It took me until I was almost 26 to realize my mother in a narcissist. I’ve held on to a lot of resentment for her over the years, and it’s getting to the point that I can’t physically stand being near her without feeling this nonstop frustration and like I’m going to blow up any second. It started happening after I had my daughter, and couldn’t fathom doing the things my mom did to me, or treat her the way I was treated.
Last April it came to a head and my husband and I decided to move across the country to his home state. Well, we ended up being there for about 8 months, and my husband was offered an amazing job back in my home state, that would solve all of our financial problems. We loaded up and came back, but have been staying with my parents for two months while we look for a place. We should only be here another month, but it’s slowly making me more and more depressed.
I’ve decided after we move, I want to try and go LC and eventually NC with my mother. I’ve accepted that it means I’ll probably lose 90% of my family doing this, as my mom has everyone under the impression she’s a wonderful mother and wife. The issue I’m having is, all of the problems and crappy things my mom has done to my little sister, my dad, and myself over the years have never been brought up after they blew over. We just pretended everything was fine. She probably thinks that we don’t remember any of it, but we definitely do and struggle everyday. I’m struggling to hold it together and it’s getting harder and harder.
How do I begin LC/NC when all of the abuse, neglect, lying hasn’t been brought up all these years? Do I send an email to my parents listing everything that’s happened and just drop the bomb on them? My dad is an amazing dad and husband, he is also unfortunately an enabler and would cut me out the second he reads it. I’ve accepted that, but it sucks. I was also thinking about going to both sets of grandparents and explaining the situation to them, because they have no idea any of this was going on, and I’m sick of my mom playing the part of happy wife happy mother when she’s the worst person I’ve ever met in my life. Ugh I just wish I had a normal mother and didn’t have to deal with this.

Does anyone know the best place to watch the FA Cup final tomorrow? Didnt see anything on Nomad's page about the game and they aren't picking up their phone.
thanks in advance!

Hi everyone!
tl:dr
Who wants to join my private track days this year?

• 12-person private track day at Thunderhill East (open format) 6/15 (SOLD OUT)
• 12-person private track day at Thunderhill East (open format) 9/21 for $700
• Laguna Seca for a 70-person (two 30-minute sessions) 105dB day 10/16 for $650

Long time lurker here, finally posting on Reddit. Normally, I publicize these events on FB, local forums, or through email only. However, due to the special nature of my events this year, I wanted to put it out there to see who might want to join. Ultimately, I'd like to turn these into invite only events, but we'll see how it goes.
I've been hosting private track events in NorCal for the past 3 years for ZERO PROFIT. I never aim to make money off these events, only to cover some incidentals, I am not a business nor a provider.
The basic gist was that a bunch of my friends wanted more low-volume events in a more intimate setting with better quality riders so the risk was as low as possible and track time was maximized as much as possible.
Those who have attended my past events, know I take this very seriously. I make sure all track contracts have all the services we require for safety and staffing and I've taken out a $5,000,000 insurance policy just for Laguna. We've had AFM/AMA/MA racers attend past events and I have recurring providers such as RacePace Motorsports, Dave Moss Tuning, and Oxymoron Photography supporting these events.
I should also mention that both of the Thunderhill dates directly precede AFM race weekends, so it's a good opportunity to get much needed track time, test new setups, and practice for endurance since they are OPEN format.
If you're interested, please DM me.

Hey all,
I am working as an engineering intern for a company in Chelmsford MA and have been assigned with researching different laser machines for our acrylic cutting/engraving needs. I have been looking at a few machines such as Epilog, Rayjet, etc., But the Boss LS-3655 seems to be a great middle of the road option in terms of pricing while still having great features.
That being said, I am trying to set up a demo session with a Boss machine of any size, so long as it is a CO2 with similar features to the LS series, but unfortunately Boss only runs demos at their headquarters in Florida. I have reached out directly to ask if its possible to set something up with a local user, and they said that they've had customers demo machines before, but he was not authorized to give out information on any specific people/places.
I figured this might be a decent place to start my search for people in MA who would be willing to demo their machine.
Thanks!

