TrueOffMyChest, a place for people who need to speak their mind

2013.10.21 08:59 chupacabra_whiskey TrueOffMyChest, a place for people who need to speak their mind

A place to get personal things off your chest. Not for opinions, not for relationship advice, and not for preaching.

2008.11.02 16:31 Admit your wrongdoings.

/Confession is a place to admit your wrongdoings, acknowledge your guilt, and alleviate your conscience.

2014.11.01 07:06 FuckinHomerunChippah The straw that broke the camel's back. In post form.

This sub is for sharing which post made you unsubscribe from a subreddit.

2023.04.01 13:02 waterpelyn I caught my coworkers having an affair

One of our work colleagues had a leaving party last night and seeing as me or my partner weren’t drinking, I was the designated driver.
Two of our colleagues seems a little too close whenever we have gatherings and we’ve all had our suspicions, but to be honest, no one wants to get involved if incase said affair was happening. We live in a small town and she is newly married, he is much older and single so it’s all a bit complicated.
It gets to about 1130pm and I was getting tired so offered anyone that wanted to leave a lift home.
Both coworkers very clearly (but thought they were being discreet in the corner of the room) decided they wanted to leave together so I gave them a lift.
They swiftly got out of the car and parted ways. She walked the other way down a dark street to her house and he went into his house. I turned the car around and got to the top of the high street and thought fuck it, if they wanna play us as fools, I’m gonna turn around to see if she walks back to his, thinking we’re gone.
I turn around and low and behold, there she is, crossing the road back to his house, thinking they’ve gotten away with it.
Catching them in the act is exactly what I wanted but now I’m just cringing at the second hand embarrassment and realise I have shitty coworkers.
TLDR; dropped off my two coworkers who pretended to part ways, turned the car around to check if suspicions were true and caught her walking back to his house when she thought the coast was clear.
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2023.04.01 12:57 throwawaybubblez I panic whenever someone asks me for a full length picture

After my ex cheated on me with multiple women who have great bodies I started having anxiety attacks. I’d see his type, panic and immediately get depressed or cry. I was insecure before him on minor things but the betrayal made it worse! Sometimes I’d stalk their social media account to analyse their bodies, faces and compare to mine. My friends think I have body dysmorphia but I don’t know. I need to discuss it with my therapist as I don’t see the beauty in myself but people say I’m pretty all the time.
I feel deeply insecure. My body doesn’t look how I want it to look as I have some weight to lose and I don’t have an hourglass shape. I’m also top heavy. I’m losing weight but I’m also considering surgery which isn’t something I really want to do but I want a great body and I don’t know if I’m naturally shaped as such. If I do get surgery I’m thinking about a 360 liposuction, skinny bbl and breast lift/reduction (after more significant weight loss).
People say I have a pretty face but it’s kind of pointless given my size (uk 16). No ass. I panic whenever someone asks me for a full length picture. I panic that my ex or mutual friends who I haven’t seen in a long time will see me in person and say it’s because I’m XYZ that my ex cheated. :( it’s probably true. I used to see him scroll through pretty girls IG pages and like their pictures when we were in bed. I always felt like crap. I’m glad it’s over but I feel traumatised.
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2023.04.01 12:53 NoHotel955 Sneaky link situationship

So recently l started sneaky linking with this guy at school..We you know had random makeouts like twice and then l cut him off coz they was this one time he was being all flirty with another girl so l felt really jealous then that's how l knew l had caught feelings so l cut him off thennnnnn we got high together l was so high l couldn't go home so he had to take care of me and l went to his house just to sober and stuff then he dropped me off so after that l cut him back on cause l really do want this guyyy l like him so much but l also think he likes me took l feel like we both know we are toxic for each other and won't do shit about it...What should l doo??Cut him off fr this time ..or fuck it risk it...and also how do l know when a guy likes me back tooo?
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2023.04.01 12:49 rae1aeris Ever tardy

