nor would it make sense to feel cut off or walled off in the first place; Your sense of experiencing yourself as flimsy is simply a consequence of defining yourself too narrowly and trying to exist on your own apart from god or the universe which you are irrevocably tied to, so you’d feel much more substantial and confident acting in the universe as just another part of it.
(Here we are treated to a ministry of truth esque rant about how real indepence is actually independence from the idea of wanting to be independent. That perfect independence is impossible may well be, same as there is no perfect anything; But you’re not going to get me to buy that total determinism is a good thing. Illusion or not, I still have the subjective experience of having to choose something I can’t just sit and wait for the universe to pick something. )
I get that technically all is made up of atoms & it is only our perception that divides it into discrete objects, and that there isn’t really a way to get away from reality if everything is reality.
I get that very well actually as I understand precisely how quickly my perceived intactness as an emergent system would be ended by the likes of worms, botflies or a bunch of stray shrapnel penetrating my silly little skull. Even a restricted little parcel of reality is full of inescapable awfulness.
That doesn’t change that people are separate from each other in the sense that they cannot read minds.
No one can really know anyone’s elses thoughts & feelings; Lots of ppl just don’t notice because they’re better at guessing other ppl’s contents than I am, but that doesn’t change that it remains a guess. A guess that often leads to presumptuous and cruel behavior whenever they don’t understand someone.
I think being aware of & respecting the differences between you & others is the beginning of all respect, and realizing that you don’t fucking “just know” and not everything is obvious is the first step to wisdom. What can you find out if you don’t think there is anything to find?
Reserving judgement when there’s not enough info to tell anything should be held up as a virtue.
That said, it certainly is true – and I have alas experienced the proof in this particular pudding for myself – that type 5 individuals tend to rate their abilities to sustain effort, endure stimulus, master unfamiliar situations and make themselves comprehensible to others as somewhat worse than it actually is.
One supposes that this works rather by the same principle as how a little child might come to avoid anything to do with ball games with a rather stronger aversion than is strictly merited after having been whacked in the face with a ball once too many.
Sometimes one can somewhat exposure-therapy onself into tolerating stuff if one can persist past the initial aversion.
Though this is quite different from the sometimes espoused claim that the limitations are completely illusory; Making sure to stay in the stretch zone rather than the panic zone and coming up with some system of concrete steps where even small increments constitute some progress (as something you can hold against the sense that its all a futile pointless waste) is actually a huge part of not quitting, in my experience, though I cannot be said to have it figured out by far.

Type 6

So the type 6 response to adversity tends to be a state of fearful insecurity.
You feel exposed, abandoned and scared of whatever might be coming at you from the outside world, but at the same time, you don’t trust yourself to be able to handle what might be coming at you.
You may wish that someone would hold you or comfort you, but at the same time, you doubt that this is really possible to obtain such comfort. Whatever help anybody offers you smells of self-serving reasons. But you don’t trust your own intentions either, your own thoughts, feelings and intuitions are suspect as well. You fear that you might have an ugly, monstrous nature deep down inside.
With nothing certain to rely on either within or without, you feel touchy, on-edge, confrontational, volatile.
You often hear the metaphor of balancing along an edge or lacking solid ground under your feet.
I’s wager that it’s probably the exact emotion described in Papa Roach’s “Gettin away with murder” or Linkin Park’s “One Step closer”.
The reaction, then, if you feel threatened, is to be on guard. To respond with heightened alertness & vigilance & stand ready to apply one of the four Fs as required.
The other types all more or less default to one or two of the responses, but 6s runs the whole gamut probably because they are the most in touch with their natural alarm responses.
They often have a level of heightened lartness going on, it doesn’t take much to set off a response, and they may often default to responsding with defensive suspicion and hostility when something goes wrong. A part of this suspicion is a kind of exaggerated scepticism that ends up testing things again & again even after they have been confirmed for the bajillionth time.
They try to guess what others are up to, but they are also suspicious and vigilant with regards to themselves, & may be inclined to beat themselves up or fear making mistakes.
The assumption you need to make for this fear to even make sense is that the world is dangerous, that is, that the world, and all the humans that are part of it including yourself, aren’t intrinsically good. If you knew it was intrinsically good, you would just trust it without fear, suspicion or defensive aggression, as you would just trust that whatever happens is for the best.
(I kid you not.)
This is equated with not recognizing that essence or divinity exists or the assumption that ego is all there is, with thinking that, for example, your parents aren’t being nice to you out of pure good but because they have reasons/causes such as obligation.
Here we get the obligatory esoteric riffing on ‘overly rationalistic’ worldviews, though Almaas distinguishes that lacking Holy Faith is not per se equivalent with not believing in god, as it is possible to be an atheist and still believe in the good in humanity.
He explains, however, that this faith is to come from direct experience of essence & the divine & not from belief, in that usual manner that spiritual types conveniently exempt themselves & their cherished spiritual experiences from the problem of perception.
Now, 6s probably notice more danger than the rest of us because they look for it. I can’t count the times that my sisters (who are 6s) alerted my mom or I that we were about to spill, drop or break something we were totally oblivious about. They did not imagine that, we did spill the darn sauce. The world is not so intrinsically good as to magically avoid food waste.
Unless we’re dealing with a very immature or downright paranoid individual, the dangers are often actually there.
At the same time, this looking for it can create an overemphasis or bias since they don’t look for not dangerous, perfectly fine, rainbow sparkly things.
It has also happened often that my sisters were fretting & nervous about an exam & worried if they would pass at all, and then they got an A or B on it, a discrepancy that can probably be explained by failing to feature in positive information.
Your noggin tracks negatives for free, which is already half the world (yay!), but it might pay & get you a more accurate picture if you make some conscious effort to notice good stuff also.