Hey guys,
So I got off the waitlist at NYU (Liberal Studies Core) and I start in Jan 2024. I already paid my deposit for UW Madison(Economics). Now I'm confused as to where to go. For context, I'd like to land up in either Finance or Tech. I'll keep it short, at UWM, I'm confident I can transfer into the business school, and effectively major in CS+Business. While Madison is not the best business school, its a great CS AND Economics school. Also, Madison is not in the best location, not many tech or finance companies in the area, and the biggest recruiter is epic. NYU on the other hand, one of the BEST business AND economics schools, but the CS is middling. New York as a city is one of the most diverse places and it has a myriad of companies from finance to tech. But, I have to waste 2 years of my 4 years studying useless courses and then I don't even get a guaranteed transfer to Stern to major in business, whereas in Wisconsin I can transfer quite easily.
I just wanted to listen to a few opinions. Where should I go? I open to hustle, and I am willing to put in the work. I don't fret from social events and I'm willing to go the extra mile, but it just seems like the 2 years of taking worthless courses at NYU is a waste of time unless I spend all my time interning at companies, whereas at UWM I can learn so much because it's also such a flexible school. I know I can't go wrong with this decision, but I just want more info.
Thoughts?

https://a.webull.com/oHuteW04uNOyuUK579
1) Must have valid ID not expired. If you don't have bank account I can help out with a free one. I only pay once deposit settles (3-4 business days) Do not ask for payment before. No exceptions. I have payproof/referral proof.
Instructions
2) Sign up with my link, Download Webull app, open Webull app press Open Account at bottom, once Account approved go and open the Webull app and press Deposit at the bottom of app, link your bank and deposit a penny. If you have ID and no bank account message me.
Serious inquiries only.
Ive received Google,Apple,Spotify,Snapchat,Ford stocks and more.
Act now! Get your moneybag 💰💰💰💰

I got divorced a year ago and my town is really bad about pet policies, to the point that when I moved out there were no available places that allowed pets. There are a few places available now and I was considering moving, but I realized that with as much as it would cost to move, it wouldn't hurt to ask my landlord to make an exception. I want to be reasonable. As landlords go he's not a bad guy and I'd like to stay here if possible. I'm having a hard time starting this conversation, but I asked an AI for help and I made a few adjustments to the answer it gave me. This is what I got:
"Hi, [Landlord]. This is [me] from [my apartment]. I know when we signed the lease, you said no pets. But I would like to have a cat. Is there any possibility for us to discuss this? I understand that your goal is to protect your investment, and I'm more than happy to pay more to cover any costs that might arise as a result of the cat. I would be willing to pay an extra deposit so that our current deposit can be enough to replace the carpets if needed, as well as paying pet rent. As tenants go, we are very clean people. Keeping the apartment from smelling like cats is important to me and I have been successful with this whenever I have had cats before. I would also be willing to replace blinds upon moving out if the cat causes any damage to them. Is that something that could work for you? If not, that's fine, but I figured it couldn't hurt to ask."
I'm really nervous about this. I want this conversation to go well and I want to be respectful about it. Is there anything that needs changing in this and am I out of line for asking at all?