I feel like a horrible human being right now. I don't deserve my boyfriend. The man has been patient with me everytime I'm late which is all the time. I feel so ashamed of my tardiness. I keep telling myself I need to be better, I try to be better but it never hits the mark. I don't know what to do but I know that i don't want to make this gem of a person suffer because of my vices.
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2023.04.01 12:43 Errorlu I'm gay because I fell in love with a girl

So back when I was around 7 my neighborhood hired this security guard who was very handsome tall and had tattoos on his back, at the time was probably 23 to 25 He was very nice to me and treated me as a brother and would hug me and praise me for if I was good. I had feeling for him which at the time I thought was very weird. I once asked if he would be my boyfriend on April 1 as if it failed I could just use "it was a joke" as an excuse. He said maybe once I was older Last year I found out that he was a she from my sister Would have been nice to know before I HAD TWO BOYFRIENDS (Bi) Just remember this today and it still baffles me
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2023.04.01 12:42 Little_sunflower5055 The man who I fleed from is gonna be on my campus

I go to a university that has quite a special program. There are two of them in my country and I used to go to the one closer to my home. However I ended up choosing to transfer to the one that I am currently attending because I got raped and SA while at the other campus. Last year (before transferring), I was diagnosed with PTSD and was absolutely terrified of the guys who had assaulted me. They still go to our university on the smaller campus. That's why I decided to transfer to the larger campus.
This weekend, we have some mandatory meetings for everyone who attend our program. Since my campus is larger and has more space, we are the ones holding it. Meaning that people from the smaller campus are coming today and tomorrow to attend the meetings. That means that I'll probably see the people who assaulted me last year. I have been trying to explain to my boyfriend why I am so stressed out about it and how the simple idea of them being on the campus is enough to send me down in a panic attack and flashbacks. But he doesn't seem to understand... He keeps telling me that they won't attack me again and that if they make a move I can go to his brother (my bf is away this weekend, he isn't part of my program, but his brother is).
I don't know how to tell him that the simple fact of knowing that these dudes will be roaming free around my campus is enough to make me want to hide in my room and not get out until I know for sure that they are on the bus to get back to their campus.
Thanks for reading and sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my first language
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2023.04.01 12:38 just_a_sad_potato7 My mom is cheating on my dad with a man whose wife is dying of cancer

I am beyond disgusted with her but that man has a fucking wife that is in the late stages of cancer and may pass away soon. "A man has needs" they try to excuse it, but did you not took vows "in sickness and in health"? Piece of shit, and her too, she knows and still did it, and people are saying she is "brave" because my dad is an asshole. Still, just divorce him and fuck some single man, but that is the high road and we don't do that here arent we
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2023.04.01 11:48 Actual-Ad-9603 Cheaters don’t change

I had been friends with him since I was 12 years old. We met online.
I always considered him to be my best guy friend since middle school. I gave him advice about his first gf when I was 16, in high school. He was 17. We stopped talking after he graduated high school in 2016 because I figured he was busy, had a gf, so I didn’t wanna bother him right?
Well we reconnected in 2020. I was so happy to hear from him again. We started talking regularly. And ended up dating in the summer of 2021.
Long story short, he had still been dating the same gf that I had given him advice about when I was 16. So when we started dating he was still with her. He had been dating this girl for 5-6 years. They started dating in 2015. He started dating me in 2021.
We were in a long distance relationship. Because of the long timeline of our friendship, I trusted him. A lot. I thought i knew him. Until I found his girlfriend’s social media profiles.
I gave him another chance when I found everything out. I tried to understand. He was a high school senior, she was a junior in college when they first started dating, so he was just confused right? That’s what he claimed.
Except he slept with her the same week I met his parents. A month before I found everything out.
Once I took him back, he paid for porn (specifically he bought shit from OF and Telegram). Spent money to download specific girls pics. Even though he was asking me daily for pics and videos and I would give him whatever he wanted. Kept trying to contact his ex. Had multiple fake social media accounts while claiming he didn’t like social media and didn’t use it. Bought with dog from a breeder even though we were planning on living together and adopting with dog from a shelter. I emphasize how important it was to adopt from a shelter. He went behind my back and bought a dog from a breeder.
There’s a lot more I’m not saying. I’m just trying to come to terms with his bullshit because he’s finally out of my life. It feels weird.
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2023.04.01 11:40 san_kpr Friendship advice