Type 7

When confronted with all things pear-shaped, the response, at least on the most immediate level, is to feel disoriented and lost.
Later on there might be this entire chain reaction involving mounting anxiety, restlessness and a whole lot of copium, but when the blow first connects, the answer is ‘What now? What do I do? Where do I go from here?’
Whatever happened was not what you expected or thought it would be. Maybe a door you had counted on staying open has now closed. Or maybe you’re just hurting and you don’t know what to do about it.
The reaction to this, then, is to think of something to do. To direct your own experience of life, either externally, by making plans and packing your day full of enjoyable experiences and thereby ensuring that you will not only have everything you need but also having plenty of extra options to spare, or internally, by thinking of an idea of what you want to be like and trying to nudge your feelings in a positive direction by thinking of reasons why things aren’t so bad.
Either you think up some solution to your problems, or you explain the problems away wholesale. Maybe all it takes is a little perspective shift.
Naturally this desire to direct your own experience might bring you into conflict with or friction against those who may want to restrict your freedom or limit your opinions, so another way of directing your experience is thinking of ways to charm or outfox them.
This might sound rather similar to the 4 reaction (perhaps accounting for some of the similarity between the types) but while the 4s control response is about knowing when & why the blow is coming, the 7s direction has a particular, optimal outcome in mind: You want the plan to ensure that you get what you want.
The assumption underlying this, as Almaas would have it, is that you can direct your life and have an independent plan for yourself.
You can’t, since there is only the one, godly plan – and in this he explictly includes the work of self-developement and how it cant be forced along some plan, goal or timeline and must simply be allowed to happen.
To this you might have a similar reply as the type 7 musician Tori Amos: ‘If the divine plan is perfection, maybe next I’ll give Judas a try’. She wrote that song while she was coping with the grief about a miscarriage.
The universe, if it makes sense to anthropomize it like this at all, frankly doesn’t know what the frick it’s doing.
There is probably some partial truth in that 7s can sometimes feel aimless or appear that way to others, or be over-focussed on maximizing their experience to a point where it may get in the way of taking it in.
I too would, to some extent, explain the reaction in terms of the 7s way of seeing the world – being aware of all the options both for what you can do & what you can be, that you would in theory have the potential to go/do be all those things, so how do you pick?
In a way, having a vivid imagination and being able to appreciate the potential in all the options makes this harder, cause you know many of them might be equally good… but there is only finite time, other limits that make it so you cant have them all, which you would also be well-aware of, and that’s where the fear comes in.
So you might end up flitting from option to option without fully squeezing the juice of any.
And if there’s no particular reason to pick one over the other, it can seem like it doesn’t matter which one you pick, like it’s all basically pointless and arbitrary.
As it was said in that one Doctor Who minisode, “If you turn the universe into your backyard, that’s all you have: A backyard.” The characters of Rick Sanchez or the Joker might be another example 7 brand of nihilism at its most destructive.
If it is all the same and nothing matters, there is really nothing else to do but to see how you can extract the most pleasure from whatever’s available.
In modern works the metaphor of infinite parallel universes is often used; In his own day, Goethe depicted his protagonist Faust as getting a second life by magic after considering his first one unhappily wasted & then trying his hand at many different pursuits, often leaving everything in ruins as a result of his selfishness, and yet it is the very tendency to strive for the ideal that is his saving grace in the end.
That being said, given how your average 7 sets themselves to experience & learn a lot more than the general population, I wouldn’t say the aim to plan & ensure that you have a quality experience here on earth is futile – I could stand to have more of that myself.
Just be mindful of the earthly limitations that apply – you cannot always direct everything to the better, sometimes bad stuff just happens, and sometimes you might be happier if you just yourself enjoy what is there rather than thinking how it could be better.

Great news! Interest rates fell and cash buyer boomers from NOVA have all been ground into soylent you should have no problem snatching up that cute turn key move in ready ranch with a nice yard walking distance to bars and coffee shops for $200k (25k under list full inspection seller covers all repairs) in the Munford school district!
 
.......Ok lmao yeah April Fools let’s just get that shit out of the way now.
 
I’m a real estate agent working all over the entire Richmond area. I’ve been involved in real estate over ten years in one form or another and am in the top 5% of agents in my company nationwide. With my boring whack ass credentials out of the way welcome to my Q2 real estate update where I want to look back on how far we've come in the last three months. We’ll do a quick primer on the current banking crisis that’s been making headlines and what that means for the coming economic collapse (lololol). I also want to walk you through what it’s been like on the ground with some buyers of mine and highlight some events during the course of finding them a home. We’re also going to have some guest commentary by /rva’s resident lender u/gracetw22 with her take on the mortgage side of the business.
 
I’d like to apologize a head of time because I’m going to be jumping into and out of things as I’m writing all of this so the main thread of the post is going to zig zag a bit. Just think of it more like a journey > destination type thing. I’ll try to make this as guided as I can but will probably spend more time fucking with reddit post formatting than drawing up a proper outline so uhhh let's jump in.
 