I survived a domestic violence assault over a year ago and my entire life changed in many ways for the better. The friends who stayed, I have a deeper relationship with and I have new friends in my life now. It is just disheartening to realize the people you surrounded yourself with previously were bad for you.
Since my divorce is being finalized, and it's been a long time since I dated, when my long-time gym crush approached me I was shocked he even thought I was cute. We've been training at the same place for over a year now but barely ever talked. He started approaching me a bit before he was moving away.
I think for the both of us because I am slightly older [30F, 22M], it felt safe for him to open up to me. It also felt safe for me to spend time with him because I thought he was just after a hookup and he was moving away. I find I struggle relationally with older men right now because I find often they treat me like the manic pixie archetype or they are looking for commitment but I really cannot offer that right now. I live like a student due to the divorce debts and look young.
I thought the hangouts was him trying to love bomb me but I realized if I was a younger woman, I would have loved his openness. Instead, I felt immediately triggered by his affection and my attraction toward him. We had similar type of humour and could talk for hours. He was really interesting in the way he observed the world, I could tell he was really sensitive.
When he divulged that he struggled last year too, I immediately became a bit defensive questioning his intentions. I think I ended up hurting his feelings. Neither of us expected to connect so well in the time we spent together, we were never physically intimate but the chemistry started to really build over the few days.
For a bit I was upset he was slow ghosting me and thought he was unreliable but I realized that it was me who probably made him feel bad. After talking to my friends and my therapist, I realized he was probably embarrassed I was not reciprocating and he is young so his feelings are extra strong. He didn't cross boundaries and was very sweet. He didn't seem that young to me, he had a career and a car. He was really mature towards people in groups and I always see him be helpful to the younger members of the gym.
I didn't accuse him of slow ghosting and I told him I felt bad for the way I reacted. I told him I am just a bit complicated with how I respond to connection with what happened to me. I really like him as a person and wish I knew him sooner. I haven't heard anything back yet since he probably needs a lot of time to process since my previous text was that I thought maybe he was busy before his move or I seemed more confrontational about wanting to talk in person but he didn't do anything that made me feel bad. I realized before he may have thought he made me feel unsafe with his flirtation.
I didn't really tell him this part but I wish I had kissed him in the car at least and didn't question him so much but I get so scared now when people take a strong interest in me that seems genuine. I get scared of my own feelings too. I wish I was still fun to date but it made me realize, I was avoiding intimacy by engaging in something that was probably a dead end. I get sad thinking about how I used to be shocked when a guy I thought was cute was interested in me. It really speaks to how bad my self-esteem is.
I got freaked out when we were talking about life and what we wanted. He said something about how he rarely finds women attractive on a different level and likes people who live their life fully. He said he sees this in me. It should have been a good compliment but I immediately was like you have NO IDEA who I am or the details of my life. Somewhat true but at the same time, he just spent time opening up about his own life and I was zero receptive. I was suspicious he thought I was a strong person and interesting. My therapist says of course he will think he rarely finds women attractive when he shut down for a bit due to trauma and has only had 1 girlfriend. That's normal for his age.
Maybe this is the last interaction we'll have but he has a habit of being gone for a few months and moving back. He did say he was coming back to visit often but it was a short connection that really taught me a lot. It was a positive experience for me but I hope I did not hurt him in the process since I have a lot of big complicated feelings now due to my traumas.

Does anyone recommend a good cleaning service for a one bedroom apartment? All the places I look up have a "home" cleaning option with a minimum of 3 hours, which is total overkill. I don't need to pay $200 to have my 700 SQ foot apartment cleaned. I would like to find a nice local business to support, so any recs would be appreciated.

New E1 Pro user.
Quick background on my past usage and current needs:
I was using NetCam Studio with an older Foscam camera. While I was using it to monitor my little kids a bit, the main reason I had this setup was to monitor a large field of view (central traffic) area in my house when we are gone for weeks during the summer. The old Foscam didn't have great technology built in being like a 12 year old camera, and NCS left a lot to be desired in how I could filter motion.
In short what I wanted was simply to capture any (legitimate) motion in this field of view. What I consider legitimate motion is a person, since no one should be in the area. Unfortunately, I got a LOT of false positives, mostly from light (both morning light coming through shades, and a light which is on an away schedule), and sometimes through dust particles or insects. I found that in order to detect people reliably I needed to have the sensitivity options at the point where these were all issues. I think part of the issue was the low FPS (average around 7), which is one reason I wanted to upgrade to a newer camera.
The E1 Pro is definitely an upgrade, but far from perfect. NCS still only seems to capture with half the framerate to other options (Reolink Client, VLC, other tested "paid" softwares). And, anyway, it seems like the build in functions of the camera are probably superior to what NCS was capable of doing anyway.
How I currently have the camera configured (suggestions please for tweaking):
- Motion detection set all the way to high (50)
- Smart detection (people and pets) set to 60. I really only care about detecting people (including my 10 year olds, although that is mostly for testing as I expect larger children will break in, if any). I'm a bit confused about the best place to set these. I figure since this is an indoor camera and there shouldn't really be anything moving inside except for people when I'm gone I want a higher value. I didn't know if going to 100 was too high or recommended?
- Alarm Delay - 0 seconds. I tried to set this higher to avoid false positives from lights coming on and off in the dark. This triggers the camera switching between day an night LED modes which very often triggers a motion alert. Even though the light going on and off is fast (the speed of light I would guess?), the camera doesn't compensate for its own adjusting which can appear to take 1-2 seconds when live viewing. Even setting delay to 3 didn't seem to eliminate these entirely, and I wasn't willing to have a delay that high because it is probably possible to move through the entire field of view in that time.
The above is all pretty good in terms of actually tracking people, but still lots of false positive in light change.
I have my push/email alerts to only send however when people are detected, and that seems to work.
I am not recording to SD card, but rather using the only other option the E1 Pro has which is the Reolink client running on a PC (as a service). I see the SD card schedule option on record can do "Any Motion, Person, or Pet." Unfortunately the Reolink client doesn't have this feature. I don't know if oversight or if there is some fundamental technology issue? What this means is that I continue to get a bunch of false positive recordings from the client, but I am only actually notified if it is a person.
I think I can live with this as I don't see a better option (do you?). I'm considering swapping the E1 Pro for the E1 Zoom which has FTP and it appears from screenshots the FTP option can be granularly configured for the categories.
For my situation, based on the current camera choices (not going out and spending $$), are my settings the best I can hope for? Any thoughts on how I can better tune?