I've this online friend who has been quite busy since he went to college. He is someone who usually replies late since we became friends. His late replies are not a new thing. He says he does this with all his friends and no one minds it much. Sometimes, he replies on time(mostly happens when i need some advice or asked something important). We keep talking like we have an ongoing convo on an app since months. His response time varies tho. He has a huge friend circle too whereas mine is small. A couple of days, we were talking and he was sending me voice messages. I replied and then i double texted after an hour cuz i remembered something i had to say. He then sent a long voice message saying he is sleepy at the moment. He woke up early in the morning and that he will listen to my voice messages whenever he gets time tomorrow or after a couple of days plus that i shouldn't overthink like if he watches my stories and doesn't reply. That would happen most probably as he is mentally exhausted and he does not feel like talking to anyone. The convo ended then and since then, he has not replied. I'm such an overthinker that i can't stop thinking he wants to ghost me or is annoyed of me. Also whenever i post my own pictures on insta stories(not a social media post), he never likes them or compliments.It is obvious that his priority must be his college friends. What do you guys think? Would be grateful to get a good piece of advice
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2023.04.01 11:34 Intelligent_Unit_182 It feels like hes trying to trigger me to argue with him

We met during covid times. So we always had alot time with each other. 6 months into dating. Ive gotten busier with travelling around for work. I was led to believe that we are both adults wanting a serious relationship. He even told me about how he would wish to see us staying together one day.
As ive gotten busier. He started occupying his time by meeting with his friends.
I started noticing some weird behaviour of his that ive never seen before but shrugs it off that i was thinking too much. We would atleast text or reply each other within the day but he starts disappearing every couple of days. Told me that his house electricity was broken and he has to go to his friends place to shower everyday till it get fix.
As i was too busy at work. I didnt had the time to overthink either. Till probably two weeks later. i confronted him and ask if he was seeing someone else. But he denies it and we talk it out.
Things was fine for a day or two and he started disappearing again. This time for 3 days. And when he finally text back. He ask to breakup. We did. I part ways with him on a good terms by simply agreeing that we both are not suitable with each other. I blocked him from social media and he did the same. Even broke off all the contacts with friends we have in common.
I started occupying my time to learn some skills and distract myself with games. We have friends in common and he happen to met one of my very close friends and started to bad mouth me and even create nasty rumors and stories about me.
I do not understand what i did wrong. But i guess im done trying to understand. Some people are just so nasty and you never even expected that side
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2023.04.01 11:33 OkPick3848 I'm hitting my final straw soon

Hi i donno why I'm sharing this but i just need to talk I'm 28 f when i was 16 i had a relationship with a drug dealer ( i didn't know at first) who was 8 years older then me he turned out to be a manipulator, a narcissist sick person when i discovered his job i tried to leave him but he raped me and threated me to share the vid as i lived in a country where this is the girl's fault so i kept quite and stayed with him for 5 years 5 years of pure torture and struggle but i finally managed to leave him and i still to this day that i did that without any major harm. After a while i met this charming nice guy and fell for him so hardbut he wasn't that good for me well he owns a company and he's so busy (for me) he calls me ones in a week sometimes onces in a month i stayed with him cuz i loved him and because i didn't let myself heal from the first relationship's trauma i thought that time he wasn't around I can heal myself but oh boy i wasn't anything near that my mental health went south and i hit my first straw when he once and all left me with no goodbye i got into a deep depression i committed suicide but i survived i had many pills and went to sleep my family didn't think much of it and went like nothing happened after that i got a job in a middle school and that time helped recover somehow being around my students and giving all my time and energy to teaching sileced my depression but one day i got stopped from working because a new teacher took my place ( the teaching system here is corrupted) anyways i tried to creat an online business get my store great and ready but guess who's back mr second ex got back and brought my depression back in his arms why he's back u ask because he gad major essues and he was working on himself and cut everybody else out of his life NOT JUST ME he literally said it this way anyways i had a closure with him but my depression is eating me alive my mom refused to get me any medical help because she thinks that pills are dangerous for me and my health i have no job no social life all of my friends left the country my shop didn't bring any income no one is buying anything and that was my last hope to get out of this country too but I'm feeling like I'm about to do it again and give up to the darkness inside me
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2023.04.01 11:21 throwawayventingpost accidentally hurt my dog last night and feel terrible