Days of Whine and Roses

For those joining us for the first time here is the post I made at the start of the year. This covers a lot of basics about where we have come from, answers some FAQs about appraisal gaps/cash buyers/home prices skyrocketing, and is generally just a good starting point for everything I’m going to discuss in this post. Much of this is still valid today and I have been told this is an extremely pro click:
 
RVA Real Estate Outlook 2023 - Behold a Pale Gray House
 
Housing has been in a recession since June/July of last year. The increase in mortgage rates have really put a damper on the market. In some ways that’s a good thing. Things were getting a little too crazy. It sucks for affordability, but homes were flying on and off the market way too fast. Many people couldn’t afford them even because so many people had cash on hand to bid over asking, which is different from an all-cash sale (see my previous post for a more detailed explainer on this), and the list price of a home doesn’t mean shit if it sells for an entirely different and much higher price.
 
The price of the home is what the invisible hand of the market doing jerk off motions says the price is. You can list a trash heap with no central air in Highland Springs for a million but that doesn’t mean you will get it. Conversely you can list some gorgeous updated home in the near west end for a ridiculous amount under recent comps in the last 90 days and pretend like you’re the hero when it falls in line with everything else as it goes under contract. Guess what real estate agents absolutely love doing to artificially boost their credibility?
 
Side note: occasionally in real estate posts someone on here will share a Zillow link to a home pending for like I dunno 350k that looks absolutely magnificent and almost every single time that happens I inevitably look it up, pull comps, and go “yeah this is underpriced by 50-100k.” Ya’ll please stop allowing yourself to be catfished. It’s a deliberate ploy and agents have been shamelessly doing it for the past 2 years. If it looks too good to be true, it more than likely is. Here is an example that caught everyone’s eye listed at 349k closed at 405k: 8016 Burrundie Drive
 

Nobody move there’s blood on the floor

Anywho I mentioned the R word and by that I mean a recession in housing. What you have to remember is that if you’re going to pack your shit up and sell your home you are almost always going to become a buyer unless you’re also being packed up in a coffin or urn on your way out in which case you don’t care where you go. If you’re looking to sell you are looking at what you think you’re going to net for your home as well as what your all-in and monthly payment is going to be on your next home. A lot of sellers are sitting pretty right now flush with equity. The vast majority are holding onto rates of 4.5% or lower. Why give that up unless you absolutely have to? Keep in mind a metric fuck ton of people refinanced in 2020 when rates cratered. Yeah you can bend a buyer over a barrel and get top dollar for your place now, but for many it’s a wash because they’ll have to pay that much more for their next place, go through what they just did to Mr and Mrs Buyer, and end up paying way more for the same thing they just gave up. When rates were low this was easier to stomach, but when they started skimming 7% the value proposition just wasn’t there. This caused a pretty substantial drop in inventory nationally because everyone stayed put. The issue of inventory has been the main driver of why housing sucks the last few years so even though we have less of it there is still upward pressure on pricing just due to the fact that there isn’t enough to go around.
 
Fewer homes being listed means fewer buying opportunities for everyone. The whole system kind of seized up. That being said there are still a lot of renters and first time home buyers trying to break into the market because the rental market fuckin’ suuuuuuucks regardless of what rates are doing. I got a text from someone who I didn’t really expect to hear from until later this year tell me his rent is being jacked up 17% because “reasons” according to his landlord. When people are faced with that kind of increase suddenly purchasing becomes a lot more enticing. You aren’t at the whims of the rental market, you can bank some equity, and you can (mostly) do what you want where you live.
 
If you go back to 2018-2019 which were the last time the world looked ::finger quotes:: “normal” you would see inventory was pretty flat until late Feb and then rose to a peak in the summer. This year has followed the same pattern we’ve had in 2021 and 2022 except we still aren’t seeing the flatline into growth we should be seeing right now. Inventory continues to fall and if that tracks we may not see “peak” inventory until August. There is no hard and fast rule on what the new normal is so this is something I’m going to continue to keep a close eye on city wide and will try to update everyone that’s interested accordingly. For now (In an Extremely Kai Rysdall Voice) let’s do the numbers.
 
Active listings around this time last year hovered around 351k total available units nationwide. It was 438k in March of 2021 and 934k units in 2020. Currently it is at 562k-ish. If your memory is hazy I’ll just point out that March of 2020 was really before COVID hit the US and went gangbusters which is when inventory dropped like a rock and everyone thought housing was going to crash. This week last year we had 93k new listings but substantially higher numbers of immediate sales. Those are homes that go on the market and go under contract within a day or two. We have 68k new listings now with around half as many immediate sales. Again all of this is nationwide so take it with a grain of salt when trying to draw a conclusion using those numbers and comparing them to Richmond. We’re a different market than San Francisco or Denver and what is happening locally here vs there isn’t reflected in this data. Some parts of the country are seeing big increases in inventory and considerably higher vacancy rates on rentals that we don’t have here. I’m just sharing this because it’s interesting from a birds eye perspective.
I think this is a pretty good time to point out the obvious that there is a lot going on in the world feeding into this that isn’t housing specific. It’s as good a time as any to segue into how dumb and bad Silicon Valley bank was at being a bank so let’s fuckin go.
 