This is a popular notion, though it's more of a colloquial metaphor in modern times.
Go back a couple hundred years and it's a much more literal idea.
​
Humans used to brew their own beer and wine in their homes. For some cultures, a newly married couple would be gifted fermentation vessels and equipment for their homes. But more than that, people would pass down their active yeast cultures from generation to generation. They would store extra yeast in yeast logs, yeast rings and other vessels and equipment.
This made new fermentation processes easier. Simply dip the active cultures in the brew and the fermentation process is jumpstarted. They had bloodlines (yeast lines?) of the same cultures of yeast for generations, sometimes going back hundreds of years.
In that way humans would truly drink with their ancestors. The same microbial colonies that fermented their drinks is fermenting your drinks now. Ancestral yeast passed down from family to family.
I believe there is more to it than simply easting the same food. There's memory in microbes, especially fungus. It becomes a part of the microbiome. Most ancient cultures didn't fully filter out their beers. The yeast provided valuable nutrients and protein. It was a much fuller source of food and integral to surviving the winter or long voyages. (I've talked about this before, but on top of drinking the yeast, they used a lot of medicinal plants and herbs in their beers so that their beer was highly nutritious and medicinal)
Of course today we've lost that. Beer is made with only a couple of different grains or wheats, the yeast is filtered out completely and the cleaning methods for brewing beer is essentially to bleach everything and they add chemicals to deactivate the yeast process. It's become an industrial process when before it was a spiritual and religious process.
They believed yeast was a miracle, that it came from the heavens, or spirits or gods. It was a magical process that converted food and water into the drink of the gods, helping to build community and health.
Hospitality was centered around the breaking and sharing of bread and wine/beer to the guest. Sharing a meal (microbes) was how people came close. Eating is the most communal activity humans can partake in.
​
Here are some interesting articles for further reading
https://medievalmeadandbeer.wordpress.com/2019/05/04/scandinavian-yeast-logs-yeast-rings/
https://www.exploreyeast.com/what-is-yeast/yeast-one-of-humankinds-oldest-ingredients/
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-49262255
https://www.soegjobs.com/ancient-hospitality-customs/
https://stacker.com/food-drink/history-fermentation-around-world
https://mattersjournal.com/stories/fermentingillustratedhistory

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My (26F) mom (54F) passed away in March from liver failure. I have a lot of people who care about me in my life, and I'm so grateful for that. They have been there to support me in this loss, and I know a lot of people don't have that. But I still feel so lonely.
My friends offer their "I'm so sorry"s when I'm having a down day, but it falls so flat compared to how devastated I'm feeling. It also feels like people are forgetting that she only passed away 2.5 months ago. One of my best friends showed me these mother's day cards she designed; I told her I'm trying to avoid mother's day things, and she acted like she had completely forgotten my mom is dead. Another very close friend has a parent who is dealing with cancer, and while it's comforting to have someone who understands part of this process of watching a parent die, she's in a very different place than me. She's anxious, and worried about her sick parent; not in a place to really support me with my mom who is already gone. My husband is exceptional at taking care of me when I'm down, but I feel that he just doesn't *get* it.
I'm realizing most of all though, no one will ever love me like my mom did. She was so incredibly empathetic in general, but she felt my pain so closely when my kitty of 16 years passed last year. She cried for me for weeks just to see me so devastated from that loss. No one will ever cry for me again. No mother is going to let me lay in their lap as they stroke my hair again. Despite our differences, we understood each other at such a deep level. We had so many of the same quirks and silly personalities that I won't ever find in a motherly figure again. I don't think anyone will ever care about me that much again. I want my mommy.