hey there
so i take my dog down to the garden every night by our apartment so she can do her business. on the way back up to my place she gets a couple treats, pretty routine.
last night we were doing this. sometimes instead of immediately running to the garden to pee like usual, she’ll kinda stop and run back inside. i think it’s cuz she wants the treats right away lol. i usually just tell her to go pee and then she does. sometimes if she runs all the way back inside i (very) gently nudge her with my foot to direct her to go pee first.
welp, yesterday she was doing this run back before peeing thing. she did it twice so i was honestly annoyed, but i had no intention of harming her, mind you. i intended to just gently nudge her back like usual but i think a mix of my slight frustration and also being really sleepy, more than usual, led to me moving my foot a bit too fast. i basically kicked her. not with full force, but she still let out a yelp. i immediately felt like the worst person on earth lmao, and tried to comfort her. im very close with her too, this hasnt happened before and i really didnt want to do that. i picture it as an accident because harming her is not what i was trying to do, and my half-asleep state made it all chaotic. yet i cant stop overthinking what happened.
i feel insanely guilty. i should note i have issues with overthinking in general, so idk if this elevates the guilt and depression but im literally questioning if ill be able to enjoy life again. i feel REALLY bad, like words cant describe. i think id feel guilty even if i wasnt so obsessive, naturally, but oof. did something come out of me or was this a true accident? ive been overthinking so much that i dont even know what was going through my head when i did this last night.
not to go off on a tangent but i think my overthinking is also due to the fact that ive had anger issues in my life, due to a lot of the traumas ive experienced. it hasn’t amounted to assaulting people or animals.. ive shouted at people in arguments before, i can be cold and ive even been kinda impatient with my dog before (not like what happened last night tho), but physical abuse/harm? fuck no man. i genuinely didnt intend to harm my dog yesterday, but the amount of overthinking and guilt has made me question if somewhere deep inside, something fucked up leapt out in the moment. overthinking is fucking hell. it really makes me question everything. i go to therapy, but my next session isnt for another month or so (he’s booked out till then), so i felt the need to vent here. my dog has been loving like usual, she doesnt seem scarred or afraid of me at all, but oof. i feel so bad.
any thoughts?
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2023.04.01 11:17 TryingtoGetWell28 Statements my severely narcissistic / psychopathic parents said to me growing up

trigger warning
“You and your sisters cause too much yelling and fighting. That’s why we can’t vacation around other people.”
“You look like a slut!” (Even though they didn’t give me much $ to spend so that’s how those clothes look)
“It’s too late in your life!” (During an argument in high school when I was expressing my unhappiness)
“We’re living in this expensive town for you! They have good schools here.” (When I asked if I could go to a different school outside of that school district)
“You don’t have many friends!”
“Why don’t you just go work at 7-11” (they said that sarcastically, when I talked to them about difficulties in the job market)
“No wonder why your ex didn’t want yo be around you when you have so many complaints”
“What did you buy? Junk!” (When they didn’t give me much money to shop when I was younger)
“What did you do to your hair?”
“Is she any good at this sport?” (Asking the coach loudly in front of others after I spent years practicing)
“What kind of dress is that?”
“You’re gaining weight - eating too much”
“I wouldn’t want to hire you”
“You should have gone into foster care when you were younger, you were terrible to me”
“We have a nice life here in this town, you need to stop being so depressed”
“You have anger issues” (after my parent suddenly decided not to take me to sports practice)
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2023.04.01 11:12 ThrowRAkeyboardmouse My boyfriend doesn’t like me anymore