Do Re Mi, ABC, SVB baby u and me

Silicon Valley Bank mostly served VCs and the tech sector. That’s been their bread and butter for a while now. Banks typically like to keep portions of their investments tied to relatively safe assets or securities like bonds. If you are watching JP at the fed turn the dial on rates up those bonds you now hold are not worth as much. A good bank will diversify the types of bonds (ie a bond ladder) they hold so that they can let some of them grow to maturity while cash out others but not at SVB. So as the rates went up their bonds became worthless right around the time a lot of VCs and tech companies were feeling the pinch and in need of more cash. SVB said they were going to sell some assets at a loss, people got spooked and there was a run on the bank. Within a short time SVB was toast. Luckily there was a bailout that lots of people are claiming was not a bail out because SVB executives weren’t being saved (there was a bailout) so most depositors will be made whole. Since then Janet Yellen has been going “Wow there certainly a lot of questions about my ‘the banking system is sound and secure’ t shirt I’ve been wearing all week”.
 
There were other banks and institutions that have bit the dust or been on shaky ground like Silvergate with their disproportionate exposure to dogecoine or whatever the fuck crypto nonsense they were up to. Credit Suisse had some shitty fund management issues going back years and some absolutely insane storylines involving the Belgian gang cocaine money laundering, the Saudi’s refusing to back it on reports of mismanagement, etc. The point is this is a crisis in the ability of some banks to do very basic bank things. It’s not the same thing as Lehman Brothers, CDS, AIG, credit availability to the average consumer with a pulse being approved for “sky is the limit” loans without asset verification. This is a case of some banks screwed up how they hold bonds which is one of the most boring things to fuck up in that world. They didn’t get struck by a moving vehicle out of nowhere. They put their car in neutral on a .05 degree decline, laid down 20 feet away, and let it roll over them at a snails pace.
 
Fun fact: the CEO of SVB was actually the CFO of Lehman Brothers in the 2008 GFC so lol man oh man talk about falling up.
 
“But gowhatyourself, what does this have to do with housing in Richmond?” You know I’m glad you asked that question Rhetorical Device thank you. It doesn’t directly, but it has introduced a degree of volatility to the bond market and in turn interest rates that, again, has given sellers pause and some lucky buyers a great opportunity to get in at lower rates as they time the fluctuations. I have more to say on that later on.
Markets do not like volatility. Line must go up and in the absence of “up” it must stay flat or decline in a predictable way so that there is enough breathing room to make money on the way down. The house always comes out ahead but when conditions are uncertain things get dicey. That’s part of why SVB went under. The house (Peter Thiel) coordinated a bank run. The economy, just like real estate, is often governed by “vibes”.
 

You get a good job with more pay and you're okay

“So what are the vibes in Richmond gowhatyourself? Home prices are declining! I saw they dropped precipitously in Sacramento!” Yes no kind of not really. Much like politics real estate is both national and hyper local. Trends in inventory and home prices can be looked at broadly as a measure of what the economy is going through as a whole, but it lacks context. Prices have fallen in areas with a lot of tech exposure which have seen layoffs and slow downs so people aren’t paying the same premiums they once were. Again though, it’s context dependent. We didn’t experience the same price shock as some other metro areas. We didn’t see the absolutely bonkers price increases you saw in Austin or Des Moines for example. We also aren’t seeing the same type of correction either. Our home prices have actually stayed relatively flat or have even gone up in some areas of town since last summer. I’m still regularly seeing homes go for some pretty eye watering prices in the fan and near west end, but not so much in say Moseley. Short Pump still has some wild shit happen from time to time too. I, much like many others, cannot for the life of me figure out why 12 Westham Parkway went for 400k over asking.
 
For reference here is a great article on where the current housing correction is most pronounced broken down by different geographical areas. You can go in and select the Richmond region (unfortunately not down to a really granular level to just RVA). The link below bypasses the paywall. The article with the paywall is linked below that just to show it’s something I didn’t mock up out of the blue.
 
Fortune Housing Market Update
https://fortune.com/2023/03/13/housing-market-update-home-price-correction-told-by-six-charts-and-maps-data-real-estate/
 
Again, context matters. Scarcity matters. Buyer appetite and their motivations matter.
The motivation matters because some buyers aren’t entirely on board with getting the process started, but have their hand forced because landlords think they can squeeze more out of their tenants. I cannot count the number of people I’ve spoken to in the last month that have told me their rent is being raised by some obscene amount with landlords giving the excuse of “Oh yeah my costs are rising”. Buddy your costs to do what refuse to replace air filters or something because you aren’t doing shit in the best of times? Buyers just take a deep breath hold their nose and start making the necessary moves to purchase a home. Landlords don’t care because they can and will raise rent even more if those people bail so it’s a win for them regardless. At least for now until vacancy rates start to rise like they are in other parts of the country where people decided that building more housing was a thoughtful prudent thing to do.
 
I know landlords read these real estate threads and I’m not trying to paint you all with the same brush I’m kind of sure that not all of you are blood sucking sociopaths. AirBnB owners can get fucked though.
 