I sort of understand the breeding process but is the only way to actually get the 50SV tems in the first place to hunt and capture wild tems until they pop up? 7 individual tems, one perfect in each stat?
Is there no way to influence the outcome? If not how many hours would you say it takes in total to breed a perfect tem?

Friday, May 26 - Thursday, June 01

Top 10 Posts

score	comments	title & link
47	3 comments	Pariah - Orpheus
24	2 comments	Leon Vynehall - Black Dove [Tune of the summer(?)]
20	5 comments	Surgeon - Hope Not Hate
18	5 comments	Joy Orbison - Pinky Ring (Kelbin edit)
17	11 comments	Is there currently a place or an island even similar to ibiza in the 90s?
17	1 comments	BUFO's set from Pitch this year is up!!!
16	1 comments	Darkstar - Need You
16	10 comments	can anyone recommend Jersey Club, Baltimore Club, Chicago Juke youtube channels, playlists, artists etc?
15	1 comments	Burial - Forgive
14	0 comments	Daisychain 280 - Jubilee

 

Top 5 Most Commented

score	comments	title & link
10	5 comments	Nathan Micay - Fangs
9	5 comments	Track ID: Daniel Bell sunrise set (Return to the Source)
7	4 comments	Meaty interview with James Holden on Line Noise
2	2 comments	Best cross-genre tracks?
13	2 comments	Peter Van Hoesen, Wata Igarashi Live @ Dommune (2013)

 

I moved into this place and I can't for the life of me figure out the damn shower. The big knob turns the water on, and the smaller knob in front changes the temperature...but I cant figure out how to switch it into shower mode, the water just comes out of the lower spout, not the shower head.
Any ideas?
https://imgur.com/a/0HM4Og8

Throw away because my roomie found my reddit. Anyway my roommate and I have been friends for about 5 years now, we go to a university in a small town and we got on really well. I have had to have a few conversations with her regarding her contributing both cleaning and financially. She likes to be told to do things which made me feel awkward, we talked through it and are fine, her girlfriend even agreed with me lmfao.
So here is the issue, I am the main contributor for our place. When we first moved in they brought a lot of things from home (we love to save money) and bought a few new things, I bought all new (my choice 100%). We both had the mindset and conversation we will buy the cheap stuff for now and improve when we can. We have been here for 2 years and she still hasn't bought anything since we moved in. Of course we have what we need for the most part but when it comes to decor, appliances, sprucing up the place it falls on me. Now I need to mention I make more (i work 4 jobs), I spend more and it's at my own free will, there is no obligation to buy a new set of pillows or anything like that.
I think where my frustration lies is all the appliances are mine kettle, blender, toaster, coffee maker, water filter, mixer etc... All the cooking tools are mine. Basically everything in the apartment besides some furniture belongs to me. She doesn't really take care of them that well either, I've tried to talk to her about it, it never really gets resolved.
It's hard she says she's going through a hard time financially but she only works maybe 10 hours of the week and it's been close to 3 years of this with no attempt to work more hours, she will buy 500-600$ worth of things for herself like clothes and makeup. AITA for wanting her to buy something for the place every now and again? I'm not expecting much just something would be nice, I feel like it's just my apartment.
I want new pans they are not 100% needed but ours are the cheapest out there and are falling apart, we need new ones. Please call me out if I am the AH for wanting her to buy them?