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years and I’ve put on around 5 stone since then. I absolutely hate myself for it and hate everything about myself but find it really hard to stop eating and be motivated to loose weight. Since I’ve been getting bigger, he’s completely different with me, doesn’t want to cuddle, kiss, we haven’t had sex for months, just sits on his phone and only half listens when I talk to him and just generally doesn’t really like me anymore. I don’t have any friends and I’m feeling really lonely, we have talked about this but nothing changes after. I really want to loose weight to make myself happier and make him like me again and want to touch me but I just can’t seem to start.
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2023.04.01 11:10 Teenage_Dirtbag08 I feel awful that I’m so upset at my friend

We are both 15f and she is my best friend. Every Monday we call and do our maths homework online. I struggle making and keeping friends so I look forward to this. Last week my friend couldn’t call and I understood I did majority of the homework (80%) and as a result I was excited to call this week. On Monday my friend said she couldn’t call. And on Tuesday she said the same/she will see. But on Tuesday night I went on her story to find her posting a picture of her calling one of her other friends. I was upset but I didn’t let it show. She then couldn’t call on Wednesday and it was due for Thursday. Turns out she had done most of it on her own and I messaged her a few answers and her the same. I havnt told her in upset and I’m gonna keep it to myself.
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2023.04.01 11:07 Comprehensive-Camel6 I feel like my sister is weponizing my situation

I 20m been staying with my sister bil and nephew (their age is irrelevant) for over 5 months now because i recently lost a job and couldn't afford to stay at the motel I was in. When I got my current job I have been paying 150 each paycheck so she could stay on top of her bills while I'm here, but it's been getting to a point where she would just treat me like a live in maid or baby sitter cause everytime she cooks a big meal she leaves all the dishes, then she proceeds to wait a few days then flip out on me when they haven't been washed and when she is too lazy it automatically becomes my responsibility to watch my nephew, but the thing is I can't say nothing to him without getting flipped on she asks me to tell her if he does or say something thing bad but proceeds to do nothing about it. I really feel like I can't get mad cause she was nice enough to let me stay here, buy today is a breaking point yesterday i had a tiring shift and a hellish headache I only got at 12 cause my nephew was up making noise, I slept for 2 hours than got woken up by him blowing his whistle and playing his tablet at full volume I asked him to at least stop with the whistle and I kid you not he said "you're not my mommy or daddy so I don't have to listen to you and this is my house" I was gonna tell my sister bit she was and is still asleep I swear I'm gonna lose it
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2023.04.01 11:02 Kryptonite-69 I fumbled the bag horribly

So I m(16) had a grind of mine f(17) in high school . Didn’t talk to her at all until midway through my junior year. I was socially awkward. Afterwards we spent most of our time together. She left school midway through our senior year. And I was told by my classmates that I fumbled the bag and that she liked me a lot. Apparently, I was the only one that was unaware of this. We still keep in touch but I could tell that initial spark was already gone. Note: I did not attend a US high school. We graduate at 16.
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2023.04.01 10:46 cutiecroissant Do you think it's ok to make up with my friend?

Hi you can check my account if you haven't known the full story but just to summarize the story we had a fight and we haven't talk in almost a month so in the first week of us fighting I tried giving us space and a week after I message her I said that if she wants to talk about the day we had a fight just let me know and she haven't messaged or approach me at school for a month.
Yesterday we had a fild trip and I feel really left out she's ignoring me And she's dragging our other friend to go with her so I sit by my self in the bus and did the activities by my self I feel really bad for my self I feel really unwanted, she treated me as if we were nothing together.
Recently she unfollowed me on insta and before we got in to a fight she talk about she unfollow people that she doesn't like any more.
So I don't know if trying to fix our relationship is a good thing any more because I thought Im just giving her space but each day i feels like we're drifting apart, I don't know if I'm just holding on to the good memories that we had together or this relationship is toxic and it's just better if we go to our own separate ways.
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2023.04.01 10:43 Small-Lady-Serenity I was Tboned and it ruined my life.