'Till the tears run down from my eyes, Lord

At this point I’d like to walk you through the process for one of my buyers (With their permission!) that started their journey back in December. I think it took a rather interesting arc that illustrates a lot of trends going on in real estate right now. When we first spoke they gave me their list of wants and needs so I did the usual thing of sending them things to look over and then put them on an automated search that went out daily. I was still checking on the portal every day and tweaking things here and there (“Hmm what if we go back a few years on the build date or look a little more east…” that kind of thing). We were casting an extremely wide net. South of the river from 288 all the way down to around Courthouse Road at 288 out west to about the Richmond Zoo. 500k or less built in the last 25 years. That is an absolutely massive area. They had certain preferences for what they wanted in the home of course. Some natural light, a halfway decent kitchen, and some square footage to spread out in but there was nothing they told me that was so hyper specific that it should have been difficult to find anything. Boy I was wrong.
 
We would go weeks without seeing anything come on the market. I think we only went out maybe once in January because there was just nothing and even then what we toured wasn’t worth the drive for either of us. When something did go live we’d go take a look at it and jointly agree that it just wasn’t even worth offering on. Usually it was because the home had not been kept up with which is something you find more often than you’d think. People buy/build new homes then assume they don’t need to do anything to it so they never change their air filters, clean the gutters, etc. There was one home we saw that was built in 2017 and I swear to god I don’t think they had ever changed the air filters anywhere. The HVAC system sounded it like it had been chain smoking Marlboro reds for the last 5 years and when I popped open the air return dust and dirt had completely caked over causing a near total blockage of air flow. Sometimes we’d go and find out a home had solar panels that had not or would not be paid off at closing. What buyer is going to cover $40k worth of solar panels at closing? The point is they weren’t being picky or anything there just wasn’t anything that really worked.
 
Weeks and months went by with nothing to really put an offer on, but at the same time we also weren’t losing out on anything either. Homes were still going under contract quickly we just didn’t see a reason to bite on any of them. The week SVB went under I started watching the 10 year bond dip and poking around just outside the MLS area they had been looking at because I felt if there was ever a time to stretch the parameters it’s now if rates drop abruptly over the weekend. Bingo. I found something that checked almost all of their boxes. We toured the home. They loved it. I hit up their lender to see where rates were and if he was seeing movement trending down. Between the beginning of the week and when we went under contract their rate had gone down almost a full percentage point. After months of wandering the stars aligned and we were set. No escalation clauses, no waiving inspections or waiving the appraisal. Just a fair purchase price on a cleanly written offer and a 30 day close.
 
The listing agent tried to do the whole “My sellers are out of town and need to review in two days” and I just went “nah lady you used Authentisign for the DPOR form you can present this now thanks.” So she caved and she did. For the record it was almost impossible to bully sellers like this last year. They’d just tell you to pound sand and get in line.
 
Some of what I mentioned above wasn’t really the case a few years ago. There was a lot more competition and even though right now the data was clearly showing there were more homes being listed nationally than there had been in previous years we just weren’t seeing it where we were looking. That whole part of town either locked in their purchase around 3% or they re-financed and planned on staying put. That’s just how the burbs be sometimes.
 
The point of all of this isn’t to say “WoooOOOwww I’m SUCH a good agent” it’s that the market is doing really funky things and ultimately it’s possible to get into something you want if you are patient and strategic. Plan accordingly! If you are thinking of doing something this year get your ducks in a row now so that when opportunities like that present themselves you know what you want and you can act decisively. Talk to Grace and sort out what your financing is going to be. Figure out if you want to break a lease early and if there are any penalties or if you’re free and clear with 60 days notice. Confirm with your soulless middle manager at cap one that you are locked into WFH so you can shop south of 288 without fear of reprisals via shit traffic engineering.
 
One last thing I want to cover before I turn things over to Grace is what happened with new construction following my last post in January. At the time what we were seeing in the industry were home builders struggling to make their numbers because longer lead times vs resale were hampering their ability to keep fidgety buyers watching rates rise under contract. Homes were being cancelled and people were backing out at alarming rates. So here I have to hand it to the builders. They saw where they had leverage and pounced in some pretty creative ways. Many builders have in house financing (NVR Mortgage and Ryan Homes for example) so some of them started doing things like aggressively offering free rate buy downs, or holding steady on pricing and offering deep incentives like hey sign now and you get 15k in free kitchen upgrades (at 2k cost to us). I saw home builders offering free trips to resorts to agents who brought them a buyer who signed on the dotted line. Commission offerings from builders went up. They pulled all the right levers and captured a lot of people who had been sitting on the sidelines through the winter. Some builders found that fairly mild price cuts were all you needed to do to get people through the door again. The builders just have leverage in ways traditional sellers either are unwilling to take advantage of or simply cannot compete with.
 
As promised here are some Deep Thoughts with our lord and savior of rva lending u/gracetw22 :

Just some quick thoughts for where I see mortgages moving:

1. After the most recent federal reserve meeting, Jerome Powell’s comments seemed to indicate that they were slowing down the rate of federal funds increases, and believes that the current amount of credit tightening is more than the current inflation data shows, so the fed intends to wait to see what the current changes cause before continuing on. The fed indicates to expect one additional rate increase this year and expects slightly lower rates next year. This does NOT directly impact your mortgage rate, but it does tend to follow similar patterns to what DOES impact your mortgage rate. Love to hear it.
   