A place for members of The_Kinetic_Sand_Cafe to chat with each other

So when I was young I lived a pretty good life. I had 2 twin brothers and a older sister I didn’t see much. Only reasons I didn’t see her much is because she would live with her mom which was my step mom. We had the same dad and only lived together for about 4 years when I was younger. We lived in a decent house because my dad had a company and made around 100 thousand dollars a year. I didn’t see him much because he was always working. We lived like this for about up till I was 6. His business partner screwed him over. He basically made another company and took all of his workers. My mom didn’t have a job because she would always watch us. We ended up getting kicked out of the house we lived in for 20 years. My dad left my mom too live with another girl named Andrea. My mom had to get 2 jobs so she was gone most of the time. She had started renting out this crappy duplex. I had to watch my brothers and just survive. We didn’t have Wi-Fi, electric, or water. But we was always at our upstairs neighbors. Keep in mind we were not dirty people at all. But our upstairs neighbors We’re. They had bed bugs and we ended up getting them too. Our actually neighbors where the most nicest old couple in the world. They would give us bread, water bottles and peanut butter. I know that don’t sound like a lot but it helped a lot. I don’t think they was in good good shape either. The daily food me and my brothers got was peanut butter sandwiches and had to drink kool-aid. We would never be at the house and ended up staying at the park down the street for hours. The only rule my mom had was don’t get in trouble and be back when the street lights came on. There was a older girl that was our upstairs neighbor. She was about 15 at the time and I was only 8. She would smoke a lot and hang out with gangs. We lived in a very dangerous area. I would go with her and ended up exploring a lot of abandoned places. I would feel really bad and try to bring my brothers but she would always say no because they was only 5. They would usually go with my dad. My dad ended up getting back on his feet and he lived with his girl friend. He took us and he had to live in her basement. I was always a daddy’s boy so me and my brothers went with him. I would always go to my moms still and hang out with the 14 year old named destiny. I knew my mom was trying her hardest. She ended up getting sick and had to blow all of her hard earned money on medicine. When it came to time to Christmas my brother never went to her house. She had spent some of the money she had on some of their Christmas presents. We never really got much but I was so grateful. I didn’t want my brothers to come over there and act spoiled because all they got where a outfit and legos. So I brought the presents to my dads. All I got was a slushee machine that my mom got from the next door neighbors. I also got some clothes that was from good will. My mom started moving in with her wealthy friend and got back on her feet from her. She ended moving in with which ended up being her boyfriend named Andrew. I never went there and stayed with my dad. He got me every thing I wanted. My dad got us our own house that he is still renting out today. Keep in mind my moms boyfriend is wealthy and my mom is living with him. Me and my brother got our own room at his house. My mom stated going to classes and ended up taking care of old people. She makes good money there and I never thought we would be where we are today.

Friday, May 26 - Thursday, June 01

Top Classic

score	comments	title & link	mirrors
131	14 comments	[Punk Classic] The Decline of Western Civilization (full movie)
74	12 comments	[Punk Classic] Singer Jello Biafra and guitarist East Bay Ray performing with the Dead Kennedys at Club Minimal in Sacramento, California, December 1983.
21	1 comments	[Punk Classic] Greg/Aimee Duet at Punk Rock Bowling in Las Vegas
18	5 comments	[Punk Classic] One Last Wish - One Last Wish	[Sp] [BC]
10	2 comments	[Punk Classic] 7 Seconds - Young 'Til I Die - Live (1984)	[Sp] [Dzr] [SC]

 

Top New

score	comments	title & link	mirrors
9	0 comments	[New Release] THAT'S HOT, by HOT EARTH (Earth Girl Tapes; Hattiesburg, MS)
7	0 comments	[New Release] Demo II, by Lovebite (Davison, Michigan)
6	0 comments	[New Release] Mess - Burn 'Em
4	0 comments	[New Release] Futilism, by Joust (Kansas City, MO)
4	1 comments	[New Release] Welcome To Clarko | Clarko (Iron Lung Records)

 

Top Remaining

score	comments	title & link	mirrors
565	17 comments	[Throwback] In Memoriam WENDY O. WILLIAMS!! (May 28, 1949 - April 6, 1998) Gone, but not forgotten!!
448	114 comments	What's he listening to?
417	444 comments	Alright, you voted, and The Clash won!! What we thinking for letter D?
408	16 comments	Crass flag at the local Camping and Caravan Club meet
386	48 comments	Reverend Horton Heat Las Vegas, NV 05.26.2023

 

Top 5 Most Commented

score	comments	title & link	mirrors
80	353 comments	[Discussion] What are some songs that haven’t aged well in your opinion?
84	307 comments	[Discussion] What's the funniest punk song?
292	261 comments	Alright, you guys voted, and Bad Brains won! Now its time for Letter C!
305	257 comments	[Discussion] Is it stupid to have a "themed" band?
303	246 comments	ALRIGHT GUYS! Energy won for E and it wasnt even close. Now its time for F!