First I want to say sorry for the way this is formatted, I am on mobile. This will be a long one and I will be talking about a car accident.
Hi, I’m 22, almost 23. I’m honestly not kidding when I say this ruined my life. I want to start with a little backstory. In July of 2022 I left my job to get into treatment. I’m not ashamed to say it, I was finally ready to put me first and better myself. I was only in treatment for about two months unfortunately. On September 10th, I was on my way home from picking up my best friend from work and dropping him at his home. It was about 10:50 or so, I only know because we stopped for food. I pulled up to a red light and came to a complete stop. Once my light turned green, I looked both ways before I began to drive. I always do this, i never want to take the chance. This intersection had a small hill about three blocks away from the intersection it’s self. I didn’t see anyone coming either way. Before I knew it all I could see was the headlights coming at me. It really did feel like everything was in slow motion. I just closed my eyes and screamed. I really don’t remember much of the crash it’s self. I just remember opening my eyes, having my whole upper body in the passenger seat. All I could see was smoke. To give context, I drove a 2015 Kia soul (was not my choice, but a car is a car) and if you know anything about them, that year has a HORRIBLE issue with the engine combusting during an accident( or seemingly just because? Idk) I was terrified. I wanted out of that car right away. I knew what could happen. This is the part that gives me flashbacks every day. I went to open my door to get out, and my door was stuck. At the time, I didn’t know there was a third car involved. I had hit them when the other car hit me (thank goodness the occupants, including a very young baby were all okay.) I struggled for what felt like hours to get my door open and couldn’t. All I could think about was this car could go up in flames at any second and I couldn’t get out. Thankfully there was a witness vehicle, and i felt like an Angel had come to save me. This woman ran up to my car and yanked my door open.
Everything after that was as “normal” as these kinds of accidents can be. The next day my right knee began to bruise and swell. My whole inner knee was black and blue. I realized I couldn’t feel a huge part of that knee, and when my imaging came back I had a torn meniscus. It has been about seven months since, and my knee still has slight bruising, numbness, and pain. I can hardly shower without it swelling. It has become impossible for me to even get in a car without a severe panic attack. I physically cannot go out and get a new job, I was not able to replace my car. Physically I can’t even work the jobs I used to, I cannot stand for more then a few minuets. I was the only party involved who had insurance. I did everything correct, and I still got fucked over in the end. Since the accident my life has gone down hill more then I ever thought possible. I’ve been in two other accidents (also not my fault, both rear ended, one was a hit and run) I’ve had several family members pass, including my father who was struggling with Alzheimer’s, as well as losing my childhood cat and actually going 100% broke. My mental and physical health are at an all time low. I constantly question how I could have done everything right yet still ended up like this. I can’t even get a work from home job because I don’t have a working computer. I feel so helpless, if it wasn’t for my mom I would be living on the streets. I don’t want to be in this position but I don’t know how to get out.
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2023.04.01 10:32 subwaysue I lied about being in pain to get morphine

I have never felt so good in my entire life. I am usually so tensed up it's painful, my body feels bruised and sore to the bone and I can never relax. But when they gave me morphine (through IV) it was like my body turned into a melting blob. It was like sinking into a warm fuzzy cloud, I felt safe and happy and content for the first time in years. I no longer cared about anything, I just wanted to lay there and stare off into nothing.
Later that night the nurse noticed I was awake and asked if I was still in pain to which I answered "yes" (again, I was lying, I just couldn't sleep) only so she would give me more morphine, which she did. And I was in heaven again for a while.
I still think about it every now and then and wish I could experience that wonderful feeling again.
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2023.04.01 10:19 Appropriate_Owl32 I wanted to be friends with my neighbour but now I'm unfolding drama?!