2. Getting MUCH less press but what will be MUCH more impactful to your mortgage rate is the strong stance the federal government is taking in policy as it pertains to mortgages. Remember, the only reason that a 30 year fixed rate mortgage exists is BECAUSE of the secondary market for them and the government entities that manage that. Private loans that are not sold on these markets are historically 2-3% higher. The federal housing finance agency and house finance committees have made a number of decisions lately that signal the government is moving their policy on mortgages away from a risk based model: the riskier the loan, the more expensive, and more toward a social service type model: the less help you need from us, the more expensive. As of right now, someone making less than 80% of the area median income is getting the same rate that someone with an 800 score and 50% down would receive REGARDLESS of credit score, down payment, property type, etc. Someone with a 740 score who makes over that 80% limit is paying a higher rate comparatively than they were 2 months ago. More detail here: https://www.reddit.com/RealEstate/comments/10kc155/new_loan_level_pricing_adjustments_fo Where do I see that going? Higher earners are going to increasingly have the best available rates from banks that are lending their own money or brokers that run with very minimal overhead.
   

 
So that’s a wrap. If you made it this far thank you very much for your time an attention. I hope this was an entertaining and informative read. I’ll answer questions where I can and you all can advocate about how we should line 95 with the crucified bodies of would-be carpetbaggers from NOVA pricing everyone out of the market. You can howl into the nothing about how we need zoning changes and higher density residential construction. Housing bears feel free to doom-say away and everyone who hates real estate agents get in line behind me because you don't hate them more than I do.

Steam Profile: https://steamcommunity.com/id/zicnarf
SteamRep: https://steamrep.com/profiles/76561198119381224
FEEL FREE TO CHECK COMMENTS ON MY STEAM PROFILE
2016 CACHE

Nightsilver's Resolve	LUNA (1)	10$
Heir of Terror	BANE (1)	10$

2017 CACHE

Sovereign of the Kray Legions	SAND KING	12$
Cunning Corsair	RIKI	10$
Mechalodon Interdictor	GYROCOPTER	10$
Corruption of the Virulent Krait	VENOMANCER	15$
Shadowforce Gale	LUNA	8$
Secrets of the Katekhein	WINTER WYVERN	8$
Abyssal Vortex	ENIGMA	10$
Rumrunner's Carronade	BREWMASTER	10$
Eternal Testament	DEATH PROPHET	12$
The Dread Prophet	NATURE's PROPHET	8$
Elder Convergence	JAKIRO	5$

2018 CACHE

Dread Ascendance	DOOM	15$
Raiments of the Obsidian Forge	UNDERLORD	10$
Raptures of the Abyssal Kin	QUEEN OF PAIN	5$
Visions of the Lifted Veil	PHANTOM ASSASSIN	15$
Forlorn Descent	UNDYING	10$
Molokau Stalker	VENOMANCER	3$
Morbific Provision	WITCH DOCTOR	8$
Cruelties of the Spiral Bore	MAGNUS	15$
Loaded Prospects	BREWMASTER	5$
Ire of Molten Rebirth	PHOENIX	5$
Fires of the Volcanic Guard	EMBER SPIRIT	5$
Stonemarch Sovereign	WRAITH KING	15$
Third Awakening	DRAGON KNIGHT	10$
Shimmer of the Anointed	NYX ASSASSIN	5$
Pattern of the Silken Queen	BROODMOTHER	5$
Fate Meridian	INVOKER	15$
Legends of Darkheart Pursuit	NIGHT STALKER	130$

2019 CACHE

Endless Night	ABADDON	10$
Sight of the Kha-Ren Faithful	DROW RANGER	8$
Prized Acquisitions	BATRIDER	5$
Verdant Predator	VENOMANCER	5$
Dapper Disguise	PUDGE	15$
Directive of the Sunbound	CLOCKWERK	5$
Grim Destiny	WRAITH KING	10$
Distinguished Expeditionary	TUSK	10$
Fowl Omen	NECROPHOS	10$
Automaton Antiquity	BROODMOTHER	5$
Fury of the Bloodforge	BLOODSEEKER	8$
Tales of the Windward Rogue	PANGOLIER	15$
Cinder Sensei	EMBER SPIRIT	40$
Souls Tyrant	SHADOW FIEND	20$
Tribal Pathways	WARLOCK	5$
Gothic Whisper	PHANTOM ASSASSIN	45$
Scorched Amber	DRAGON KNIGHT	8$
Forbidden Medicine	DAZZLE	12$
Echoes of the Everblack	ABADDON	8$
Adornments of the Jade Emissary	EARTH SPIRIT	10$
Curse of the Creeping Vine	UNDYING	8$
Appetites of the Lizard King	SLARK	12$
Riddle of the Hierophant	ORACLE	5$
Allure of the Faeshade Flower	DARK WILLOW	10$
Poacher's Bane	TIDEHUNTER	8$
The Arts of Mortal Deception	ENIGMA	5$
Defender of Ruin	DISRUPTOR	10$
Glimmer of the Sacred Hunt	DROW RANGER	15$
Priest of the Proudsilver Clan	CHEN	8$
Paean of the Ink Dragon	GRIMSTROKE	10$
Pursuit of the Ember Demons	HUSKAR	10$