So I recently moved into a new home in Malaysia, jb. And our balconies are right beside each other. Some of you might have seen the post about the neighbours cat coming in too. It's a couple. A guy from Egypt and a woman from Indonesia. At first, I thought they were a growth oriented couple because I had a long chat with the husband once. He is very friendly and really super nice. I've been extremely lonely as my family doesn't stay with me and I have no friends here.
So this was how things first started out: I first came to their home to share a house warming gift and to ask for the WiFi since my home was not yet ready (for the wifi - people here I feel don't like to work as much as other places do or maybe they just dislike the nationalities living here) - only the husband was home as his wife worked, travelled often and he is a work from home plus studying full time. A few times we said our greetings on the balcony.
The next time we met, I was very sick and he had asked me how I was. Keep in mind, he is just seriously friendly and kind. I shared I haven't eaten all day and tryna get better but without western meds. A few hours later he came to my door and passed me some Macs this was at almost 12am or 1am. He and I both are night owls. I thanked him but said it really wasn't needed. He insisted and I took it. After, we started chatting again at the door and eventually he brought me into his home to share some alternative supplements I could take as well as introduce me to the cats. I didn't want to go in. I asked many times if his wife would be okay with that and if it was okay for a single woman like me to enter so late at night etc. He kept saying all was gonna be okay. And I don't have to worry blah blah. We ended up chatting at his place until 3 or 4am. Many times I wanted to leave but then he kept on continuing the convo. Fast forward a month or 2 month later. We have only officially met and spoken a few more times. With some of these just meeting and chatting at the door + some xmas/lunar new year gifts.
By Feb, he wanted to "get rid" of a cat he didn't like. They had 3 cats at this point. And I told him via text we could intro them later on in the day or another time. But again at 1am he brought them over. And this ended up disturbing his wife sleep. And she woke up to see her husband entering my home - a single woman with her cats and their food and litter box. She was VERY mad. And I think her suspicion started then. Even before we started meeting and all, I always asked him how his wife would feel and almost thought she was imaginary cause I actually never saw her. Ever. I first met her when she came back from yoga class and felt she was nice too. But of course, not as nice as her husband was. It seemed to be a similar case with many couples around here. There really needs to be a boundary or healing relationship expert around here.
And that was the first time I realized that he was so bad at communicating with her. He literally just said " it's OK it's ok" and she was like "what the heck are you doing at this time?!" And more than that, when a few hours passed and he took them back - I really didn't wanna do this in the middle of the night but those hours seem to be his most active lol. I asked him if he and his wife were OK. Cause she looked really mad. And he said again that all was fine, just the usual suspicion but I've already cleared it up and let her know. She will cool down soon he said.
Since then, everything spiraled and even the cat whom once visited me and became my friend was taken away from me (I'm not sure if it was planned or not to this day) but it felt like it was cause it happened so suddenly. And now her husband only ever says this to me " talk to my wife about everything" and last night I confronted him I asked him if he is keeping distance because of his wife or whether he is uncomfortable being my friend.
Cause we used to chat about everything and that really made my stay here less lonely. I wanted to share more about my day and my experiences and learn from his sharing. I didn't realize he would have such a different dynamic with his wife. He really appeared to really love her. But respecting her boundaries or understanding her needs doesn't seem to be something he is very aware of. And instead of addressing those things, he seems to just make himself small to accommodate until she is satisfied. They have serious healing needed in terms of trust issues. I just found out that his wife literally compares text msges he receives from me and her own phone. And he even asked me to delete all the msges he sent to me about how his wife is displeased and suspicious and that is why he is keeping distance and asks me to instead befriend his wife. He even said this was normal ?!?! And that tho he knows there is nothing going on between us at all. He doesn't want her to overthink or be upset - literally went from "hey how is your day" at the balcony - to "bye, I've gotta go" in less than a minute.
And he even texted me to not directly share the matter with his wife cause that won't solve anything?! Even tho it seems like it's much better to?! And he even says his wife schedule is very tight so I gotta only keep the convo small and light. I dunno why but as a man, he really seems to shirk responsibility in some way. I can put myself in her position and be suspicious too but I think he wasn't being fully honest with her and also not very honouring of boundaries. I did tell him I could stick to boundaries if needed but I think as a couple they never discussed theirs. Thing is, I don't wanna get in between them and I still wanna have a friend. But it is obvious to me he cares more about her than me - which is fine. He does love her. But this puts me in a terrible position. Cause I'm so lonely. Especially without the cat anymore. And I really don't like to be in the way of others relations neither do I want others to be in my way either.
And then he told me to be consistent by deleting my chats from him and keeping only the one about the cat - I'm guessing in case the wife checks. This is ridiculous. I don't wanna get involved with the drama. But I'm also really wanting to put my skills of improving relationships and marriages into the table. Literally taught my parents to become both better parents and partners to one another thru honesty, respect and love (showing love to be exact since Asians seem to have this problem)
Just wanted to get this off my chest. I know what I must do - set boundaries. Be honest. And discuss about their trust issues. OK maybe that third one only applies if we go deep enough.
Also for context, I don't have a lot of friends and it isn't easy for me to get along with someone else. They need to have values of Learning, growth and willingness to expand consciousness. Which are things very rare around here. Hence why I got along better with her husband. I thought she was the same but she isn't. Tho she can be nice too. The vibe just isn't as easy going. I just wanna bring to awareness that maybe the guy is too yin, the female too yang - and they need to balance that out for a more harmonious rs but I know its not my place again ugh!!
Sigh. I'll just do what I can. And see if I have any other opportunities to make friends at other places instead.
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2023.04.01 10:09 Carlondion99 Giving up on dating forever.