2020 CACHE

Flashpoint Proselyte	HUSKAR	10$
Ancient Inheritance	TINY	10$
Heartless Hunt	BOUNTY HUNTER	10$
Herald of the Ember Eye	GRIMSTROKE	5$
The King Of Thieves	KEEPER OF THE LIGHT	5$
Ire of the Ancient Gaoler	ARC WARDEN	12$
Horror from the Deep	TIDEHUNTER	12$
Crown of Calaphas	SHADOW DEMON	8$
Steward of the Forbidden Chamber	TEMPLAR ASSASSIN	10$
Evolution of the Infinite	ENIGMA	5$
Blacksail Cannoneer	SNIPER	8$
Secrets of the Celestial	SKYWRATH	5$
Signs of the Allfather	NATURE's PROPHET	5$
Fury of the Righteous Storm	DISRUPTOR	5$
Beast of the Crimson Ring	BRISTLEBACK	10$
Forsworn Legacy	MARS	15$
Mindless Slaughter	PUDGE	8$
Talons of the Endless Storm	CHAOS KNIGHT	5$
Clearcut Cavalier	TIMBERSAW	5$
Lineage of the Stormlords	JUGGERNAUT	15$
Songs of Starfall Glen	ENCHANTRESS	5$
Fissured Flight	JAKIRO	5$
Apocalypse Unbound	ANCIENT APPARITION	5$
Silent Slayer	SILENCER	10$
Carousal of the Mystic Masquerade	RUBICK	5$
Glory of the Elderflame	LINA	12$
Spirit of the Sacred Grove	-	-
Fissured Flight	JAKIRO	5$
Beholden of the Banished Ones	WARLOCK	5$
Origin of the Dark Oath	NIGHT STALKER	8$
Blaze of Oblivion	PHOENIX	5$
Ravenous Abyss	UNDERLORD	10$

Selling my sets for below mentioned price in items.
Feel free to add me/discuss.
Why u should trust me ?
Sold over 1000 TI6/TI7/TI8/TI9/TI10/Nemestice/Aghanim's/Diretide 2022 Collector's
Proof of gifting Caches Sets?
Check comments on my profile & check their inventory for my sets gifted by me.
Buyer always goes first or we can use middleman from this Sub.
Also, why would scam ? I got like 800+ cache sets to sell.
Profile https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198107212373

Diretide 2022 Collector's Cache

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Shadowleaf Insurgent	Hoodwink	20+	$15
Scarlet Subversion	Riki	20+	$15
Whippersnapper	Snapfire	20+	$10
Hounds of Obsession	Chen	20+	$10
Seadog's Stash	Clockwork	20+	$10
Starlorn Adjudicator	Dawnbreaker	20+	$15
Spoils of the Shadowveil	Spectre	20+	$15
Chines of the Inquisitor	Faceless Void	20+	$10
Trophies of the Hallowed Hunt	Ursa	20+	$10
Crimson Dawn	Phoenix	20+	$10
Forgotten Station	Terrorblade	20+	$15
Dirge Amplifier	Undying	20+	$15
Champion of the Fire Lotus	Monkey King	20+	$10
Deathstitch Shaman	Witch Doctor	20+	$10
Blue Horizons	Marci	20+	$30
Angel of Vex	Invoker	20+	$35
Dark Behemoth	Primal Beast	20+	$50

Aghanim's 2021 Collector's Cache

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Silverwurm Sacrifice	Dragon Knight	22	$20
Scales of the Shadow Walker	Phantom Lancer	23	$15
Perception of the First Light	Dawnbreaker	22	$15
Apex Automated	Clockwerk	22	$15
Test of the Basilisk Lord	Razor	25	$10
Secrets of the Frost Singularity	Ancient Apparition	23	$8
Perils of the Red Banks	Chen	22	$10
The Chained Scribe	Grimstroke	24	$10
Widow of the Undermount Gloom	Broodmother	23	$10
Forgotten Fate	Mars	22	$5
March of the Crackerjack Mage	Rubick	24	$10
Cosmic Concoctioneers	Alchemist	23	$20
Days of the Demon	Axe	22	$10
Blightfall	Abaddon	23	$15
Pyrexae Polymorph Perfected	Ogre Magi	25	$35
Wrath of the Celestial Sentinel	Chaos Knight	8	$60

Nemestice Collector's Cache 2021

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Twilight Hex	Dark Willow	23	15$
Litany of the Damned	Doom	24	15$
Astral Terminus	Enigma	23	10$
Caerulean Star	Enchantress	22	8$
Arcane Inverter	Gyrocopter	22	20$
Creed of the Skullhound	Lycan	22	25$
Desert Bloom	Nature's Prophet	23	20$
Silence of the Starweaver	Oracle	23	10$
Eyriebound Imperator	Skywrath Mage	23	10$
Anthozoan Assault	Tiny	23	25$
Vision of the Seraph Scion	Vengeful Spirit	23	35$
Defender of the Brumal Crest	Winter Wyvern	10	10$
Red Sands Marauder	Shadow Shaman	23	20$
Indomitable Legacy	Sven	23	60$
Footfalls of the Sporefathers	Witch Doctor	12	60$

Collector's Cache I 2020

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Ravenous Abyss	Underlord	20+	$10
Apocalypse Unbound	AA	20+	$10
Beholden of the Banished Ones	Warlock	20+	$5
Fury of the Righteous Storm	Disruptor	20+	$5
Lineage of the Stormlords	Juggernaut	20+	$35
Silent Slayer	Silencer	20+	$10
Mindless Slaughter	Pudge	20+	$20
Heartless Hunt	Bounty	20+	$10
Herald of the Ember Eye	Grimstroke	20+	$10
Fissured Flight	Jakiro	20+	$5
Flashpoint Proselyte	Husker	20+	$15
Signs of the Allfather	Nature prophet	20+	$15
Glory of the Elderflame	Lina	20+	$25
Origin of the Dark Oath	Night Stalker	6	$25
Songs of Starfall Glen	Enchantress	20+	$5
Ancient Inheritance	Tiny	20+	$30
Forsworn Legacy	mars	20+	$50

Collector's Cache II 2020

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Evolution of the Infinite	Enigma	20+	$6
Beast of the Crimson Ring	bristle back	20+	$10
Clearcut Cavalier	Timber	20+	$6
The King Of Thieves	Keeper of light	20+	$10
Horror from the Deep	Tide	20+	$20
Ire of the Ancient Gaoler	Arc warden	20+	$25
Talons of the Endless Storm	chaos knight	20+	$15
Carousal of the Mystic Masquerade	Rubick	20+	$6
Crown of Calaphas	Shadow demon	20+	$10
Wrath of the Fallen	doom	20+	$20
Blacksail Cannoneer	Sniper	20+	$10
Secrets of the Celestial 📷	Skywrath mage	20+	$5
Blaze of Oblivion	Phoenix	20+	$6
Steward of the Forbidden Chamber	Templar Assassin	20+	$25
Claszureme Incursion	Void	20+	70$

Collector's Cache 2019

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Echoes of the Everblack	Abaddon	19	15$
Paean of the Ink Dragon	Grimstroke	18	10$
Scorched Amber	Dragon Knight	20	20$
Allure of the Faeshade Flower	Dark Willow	1 M*	25$
Priest of the Proudsilver Clan	Chen	18	10$
The Arts of Mortal Deception	Enigma	21	10$
Poacher's Bane	Tidehunter	20	10$
Soul of the Brightshroud	Death Prophet	21	10$
Curse of the Creeping Vine	Undying	21	20$
Appetites of the Lizard King	Slark	18	25$
Riddle of the Hierophant	Oracle	20	10$
Defender of Ruin	Disruptor	22	25$

​

Collector's Cache II 2019

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Sight of the Kha-Ren Faithful	Drow Ranger	31	15$
Tribal Pathways	Warlock	30	10$
Directive of the Sunbound	Clockwerk	31	10$
Endless Night	Abaddon	30	10$
Dapper Disguise	Pudge	27	15$
Fury of the Bloodforge	Bloodseeker	30	10$
Automaton Antiquity	Broodmother	31	10$
Grim Destiny	Wraith King	29	10$
Distinguished Expeditionary	Tusk	30	10$
Verdant Predator	Venomancer	31	10$
Prized Acquisitions	Batrider	31	5$
Fowl Omen	Necrophos	34	30$

The International 2018 Collector's Cache I

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Trail of the Sanguine Spectrum	Bloodseeker	20	8$
Insights of the Sapphire Shroud	Dark Seer	18	4$
Pillar of the Fractured Citadel	Spirit Breaker	21	$5
The Murid Divine	Necrophos	22	15$
Primer of the Sapper's Guile	Techies	22	10$
Molokau Stalker	Venomancer	21	$10
Morbific Provision	Witch Doctor	22	10$
Raptures of the Abyssal Kin	Queen of Pain	20	15$
Grasp of the Riven Exile	Weaver	20	5$

The International 2018 Collector's Cache II

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Pitmouse Fraternity	Meepo	37	10$
Fires of the Volcanic Guard	Ember Spirit	37	10$
Shackles of the Enduring Conscript	Axe	37	6$
Shimmer of the Anointed	Nyx Assassin	29	5$
Loaded Prospects	Brewmaster	39	15$
Ire of Molten Rebirth	Phoenix	36	10$
Pattern of the Silken Queen	Broodmother	26	5$
The Rat King	Chen	28	10$
Raiments of the Obsidian Forge	Underlord	22	20$

The International 2017 Collector's Cache

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Eternal Testament	Death prophet M*	19	15$
Rumrunner's Carronade	Brew master	20	15$
Abyssal Vortex	Enigma	27	10$
Samareen Sacrifice	Huskar	22	10$
Pressure Regulator	Clockwerk M*	24	20$
Spoils of the Vodou Rover	Witch Doctor	27	10$
Shadowforce Gale	Luna	24	10$
Mechalodon Interdictor	Gyrocopter	27	10$
The Dread Prophet	Nature's Prophet	23	20$
Cunning Corsair	Riki	24	20$

The International 2016 Collector's Cache

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Rising Glory	Magnus	1 M*	20$
Nightsilver's Resolve	luna	2 M* dtygod*	20$
Oni Knight the Dark Conqueror	Chaos Knight	2 dtygod* dopey*	20$

I am no longer entertaining joy riders so I prefer you give $3 in items when u add me as deposit.
Those $3 will be subtracted from you're total sets cost.
Don't add me if you don't like the prices.
​

• prices are subject to change.*
• sets may go out of stock even if you're waiting for one if someone else buys it before you.*

*if you don't reserve the sets.