I’m giving up.
I’m giving up on trying to find a date now, trying to find a women who wants to get to know me, I’m a 23 y/o (m) never had a date in his life and doesn’t look like he will. My life’s pretty boring I work, I go to gym/ or boxing. And go to sleep. Even weekends I’m in bed at 10.30pm. I know this seems silly, but I genuinely feel free, I feel angry at myself and depressed when I can’t get a date and feel embarrassed at family meetings when younger cousins are having relationships/ starting families while I have just figured out how to start the washing machine (that’s a joke btw) But yeah I was heavily bullied all through highschool and to keep a long story short have bad experiences with women at HS, or going to Nightclubs. It hurts when you try to go to sleep and know you can’t form a connection with anyone, it hurts that you aren’t good enough but it hurts the most when you nothing you do to improve yourself can help you.
I’m 5’6 male I think height plays a big part in this because recently I changed my height on tinder to 6’3 and got like 20 likes.
So I’ve just given up and no longer desire any woman anymore, I have tried to improve myself but it’s not enough, that’s why I’ve completely cut ties with dating apps and I don’t care anymore, it’s no longer in my plans anymore and I feel better because of it. I mean it hurts but I feel free’er.
Like I said recently I’ve took up boxing to help with my anxiety and depression due to me not wanting to go back on SSRI’s and feel like a zombie. I’m currently retaking GCSE’s to eventually go to open university and get a degree in Mathematics. I took up doing a powerlifting programme to build myself up stronger so I wouldn’t feel so vulnerable in myself. I currently work a minimum wage shitty job and am dirt poor due to where I live with sky high rent/ living with parents.
I think a few years Il maybe move alone to a different part of the country and strike out on my own despite me being incredibly lonely atm, I don’t really have any family! But like I said I don’t care about dating anymore, I don’t care about emotional connection and I don’t care about attracting anyone, in my head I’ve completely cut off sexual desire now and Now I’ve completely cut off the opposite Sex, all it’s ever done it made me feel inferior and think what’s wrong with me…
This abit of weird post don’t know if it exactly belongs here but just needed to share my feelings and vent abit if that’s okay!
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